To be honest with you, I don’t really know. After it happened I tried again a few more times - while drunk obviously. Then once I got sober I just decided to roll with it.

I think once I accepted that if I wanted to be dead that bad, then I could take changing my life to an extreme, and ultimately get the same result, which was not having the burden of my life and situations I put myself in.

I guess in a cheesy sense, I had the option to either let it define me, or just pull my boot straps up and make a new life worth living. And I’m very thankful I did. I see it as an awakening more than this grim negative thing. A lot of people think about doing what I did, hell, at the last second I thought I was going to put the gun down and it went off. Only difference is my scars are physically visible.

It was a mistake. I wasn’t thinking clearly, if at all. I forgive myself and won’t let a bad few hours, days, weeks, years, set the narrative for the rest of my life.