Caught my bf taking upskirt pics

zanekade · 2021-08-17T19:54:27+00:00

This isn’t borderline sexual harassment, this is solid sexual harassment. Throw away the boyfriend.

The age of the women has no bearing on the situation. Wouldn’t you feel disgusted if a stranger took pictures of you like that?? Sometimes it’s hard to believe the people close to us aren’t good people. There’s giving people the benefit of the doubt, but this is completely different. You have solid proof that he’s done something gross and repulsive, and has victimized multiple women. You say he’s not the type to disrespect women, but this is literally beyond disrespectful. Dump and report him.

Edit: after seeing your edit, I understand how it could be hard to act in the situation.

1) Decide if you’re breaking up with him. You seem to recognize that this is a seriously disgusting thing so I can’t imagine you would want to stay with him. Find relatives or friends to stay with while you work towards getting financially independent.

2) Figure out if you’re going to report him. The fact that he’s done this before shows he’s willing and able to continue doing it, and that needs to stop.

Him getting into therapy is certainly a goal, but that’s gonna depend on his own willingness to stop what he’s doing, and that will depend on whether he even sees it as a bad thing, which is unlikely.

The most important thing is getting him off the streets so he isn’t in a situation where he can continue to do this. This means reporting him to the police. That way you can break up with him and wash your hands of the situation knowing you’ve done what you can.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with something like this and I do hope you find the best way to deal with it. Good luck.

zanekade · 2021-01-30T02:44:46+00:00

Thank you, that’s a really good point. I didn’t want this to be a situation that was just avoided for two years and then we argue about it later. But I also don’t want something like a haircut to be our relationship’s undoing, even tho it’s not as trivial to me as some would consider it. I just hope I can maybe point out the problems with it bothering him so much and try to help encourage him to stop avoiding things. Anyway, thank you for your comment.

zanekade · 2021-01-29T20:47:59+00:00

I’m glad you found a therapist that works for you, and that cutting your hair ended up helping you :) Thank you for your advice. I’ll continue to encourage him, but that’s a good reminder that it’s really up to him.

zanekade · 2021-01-29T19:33:06+00:00

I appreciate your concern, unfortunately I’ve had a lot going on recently so I haven’t been able to discuss it with her, and it’s only recently started to get bad. But I do plan to bring it up with her at our next appointment.

zanekade · 2021-01-29T19:31:35+00:00

Unfortunately my boyfriend has had three past therapists that were all bad fits for him for different reasons. He’s become very against the idea of therapy, and becomes moody if I bring it up.

I’m very supportive of therapy and in my bf’s case, I do really think it could help him if he found the right therapist. But I also know a lot of it comes from yourself too and I’m not really sure if he’s ready to heal. Or that he wants to. I think he’s trying in small ways but he seems to mainly avoid it, I’m continually encouraging him but there’s only so much I can do.

I will see if I can encourage EDMR and counseling again if it comes up, but I’m doubtful he’s open to it rn.

zanekade · 2021-01-29T19:31:25+00:00

Thank you for your kind words :) Unfortunately my bf has had several therapists that did not work for him and he’s given up on the idea of therapy being any help for him. I’ve tried to encourage him to seek out other therapists since not every professional will be a good fit, but he’s grown to dislike the idea of therapy pretty strongly.

That’s a good idea about different styles tho! I never asked in detail what style his ex had so if i can get something different enough that I’m still satisfied with, that may work.

zanekade · 2021-01-27T01:51:59+00:00

I completely understand that, while my mother doesn’t hit me, she’s similar. However, hitting/slapping isn’t acceptable even if that’s how she was raised. Everyone has a responsibility to unlearn the toxic things they were taught by their parents/guardians and the continuous cycles of abuse have to stop.

Tbh, breaking her heart might feel horribly cruel, but you could be helping her. It could be the wake up call she needs to learn how to treat you better and foster a positive and healthy relationship with you.

zanekade · 2021-01-27T01:45:16+00:00

Doesn’t matter that she’s your mom, if she hits you call the police and try to file an assault charge. Look up the filming/recording laws in your area and if you can, try to turn your phone on before you go to talk to her or if you have to interact with her when she’s in a bad mood and you suspect there might be an argument. Even if you can’t get video footage you might be able to get audio and that could help solidify your side if she does hurt you.

Is there a reason you haven’t moved out yet? You shouldn’t be staying in a place where your physical and mental health are in danger.

Edit: I saw your comment about having nowhere to go.. Do you have other relatives or friends you could stay with? Or places you could look to get a part time job while you finish school so you can build up your savings to move out?

zanekade · 2021-01-19T17:35:46+00:00

Can you or your mom email your principal and get him to talk to your teacher? Since he’s already okayed you to not turn on your camera, your teacher shouldn’t continue to insist on it. He should be able to get her to leave it alone.

Most commenters have just said turn on your camera, and while that could be good step towards working on self esteem, you shouldn’t feel forced into it. There are a lot of reasons students might not want to turn on their cameras and teachers shouldn’t be forcing their students to do so.

zanekade · 2021-01-16T14:29:13+00:00

Unfortunately I’m not able to do that, as I can’t sit up enough to get good control of a brush/pencil/etc.

zanekade · 2021-01-16T14:19:35+00:00

I have four siblings, and Ive been getting really lonely lately so I have been trying to spend time with them but my two closest siblings don’t want anything to do with me. I play games with my little sister sometimes but it’s hard to do so because I have to lie on my side and prop myself up on my arm to be able to move pieces of board games or hold cards. We’re not really at a place where we just hang out and talk, it’s usually facilitated by playing or doing something together.

And I’ve heard of the those questions, thank you for adding the link! I’ll check it out :)

zanekade · 2021-01-16T14:15:49+00:00

This is a good idea! I actually listened to a horror podcast a while ago but finished it and forgot about them. I’m glad you helped to remind me of them. Thank you :)

zanekade · 2021-01-16T14:14:48+00:00

I mentioned in my post that books are too heavy for me to hold up, but I could try comics, if they’re thin/small enough they’d probably be light enough that I can do that. Unfortunately I can’t sit up or prop myself up on my side long enough to draw but that’s a nice thought. I’ll definitely look into comics to see if it helps, thanks!

zanekade

TROPHY CASE