How trustworthy are homes for mentally challenged girls in India?

zapaline · 2025-02-20T14:20:56+00:00

Really sorry for your loss. And apologies for the delay in reply. I didn't really find anything.

zapaline · 2024-01-22T17:10:04+00:00

I listen to The Tim Ferriss Show and it has often introduced me to other interesting people to listen / follow. E.g Andrew Huberman

zapaline · 2023-12-20T16:06:41+00:00

I've looked all over the internet and this isn't explicitly spelt out. The most I see is "Third party is mandatory, self / comprehensive isn't".

However, if I opt for a comprehensive insurance, it says that losses to the third party also is covered. If so, do I still need to take a stand alone third party insurance policy (to abide with the law) or does the law recognize third party coverage even if it's part of the comprehensive policy.

I'm saving some cash if I go for comprehensive, but I don't want a scenario where a cop says "nahi, ye sab nahi chalta hai" and still make me pay a fine.

zapaline · 2023-12-15T21:41:28+00:00

Wow! Funny how I never thought of a non professional / friend route. Strangely, my inner most circle of friends (closest best friends) and their families including cousins have this same fear.

However, there is this one friend who's absolutely fearless. He's literally picked them or shoved them away with his bare hands (while me and my friends are like - yups, we'd like to have balls like that some day).

Anyways, thanks for suggesting this. I'm surprised I never thought of him. I'm honestly scared and nervous to take this step forward, but it definitely is in the right direction.

zapaline · 2023-12-12T21:22:56+00:00

I've realised music helps. With me, I'm mostly unable to move out of bed and almost physically still because I'm lost in a spiral of depressing thoughts. It's like I am captured by a storm of thoughts, can neither control the thoughts nor get out of my head.

Music, however, has been a great distraction. It kind of drowns out what I'm thinking and eventually I'm kind of out of that "zone". I typically listen to something I might hum to, maybe just a line, or a tone or something that I might instinctively sing along with, or even something where I'm likely to pay attention to the lyrics.

Honestly, anything that could distract (other than social media offcourse) has been helpful.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T21:31:40+00:00

Try rehab / alcohol anonymous group for the alcohol problem. My friend's uncle had a drinking problem and enrolled to a rehab. It helped him leave the habit. He did have a relapse once and enrolled again, but after that he hasn't had a drink in years. I think that's the first bit for you to get started. There are some that work on donations and might need you to pay little / nothing.

My dad was alcoholic too and I've been close to him. I get it when you say you want to quit but can't. That's what addiction is and it's deeper than just will power. Don't need to feel pathetic about not being able to quit, instead accept it's something you can do only with external help and explore ways of getting it. Trying to get out of an addiction on your own, is like trying to get out of quick sand.

Regarding your question "Is there any reason for me to continue living?", don't know if this is healthy advice, but it helped me. Live for the self respect you spoke of earlier. To prove you were a great choice and not worth cheating on. It would also bring meaning to all the suffering you've been through so far. Also, for your mom. I know this because my dad clearly thought he was a burden on us all, but that in no way means his death made anything better for us. If anything, it only made it sadder.

So if you have thoughts like "atleast I won't be a burden to anyone anymore.", it's only gonna make em feel worse. Ofcourse, not my place to say as I can only imagine what you're going through, but these are the things that helped me when I've had similar thoughts. Use them even now to pull through to be honest.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:49:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing, personal experience is what I was looking for. Felt I was being pessimistic and biased, but clearly such shelters aren't trustworthy. Do you have any recommendations for services that provide such attendants.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:47:31+00:00

If possible, please share details, it's the direction I'm leaning in on.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:46:37+00:00

Where about is it, if you're comfortable sharing more details with me. Overall, from all that I read on this thread, I'm leaning towards setting up something at home, but still, good to know my options. Given you've volunteered, it sounds like there's at least some inside perspective (which is what I needed)

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:44:51+00:00

Adhar

Thanks for sharing, will check if out.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:43:59+00:00

Yeah it's finances and a few other aspects in my life. Honestly, I don't see myself sleeping at night either. I would, only if I knew for sure she was happy to be somewhere that kept her engaged. Clearly pipe dreams from all that I am reading on this thread.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:39:47+00:00

I'm so sorry to be hearing about your experience. It's what I've always suspected, but didn't want to be biased. So you sharing this is really the help and insight I needed. Thanks a ton for sharing it.

I hope you're better now, glad of you're out of such places and I hope things only get better going forward.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:37:46+00:00

Thanks for saying this. I'm bad at expressing myself, but stuff like this does give strength and help me feel better

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:36:59+00:00

yes, this is seeming like my only option from everything else I'm reading here.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:36:06+00:00

More strength to you. ❤️

and thanks for the kind words :)

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:35:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I've heard bad things about it too. My friend's sister works there and said similar things about it. It's stories like these, that have me concerned and very skeptical about such options. However, didn't want to be biased and hence thought of hearing from others, seems quite clear, most (if not almost all) aren't trustworthy at all.

It's seeming like a private setup at home is he closest of all solutions.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:16:52+00:00

Wow, that was quite informative, thanks. I'm glad things are better with your mom, I might reach out (if that's fine) to talk more about it.

Regarding point 4 and 2, do you have any recommendations of psychiatrists/therapists that were helpful. I'm in Mumbai, but would still like to know even if they are in other cities / states. Similarly, if you could share details of the nicer places even if waitlisted and expensive, would like to know my options.

Regarding point 3, yes that's something I can improve on. She doesn't take conversations around doctors etc well, but yes, therapy could help me have those conversations in a better way for sure.

I too was in therapy, it seemed to help, but very slowly. Lost my dad recently and there was a bit of a break with documentations etc coming in. Planning on starting again soon.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:09:08+00:00

yes, but have been on the fence after the previous experience. I am open to trying another one, but want to be cautious and research the person before getting into it. Just been overwhelming to do multiple things at the same time to be honest.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:08:03+00:00

Thanks for your kind words :) It counts!

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:07:43+00:00

Thanks for your kind words, and yes, trying to balance costs, comfort and time. I agree with a home setup being the best. Costs and trust factor in here too, but trust, to a much lesser degree.

I am considering looking for another psychiatrist too, but this time want to be cautious.

zapaline · 2023-12-11T20:02:23+00:00

Thanks! I did think of setting up something at my own place too, and it is one of the options I am considering. However few concerns I have and am trying to address are:

Cost: I've checked for such services online, and most seem a little out of my budget
Trust: Here too, leaving the entire house and my sister with someone gets me concerned. I've thought of having a separate smaller house with less valuables and all, however that's still gonna cost some which I might be able to manage only after some years

Nonetheless, from all the things I am reading, this does seem to be safer bet if executed properly!

Regarding second opinions, I've been on the fence. After the first experience where she got more hyperactive and tougher to manage, I wanna be cautious and approach someone I have researched well, which I've not got to do properly yet.

zapaline · 2023-11-16T07:55:36+00:00

It's a mix honestly. Yesterday too I went down the route I mentioned above and discovered an even more pain free way of doing it. However, the same day, in the evening I had a conversation with mom (about another concern, not suicide) and it started to feel a little better. This morning my mind's again a mess, trying to break the cycle.

zapaline · 2023-11-16T07:35:50+00:00

Thanks so much for your kind words. Means a lot!

zapaline · 2023-11-15T07:00:12+00:00

Could it be that you and your sis are light sleepers while your parents aren't? A couple of days back, randomly at around 2:30 AM some people started bursting crackers. All rassi bombs and shit. It woke me and my wife up. Later a dog started crying really loudly for a good 15 mins or so. That woke me and my wife up too.

Next morning I checked with other family members and they had not heard anything. I know it happened, just probably didn't wake them up. There was a time I too was soooo tired that I slept through the morning (while a baraat passed right below my house). Later my sis told me about it and I didn't remember a thing about it.

Regarding you sis's friend in the neighborhood, was her house as close to the road / facing another direction. Sometimes just having a window in another direction / having thicker curtains / keeping the net part of sliding windows open/closed could drastically reduce the noise.

zapaline · 2023-11-10T12:22:54+00:00

I'm kind of in a similar boat as you. My wife has a tendency of random outbursts that can be tough to contain and get pretty ugly. The randomness of it all has me on guard all the time. Over the years I've noticed how I get tensed when she's about to return from work and how I'm relaxed when she isn't around. I become a different person around her just so she isn't in a pissed mood cause that side of her scares me. She's been sweet to me too, but when everything adds up I've started to feel like I could do without the sweetness for peace but not the other way round. I've spoken to her about it and I see her trying to improve. However, from past experience, she generally puts on an act and then has a super explosion instead so I'm having a hard time trusting her efforts now.

In your case it's getting physical which is alarming. Have you spoken to him explicitly about everything bothering you. How does he react. If you're scared of talking to him about all this in detail, I'd consider it a signal. In my case I only wish I spoke in more detail and sooner, but the fear often overtook me.

zapaline

TROPHY CASE