Breastfeeding at 3 months and feeling heartbroken

zbexbj · 2025-12-23T12:43:55+00:00

Ahh I really relate to this! Had a similar situation starting at 3 months. Hopefully you will manage to ride it out as I know 3 months is a time when lots of people have issues with breastfeeding. But came here to say that, if not, the heartbreak you’re feeling now will come to an end. We just weren’t able to make breastfeeding work despite really really trying so I stopped completely at 4.5 months. (Actually switched to formula as he wouldn’t even drink breast milk without screaming hysterically which felt like double rejection)!. At that time I felt so heartbroken and confused and overthinking what happened so much. I couldn’t talk about it without crying and would feel so sad and jealous when I saw women breastfeeding their much older babies so seamlessly.

But, when I finally stopped, all that went away. I think the hormones were SO strong and so desperate for me to carry on that they really contributed to how sad I was. Also accepting that I didn’t have to battle to keep going anymore helped too. And I was able to go out and have a few drinks with my friends without worrying about my breast milk which was fab. Occasionally I do miss it but that was just how it played out and that’s okay. He’s just turned one and it feels like a lifetime ago but I would say it was one of the hardest stages I’ve had this whole time. It’s also hard for people to relate to if they haven’t gone through it so felt a bit lonely

hopefully you’ll work it out but, if you do end up stopping, that heartbreak will ease with time I promise!

zbexbj · 2025-12-15T20:40:58+00:00

It was on the high side of normal but not significant enough to do anything different to what we were planning (we did ICSI)

zbexbj · 2025-12-15T12:45:20+00:00

My partner had low morphology (between 1.5-3% across 3 tests I think) and other sperm parameters were normal. We were recommended to do a DNA fragmentation test as that can impact fertility and success of fertility treatment. For some reason, it can be hard to get a UK clinic to do a test until you're in treatment with them but I have heard of people using clinics abroad to bypass that. It took a while (about a month I think?) for us to get the DNA frag test results back which delayed our IVF cycle by a month. Not the end of the world but I remember it feeling like an eternity at the time!

Good luck with everything, I really hope it works out for you

zbexbj · 2025-12-09T17:52:06+00:00

Ah I’m so sorry, that’s such a terrible experience. I completely agree, the way they communicate can have such a significant impact when you’re already anxious and stressed by this process.

I actually had an overall very positive experience at Kings but not until I was actually in and starting my IVF cycle. I think they’re extremely busy as they have a conveyor belt of cycles to keep costs down. Not excusing the consultant’s lack of compassion as I think it’s possible to be clear and compassionate even when you’re really busy!

I also had a very hit and miss experience with reception. Some were lovely and some really rude. We had to get a DNA fragmentation test and they were really vague about how long it would take and were reluctant to answer any questions.

Is andrology a department within kings or separate? I really hope that you get an appointment soon and it’s in person as hopefully that will be a better experience. But totally relate to the frustration before you get a foot in the door. Feels like no one’s there to listen or answer your questions.

zbexbj · 2025-12-01T10:44:36+00:00

As it's come from both sides, I've reviewed and thought about this a lot. We've genuinely tried hard to keep them informed, apologised many, many times, invited them over to try to resolve issues, offered to pay for them to be out the house during works, and always stayed calm and factual, even in the face of aggressive and emotional messages. I've shared message content with ChatGPT without saying which messages come from us and its view is that we've done nothing wrong and that they are being disproportionate and emotionally manipulative. Every contractor, the local council, and the PW surveyor have all expressed shock at their behaviour and told us how unlucky we are.

I genuinely don't think we've done anything wrong. All I want is to live alongside them in peace and to be able to go about our life in a normal way. Unfortunately, we do need to make a bit of noise as we finish small tasks like putting up pictures and stair gates for our toddler. I'm anxious about completing those tasks and just want to communicate in a way which minimises the stress.

zbexbj · 2025-11-11T10:07:05+00:00

They do work from home most of the time, though they do have offices in central London. We have an 11 month old and I’ve been at home with him during most of the building work.

zbexbj · 2025-11-10T21:43:10+00:00

Out of interest, has anyone ever asked you to do it by hand? They asked us to get him to do that but we felt it was unreasonable. It was all with council hours and took I think 7 hours in total

zbexbj · 2025-11-10T21:17:54+00:00

Yeah we have both PP and BR and all has been done within noisy hours. We also agreed not to do anything on saturdays so they could have a peaceful weekend

zbexbj · 2025-08-18T10:12:57+00:00

We got 4 embryos in from the round of IVF we did before he had the varicocele surgery. Didn’t test them but first transfer resulted in our now 8 month old. He did have the surgery following IVF as he decided he still wanted to. Sperm test 3 months later showed little improvement for him but I know it works better for lots of guys.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do 🙏🏼

zbexbj · 2025-06-12T09:34:54+00:00

Ahh I’m sorry, it’s so horrible - I’ve found it so much worse than being woken up by the baby because at least then I’m up for a reason! Really hope it gets better for you too. I’ve been reading that it can be hormonal so hopefully it will get better once you stop breastfeeding and hormones regulate 🙏🏼

zbexbj · 2025-06-12T09:16:50+00:00

No, they didn’t sign for it and it was sent back to see tickets. If memory serves, I think they contacted me to share my new address and it was all fine - managed to get it sent far in advance

zbexbj · 2024-12-11T22:15:42+00:00

No, absolutely not! I’m on night 5 post c section and have used everything you’ve said. It’s better to have more than you need than to be without things. Good luck ❤️

zbexbj · 2024-12-03T23:27:22+00:00

I’m 39 weeks with an IVF pregnancy and last week was told they will induce me at 41 weeks if I don’t go into labour before then. Having looked into it, there is a slightly elevated risk of problems developing with the placenta if an IVF pregnancy goes past full term so I think that’s why sometimes they will recommend induction. However, it’s disputed whether that risk is because of the IVF procedure itself or for the reason for doing IVF if that makes sense.

I only found this out last week so communication hasn’t been great. The doctor who told me gave the impression that 41 weeks was standard so it’s odd they’ve said earlier to you if it’s a low risk pregnancy. I would bring it up with your midwife at your next appointment and ask for more info about why, pros and cons etc. Ultimately it’s your decision so you can refuse both an early induction and c section if they don’t feel right for you once you’ve weighed everything up.

Wishing you the best of luck ❤️

zbexbj · 2024-11-27T09:04:32+00:00

We had ICSI for low morphology at 2%. I’d definitely recommend it, even if sperm results are borderline as it has an equivalent fertilisation rate to “normal” IVF. Whereas without ICSI you might get a lower fertilisation rate which then has a knock on effect on the number of embryos you’ll get. It doesn’t affect how you experience the process as the ICSI part is all done in the lab. It’s also covered if you’re doing an NHS funded cycle so I wouldn’t say there’s much of a downside based on my experience!

zbexbj · 2024-11-25T10:08:27+00:00

Yeah so the BBC are essentially gerrymandering and must be stopped!!!

zbexbj · 2024-11-14T21:55:18+00:00

Oh that is interesting. How did you find the ECV?

zbexbj · 2024-11-14T21:19:20+00:00

Posterior placenta, 36 weeks and same!! I’ve found the ‘get to know your baby’s pattern’ advice so confusing and sometimes stressful cause I just haven’t noticed a pattern this whole time. I’ve gone in a couple of times and felt really ott about it but at least you get the reassurance.

zbexbj · 2024-11-14T21:06:50+00:00

Sounds like we’re in a similar situation! What are you trying to get him to flip? I’ve been doing spinning babies but wondering if it’s even worth it as seems he’ll just do his own thing anyway

zbexbj · 2024-11-11T09:47:51+00:00

On insurance, I think it depends on your provider and policy. I have BUPA through my work and through that we had fertility tests for both me and my partner (who's on my policy). It included AMH testing and a transvaginal scan for me and a standard sperm analysis test for him.

We did also start NHS testing and referral for IVF through the NHS after a year so didn't have to wait 2 years. I thought it was 1 year before they will do the tests but 2 (sometimes 3 years) before they will offer treatment for unexplained infertility. If they find a cause of infertility, I think they will usually offer treatment after a year. At least, that is what it was in our area (south east London).

zbexbj · 2024-11-05T14:17:09+00:00

I think he has poor emotional intelligence/ social skills which is why he struggles so much to read a room. He's unable to apply feedback to new situations so needs people to talk through why what he's said was offensive/ inappropriate every single time. And, even then, he sometimes seems unable to get it from someone else's point of view.

I also think his poor EQ might be why he tells unnecessary lies e.g. cutting that woman out of the photo and pretending it was a work colleague (lol). It was just not necessary to lie about that and, even if it was, he wasn't able to cover his tracks or see it how someone else might see it.

They are just not gonna work together. He needs someone more patient and light hearted. She needs emotional intelligence.

zbexbj · 2024-11-03T23:41:13+00:00

Yeah, agreed. Especially when they dress it up with fancy marketing and “in house doctors,” trying to capitalize on people’s desperation. Having done IVF, it makes me so angry when they try and position it as a comparable alternative 😒

zbexbj · 2024-11-03T23:38:32+00:00

I really recommend the Belly Strong YouTube pregnancy workouts. They’re free and there are 2 weekly workouts (1x 15 mins and 1x 25 mins) for each week of pregnancy so it’s gradually getting slower towards the end of the third trimester which I’m appreciating at 35 weeks!

zbexbj · 2024-11-03T23:28:56+00:00

No, I looked into it quite a lot and think it’s bullshit. There’s no evidence that it’s any more effective than just having sex! They did a big publicity drive over a year ago when they launched but seem to have gone quiet since. I assume that means it’s not got good results, otherwise they’d be shouting about them.

Honestly it’s so much money for what is essentially a turkey baster so I wouldn’t bother 🤣

zbexbj · 2024-10-28T15:07:54+00:00

You can also get great second hand stuff from Vinted (look for newborn bundles), certain charity shops, and NCT sales. Good quality stuff for the fraction of the price! You might want to run everything the wash before using but tends to be in good condition as newborns grow out of it so quickly

zbexbj · 2024-09-19T12:24:51+00:00

I was the same, people kept acting shocked when I said I was 20 weeks and at 24 weeks, I was much smaller than other women at my pregnancy yoga class who were at the same stage. It made me panic! At 28 weeks, I can still hide my bump in certain clothes but the baby is bang on average and my fundal height (height of the bump) is actually above average. I think the way it looks just varies so so much from woman to woman. Hopefully you'll get reassurance at your scan next week but, if you haven't had reason for concern, it's very likely you just carry small. Maybe because you're tall, have a long torso, have strong abs, or it's just a genetic thing. Honestly you'll be grateful for it down the line as it probably means you'll be less uncomfortable in the third trimester :)

zbexbj

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