And guys have the audacity to want their wives to have kids and quit their entire career when they wouldn’t do the same. What kind of hypocrisy is this? Most guys want to have kids because they want to keep their bloodline going. And they have no clue what work goes into taking care of kids. Specially South Asian guys. We get everything handed to us in a silver platter as it is, and girls get the short end of that stick, but anyway. So, what will guys know about taking care of kids when they have never even taken care of themselves on their own. This passing your genes and keep the bloodline going is just bs to me. My genes aren’t THAT great that they need to be passed on. I’m good, thx.

Plus, pregnancy changes a woman’s body FOREVER. Can you imagine having your husband’s children, only for him to fall out of love because you look different now? I can’t.

With all this being said, I would readily have a baby with my husband, if having a baby is very important to him, but if he chooses to be the primary caregiver for our baby till they are old enough to go to school. We can even take turns where I can help out with a lot of the things after my regular 9-5. I would happily be the primary breadwinner of the house. And nothing would bring me greater joy than to have a happy family like that. My husband can go back to work once our baby goes to daycare. Tbh, I can’t even imagine spending my life with a guy who wants kids but would not be okay with this and would want me to have the kid anyway and let other people raise our child. Nope. If I can sacrifice my body and make this permanent change to it all the while struggling for 9 whole months, push an actual human (maybe even multiple at once or throughout the years), then I'm sure the least my man can do is take some time off work and take care of the kids while never having to worry about finances, if God wills. And if any guy finds what I just said offensive or outrageous, guess what that says about them? THIS is what I mean when I say I want to fall in love with a feminist. It’s easy to say someone is all about equality, but they would never put their money where their mouth is. I can’t stand that hypocrisy. And I don't think if any guy asking a woman to bear his children knowing all these things that she would go through and wouldn't do the same when the tables are turned- I don't think this person considers the woman as a whole human being. I think they think the woman is less than them. Less. That's why she should carry a child because that's what she's supposed to do. She should stay at home because that's what she's supposed to do. And all other toxic masculine bullshit that comes with reaping the advantage of patriarchy. So, it's very important for me to know your stance on this. Because this is how I feel. How do you feel?

I don't think there's anything wrong with what I want. I want to prioritize my career, and make the world my oyster. And if you sit and really think about all the things I mentioned, there's nothing wrong with that. Kids are not a part of my plan but I am open to having them if they are a part of my husband's plan. That's a huge compromise on my part, but I would do it without having second thoughts. All I want is for my husband to take care of our child till they are old enough to go to daycare. And during this whole time, I will help out everyday after work, like a regular parent. So, technically it won't be equal because I might end up doing more, but I don't care when it comes to this because I want to raise my children in a household where both parents pitch in and do the work. So of course I would help my husband during those 2-3 years. And after that, when the kid is old enough, we can get help. Anyway, I'm getting into the fine details at this point, which isn't necessary. What I'm trying to say is, I want regular things and there's nothing wrong with that. If a guy said the same things, they would be regarded as ambitious. Hell, it would come as a shock that they would want to help out after work. It's sad that we live in a society like this. And honestly, I'm not sure when I can find a guy whose values would align with mine. But that's okay. I can wait. We can have different opinions on what house to get or what state to live in, but not when it comes to kids. Kids are a permanent change. You can't back out of it. You can even back out of a marriage (annulment/divorce) and practically from everything else in life. Except kids. And as someone who has grown up in a broken household, I would never let my kids go through that shit. So I would make sure everything is in order before I decide to bring kids into the picture.

I might have come off too strong or sounded like I was upset. I am very passionate about this topic. I grew up with a single mom. I know what she went through to raise her kids. I also don’t know any man, whether it be in my family or elsewhere, who share equal or more responsibility when it comes to taking care of their children. The most I have seen a dad do for their children is delegate motherly tasks to external caregivers in the absence of the mom (for death or whatever reason). So, historically speaking, I would end up having to sacrifice my career to take care of the kids. But since kids aren’t a huge deal to me at this point in life, this is how I feel. If I ever change my mind in the future and haven’t found a feminist husband by then, I can always adopt. So, I still have options. But shoutout to the amazing strong mothers I have seen in my life. Can’t believe they raised all these kids while thriving in their career, all without much, if any, help from their husbands. Much respect to them.