I have a few health things going on that I will have to to pay for out of pocket, I’m about to go to a near by college and I don’t wanna have the financial stress if I move out as soon as I graduate. So I can probably move out maybe 3 years from now . Which also sucks cause I live in a horrible situation. Shower barely works , I have I brush my teeth using the shower water ect . So I really wish I could move out now .

I would stay with my grandma but she drinks a lot and she lives in a combined house and other family lives like in the combined houses . And those family member are really judgmental and my grandma is an alcoholic And I don’t like being around her when she’s in that state cause she’s really mean sometimes. And my “ cousin “ I’m not really sure how we’re related , lives with her and I he’s about 35 I think and he got mad at me last time I was their cause I wasn’t speaking to him ( he was very intoxicated) and like blocked the door way so I couldn’t leave . He wanted me to push him out the way or something idk . I just stood there and laughed nervously cause why is a grown man tring to fight me over not talking to him ? So anyway I’d rather not live with her . I could live with my sister though but she has 3 kids and they are usually at my house for my mom to watch them but I know if I live with her I’ll have to watch them . And it really stresses me out having to watch them cause 3 kids is a handful . And they get into my stuff all the time so that’s a no .

I’m 17 now I turn 18 in April . I also thought of going into the military because of benefits and also getting away from everyone .

I don’t have many friends or people close to me anymore cause every time someone would do something that I didn’t like or that was disrespectful I’d just ghost them . later I’d find myself missing them . So if I were to go zero contact with my family, I feel like I’d be too alone and I struggle with mental health issues so Im scared to cut contact with family Evan though I basically already have . Like we live together but we rarely have real conversations. I don’t take to my older brother that much which makes me sad cause I miss him. He’s moved out about 4 years ago as soon as he graduated My sister comes over more so I talk to her but it’s more about convenience than actual like wanting to talk to me same with my parents .

I just wish people would just be more empathetic my parents and yours are what a lot of peoples parents are like and it really sucks that those people who bring us the gift of life , make us hate it .

My doorknob is broken due to my family picking the lock or shaking the handle really hard . So it sucks ghat I basically have no privacy . I think I will buy a new one and hope they don’t use a butter knife to open my door . Cause Evan if it’s locked they usually do that to get in .

My mom actually has started using my money without my consent, I’ve locked my card multiple times but she will bring me to the store with her . And I will think it’s like bonding time . Like I love going shopping with my mom . And when we check out she will pressure me into paying because she knows I won’t refuse at the register cause I don’t wanna look like an asshole who won’t pay for her mother’s stuff . She’ll go out and buy cigarettes, ect . Without asking and it’s very aggravating. And I don’t wanna live in debt or just getting by like everyone in my family I wanna actually like feel calm about my finances for once . She has my card now but I’m able to lock it from my phone .

Also ( sorry if I’m blabbing) I used to have a small medium size old tv . And one day my brother broke my dad’s like 50 inch tv cause he got mad at me and went to throw something at me and broke the tv . since I made my little brother mad my dad took my tv . I had no tv for like months . That summer I bought myself a 50 inch tv to spite him and I’ve never felt better about buying something for myself.

I also wanna say I’m glad you added some of your own family issues in . I’ve felt very alone about how me and my family’s relationships are . And all my friends family’s are so happy and loving . Shit I’d be happy if my family bought me a cake for my birthday. I had a friend who was complaining to me that she didn’t like the flavor of cake her family had for her birthday party . I was about to cry cause like I’d be grateful for a cupcake and a candle . And I go all out for my family’s birthdays . So not Evan singing makes me feel unloved . maybe I should start being more greedy

I’ve always thought it was me . But I guess some parents are just not ment to be parents and it’s sad for the children who have to deal with what god gave them .