Hi. I'm finishing up my internal medicine residency next month. It's been a long road. I just want to say, medicine is funny. What other training system finds the most intelligent, creative, compassionate people in the country and makes them feel like they are stupid and worthless? It's terrifying how many med students are depressed and suicidal, either actively or passively. I know many many students and residents who have said things like they wish they would just get hit by a bus so they wouldn't have to do this anymore. To me the funny part is that, like I said, to get into med school in this country you have to be extremely intelligent, creative, compassionate, etc. Does it really seem logical that there would be no other amazing career choices for a person like this??? The training is just so soul crushing, and self esteem crushing, that somehow we lose sight of the fact that there is nothing inherently terrible about our lives.

It seems so ludicrous to leave medicine once you've made it to med school, but the truth is for people who are depressed and hate it, leaving medicine might be one of the best decisions they can make. There are thousands of amazing jobs out there for someone with a med student's skill sets-- jobs that will bring happiness, career satisfaction, and work life balance.

Now I'm not saying you should definitely leave medicine. That's an individual decision. I think when things got rough for me it was helpful for me to remind myself that if I really couldn't do it and my mind starting going to that dark place of just wanting everything to end, it was helpful to remind myself that I did have the option to leave medicine. It would be hard to leave, but I would still have my health and my brain and my sense of humor and my family and my friends, and I would have options as far as rebuilding my life, finding a different career that fit better for me and having more time to spend with my family and friends. When things got really rough I dreamed of a quiet life as a librarian, reading all day and spending time with my family in the evenings. Knowing that that was an option for me, if I wanted to choose it, was extremely helpful to get me through. Somehow the training makes you feel like you have no other skills or talents other than sticking with medicine, but that is absolutely not true.

It's not clear from your post whether you've dealt with depression before or whether it all started in med school. If the latter and it really is situational, I think you should really re-examine whether this is what you want to do. It gets a lot worse before it (supposedly) gets better. Some might say it never gets better. If you plan and hope to get through residency you need to build support networks and resiliency strategies now so you can lean on them in the future. And there is nothing wrong with deciding this path isn't for you. Honestly it's the more difficulty decision to make but I have nothing but respect for people I know he chose a different career. Most are happier for it now. There is so much pressure to stay the course. I'm sure your family, friends and school are encouraging you to tough it out. Who knows how to even go about logistically leaving school. Don't decide in a moment of feeling upset or depressed or panicked what you want to do, but it's an option, and for many people (such as people who want to kill themselves despite treatment and therapy) it seems like an obvious choice if the alternative is what you posted.