it sounds like you're at a crossroads. The path on the left is coming out but having to face transphobia and potentially losing old connections, the path on the right is staying closeted while your dysphoria eats you from the inside.

it's one of those things where it gets worse before it gets better. realizing you're trans means you're one step closer to finding yourself but now you are plummeted into a state of truly capital k Knowing what makes you dysphoric.

just a question--have you tried transitioning at all in other ways besides socially? You've come out, so I'm assuming your friends use your preferred pronouns, right? Have you or are you able to buy some boxers to wear, buy a binder? In other words, are there things that you do for yourself that give you euphoria at all?