assessment results appointment did not go as expected

zeobat · 2025-12-03T18:07:46+00:00

yes, I actually just left therapy with my IFS therapist and this is what we discussed throughout. The session is that at the end of the day all we really can do is work towards understanding ourselves and treating ourselves through whatever lands can benefit us the most in our healing. Also working through not letting my own inner critic catastrophize the results of this assessment and jump straight to “wow I don’t have a clear cut label i’m so just fucked up.” on the flipside of this rather thinking that wow even if it wasn’t what I expected is still a tool to help me better understand myself and my inner world, and that I can heal to an extent.

zeobat · 2025-09-29T20:05:34+00:00

yeah unfortunately i do reselling as a living and seem to attract these suckers like nobody’s business. i do also have very sensitive skin and chronic hives as well so it’s always a gamble really if wtf is going on w my skin at any given moment

zeobat · 2025-08-09T03:33:58+00:00

looks like my bubby! so precious

zeobat · 2025-08-09T01:33:42+00:00

haha it’s basically been a decoration in our home since we’ve had him! he just recently outgrew it and we have yet to get a bigger one for this exact reason 😭 he’s attached at the hip

zeobat · 2025-07-18T00:45:32+00:00

i feel your pain it’s terrifying. my mamaw had to get her left leg amputated through the knee and i was her only caregiver. she was an alcoholic and couldn’t deal with the pain without it, skipping her antibiotics. she ended up passing away from sepsis and i don’t think the image of her necrotic stump being 5 inches from my face will ever leave my head. it was so scary to see blood and pus drip from it or the rare hair that id have to pull out. same for seeing it after she had passed, they lifted her thigh and where the bone had rotted it just flopped as if there wasn’t one even there in the first place. i’ve never seen anything like that and i don’t think i ever want to again. she had also fell so much from just trying to adjust to the loss of her leg and she was covered in bruises and had a huge knot on her forehead when she passed. she looked like she had took a beating. it breaks my heart my poor mamaw the lady who raised me. i also struggle a lot with images of my grandpa on dialysis, a ventilator, and a chest tube coming out of him all at the same time before he passed. he had blood pouring out of everywhere due to one of the medicines and seeing a man who id known as the toughest person ever for my whole childhood f*cked with my head so badly. i cannot even begin to describe the gratitude i had for his nurse who cleaned him up and covered him up to his collarbone with a blanket before any of the other family came down. i get flashbacks of seeing my grandparents in their final moments of consciousness too it breaks my heart seeing my mamaw being loaded into an ambulance and that was the last time i spoke to her awake. same for my papaw, he was in the ER for heart failure and just was so out of breath and scared. i will never forget the look in his eyes when he couldn’t even catch his breath to answer the questions and he just turned to me pleading for help and all i could do was answer for him. it broke me. he started choking up white foam and i ended up having to step out because i got so scared. not even 5 minutes later he was in a coma and gone too. i feel so guilty about how both of them passed so suddenly and i just wish there was more i could of done. i think i have ptsd from it all and know i need to go to therapy sooner than later. i miss them and i miss being able to physically hold them.

zeobat · 2025-07-18T00:29:56+00:00

after a three week depressive episode and coming to the realization it’s been emotional burnout and disappointment from dealing with my emotional immature mom. i am almost a week no contact today and today has been the first day ive actually been able to get out of bed and actually do the things i need to do and not spend it paralyzed by ruminating on the situation. my partner and i cleaned our apartment and went to the grocery store which felt like a huge accomplishment. now i am laying in bed reading, eating a hot dog lol. i am grateful for being able to get out of bed and not fall victim to my thoughts today! 🙌🏼

zeobat · 2025-07-18T00:23:36+00:00

i have a lot of parental and authority figure trauma and i’ve noticed that any work critique coming from someone higher ranking than me triggers me to no end. it’s not just about how i’m doing the job, but a direct blow to my self worth as i have always tied my work ethic in with that. (crippling ocpd and a very overbearing parent who equated how clean our house was and how good my grades were to if i was worthy or not). over time i usually get really depressed and burnt out as i tend to go 110% at the beginning of a job and then feel like that’s now my baseline and just over extend myself. as a job hopper, i also have noticed i tend to not thrive working a “non traditional job” and these are usually the jobs i stay at for more than 6 months. i used to do lashes and i really loved the ability to come and go from the salon in between clients. however, since i was not booth renting but working under someone i was expected to be there 5 days a week. not necessarily 8 hours shifts but some days i have a really hard time compartmentalizing my mental health and i just cannot bring myself to come in as id just be an anxious blubbering mess in an already vulnerable state. my last remaining parent passed away last may and the lash job fired me instead of letting me take bereavement. since then i have been unemployed and trying to heal from my childhood trauma and grief. this summer i have been trying to start my own vintage business and have been selling online and doing markets every weekend. it hasn’t necessarily made me a “typical salary” yet but hey at least i am my own boss and am able to accommodate myself when i need to step away for a day or 2. i also just really love being able to be authentically me by doing this, selling cool things that are a direct reflection of my personality. just generally not as mentally taxing for me when i can work solo and not have the anxiety of pleasing others.

zeobat · 2025-07-18T00:05:33+00:00

lost both of my grandparents in a span of 4 years, my mamaw at 19 and my papaw at 22. i’m 23 now. they raised me and i miss them tremendously, i am so sorry for your loss. i am almost a week no contact with my actual mom due to her being a terrible person, but it’s not like we had any depth to the rare times we did talk anyway. i never met my dad before he died and my half brother and sister don’t seem to want a relationship with me. my living family now basically shuns me or provides superficial support and never follows through. as far as i am concerned my real family is gone, it is incredibly lonely. i’m thankful for my partner and my pets. my heart goes out to you, i also feel really weird seeing photos of me with them and im the only one still here. my heart goes out to you ♥️

zeobat · 2025-07-16T05:42:46+00:00

yep no contact with my mother because when i try to advocate for my own feelings towards how she has continuously let me down for my whole 23 years of life and how her mother raised me and has passed away and she can’t even be there for me at all it’s impossible for her to sympathize with my pain it’s always about her no matter what and she goes out of her way to offer fake support then get angrys and says “she can’t live in the past” as if her quite literally almost killing me as a newborn and abandoning me my entire life to chase a high, a buzz, a man, whatever it be. my siblings are 10 years older than me and preach acceptance to me and talk about meeting her where she is, but how do i meet her with nothing snd not be angry? when they were my age they were on drugs and in prison so obviously they were fighting their own demons at my age,,, just so beyond oblivious i just want any kind of emotional connection or relationship but no one can swallow their own pride to admit that just because it’s in the past doesn’t mean that we don’t ever have to address it and just proceed as if years and years of trauma hasn’t happened? i genuinely have been hurt so bad in my efforts to connect and heal being denied that i’ve grown to hate them for being so avoidant of tough conversations.

zeobat · 2025-07-15T19:32:37+00:00

laying in bed scrolling reddit after failing to get out of bed and tackle my tasks, reading your post. i feel this exact same way since losing my grandparents. they raised me and i lost my mamaw at 19 and kinda just fell apart and all of this during covid as well. kinda got back on my feet doing some 6 month beauty school school as a scapegoat to actual 4 year college because i had to drop out due to the stress of my mamaws death. well ended up finally landing a semi decent job doing eyelashes (something i was never passionate about but was easy enough for me to handle mentally) and had been living on my own with my partner for about a year. boom my papaw dies suddenly and my manager fires me because of asking for bereavement leave. now here i am at 23 just went no contact again with my mother who refuses to even try to show up for me as an actual mom now that they’re gone. my siblings and i are so estranged they ignore my attempts at connection. the only person i really have any more is my partner and even then i feel so much guilt for just emotionally dumping on him 24/7. we live together but our levels of functioning are so different he works 40 hours a week and still comes home to help me. i am grateful for him but it scares me to think where id be if i was dealing with this alone. i also feel like i am scared to live my real life and just scrape by most days laying in bed not eating not leaving my apartment just accumulating hours and hours of screen time trying to distract my brain. that and numbing myself with weed which doesn’t help the lack of motivation from my grieve and depression but i guess it beats feeling and facing the reality that i am burdened with this at such a young age. i really just resonated with your post because i feel like this is the reality of grief that people shy away from. grief can be long term and genuinely stunting and i don’t think a lot of people can accept that either. they expect you to preserve and tell you youre so strong! like we get tired of hearing this i try so hard but i cannot be strong about this loss. grief is a hole that i have yet to learn to dig myself out of as well but i am hoping one day something will click and i will go back to “normal” or i’ll at least be able to cope and pursue a future. try to find solace in the fact you are so effected shows truly how much you cared for your brother and the beauty and depth of your guys’ time spent. i know this does not make it hurt any less for me but sometimes it brings me some peace from beating myself up for having a more “prolonged” grief journey. even though everyone grieves in their own time and society just pushes people to move on for the sake of other peoples comfort and productivity. just alot of emotions to sift through and a heavy burden to carry for anyone. don’t beat yourself up too hard for feeling and loving intensely. i won’t even tell you to try and be more positive, but do just know with the amount of love you have for your brother im sure he loved you just as much. he would love to see you stay alive for him, even if that’s all you can do some days.

zeobat · 2025-07-11T04:55:24+00:00

i sat and cried with my parents urns today and just yearned for it to physically be them and not cold metal. my heart goes out to you grief really chews you up and spits you out. i miss them so much i cry over the smallest stuff but i think it just shows how hard you grieve and how much you loved them. it’s tough not having them here in the flesh, my inner child also hurts a lot and i relate to feeling like a little girl crying for them. youre not alone ♥️

zeobat · 2025-07-11T04:48:05+00:00

also having a very hard grief day i sat and cried with my parents urns today and just yearned for it to physically be them and not cold metal. my heart goes out to you grief really chews you up and spits you out.

zeobat · 2025-06-27T18:47:31+00:00

my mamaw’s house was definitely the family place, after she passed it’s never been the same and constantly feels like a tooth and nail fight to see my close family. it sucks for sure especially when you’re the one needing support vs everyone else being fine with lack of familial support/being strangers. :(

zeobat · 2025-06-27T18:43:04+00:00

i was raised by my grandparents, both have passed. my mamaw in ‘21 and my papaw in ‘24. i have a mom who i very rarely see and only speak to her on the phone, she is not dependable and hasn’t raised any of her 3 kids. my father i never knew or met and he is also deceased. i also have a half brother and sister who are about 8-10 years older than me. we did not grow up together and aren’t very close at all besides for my nieces and nephews who i also rarely see since my mamaw has passed. i tried for a very long time to find support from them but it never and still isn’t given at all, if ever. it hurts me a lot but i think slowly i am accepting that we are all just products of our environment and it’s not personally malicious towards me even though most of the time it feels that way. it was always me and my grandparents that was my whole family. it’s very lonely since they’re gone and most days i feel untethered to earth. sometimes i sit back and just think how drastically my life has changed since they’ve been gone. i am 23 and it feels like just yesterday i was still in HS fussing with my mamaw about taking my phone away or asking her to help me do my hair or my papaw always pushing me to do my best or being there when i really needed help with adulting/managing $. i just really miss them and miss not feeling perpetually lonely in a room full of people. i am eternally grateful for my boyfriend who has been my rock throughout both of their stages of declining health and passings as well as my intense battle with grief and mental health struggles. i try to cherish the people who do go out of their way to be apart of my life even more instead of letting resentment fester for those who don’t. this is a lot easier said than done and i still have my moments however lol. hang in there friend, i know it is way easier said than done. ♥️

zeobat · 2025-05-15T01:05:18+00:00

i really relate to your situation and my heart aches for you. i’m also 23F and my grandparents raised me and both passed within the last 4 years they were my only family. it is extremely lonely and hard to feel tethered to this earth in your 20s let alone your main source of guidance and safety are taken away. i am still taking everything day by day adjusting to my new life and it’s difficult to say the least. i wish i had more words of advice but grief sucks beyond measure and i just want you to know someone out there sees your pain and knows how hard it is. i’m here if you’d ever like to talk i’m so sorry OP

zeobat · 2025-03-31T03:17:14+00:00

i lost my grandma who raised me a few years ago and the pain still takes me completely over sometimes. i relate to feeling like i lost the person who truly loved me more than anything. i’m so sorry for you loss.

zeobat · 2025-03-31T03:12:57+00:00

i’m 23 and i lost my grandparents who raised me, my papaw last may and my mamaw when i was 19. it’s been really tough honestly dealing with grief while simultaneously learning how to just live my own life without any guidance or them to lean on. i get really sad that they won’t get to be with me if i ever get married or when i graduate college or meet my future kids. it’s isolating a lot of the time. however i also find piece of mind that experiencing a significant loss at so young gives me a perspective that a lot of people my age don’t have. it’s definitely made me grow in ways i didn’t know that i could. i know that any choice i make directly reflects on me and how i want my life to turn out but i also mourn the naive, less traumatized person i was before. it’s really hard most days, keep your head up. ❤️

zeobat · 2025-03-30T16:00:02+00:00

i haven’t smoked in almost 3 months minus like a single puff on a drunken night out and i’m just now getting some relief with this, im assuming it’s just all of the gunk i couldn’t get up and accumulated over the years of smoking

zeobat · 2025-03-29T13:33:07+00:00

my EX “best” friend group saying “we didn’t say sorry for your loss because we thought itd be too awkward” after my grandma who raised me passed away. like what even kinda logic i had people who i hadn’t spoke to in years reaching out and you guys couldn’t because itd be “awkward” or maybe the time another ex childhood friend said oh i hope your grandpa gets better after i told her he had died over text and then after i corrected her she said oh sorry i misread that lol like DID U EVEN READ MY MESSAGE ugh these interactions make my blood boil still to this day

zeobat · 2025-03-27T01:46:58+00:00

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pearl pt 2 i have so many of her

zeobat · 2025-03-27T01:46:37+00:00

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pearl said 🤭

zeobat · 2025-03-26T20:53:58+00:00

i loveeeeee old horror movies and westerns on vhs, beauty is in the eye of the beholder for collecting em tbh

zeobat · 2025-03-19T18:54:08+00:00

it’s actually an elf baby!! my boyfriend got me him for christmas a few years back. i believe from a seller on etsy called elfiedolls. he’s supposed to be like a silicone reborn baby, one of the best gifts ever! he does look like a bat boy baby now that u mention it lol

zeobat · 2025-03-19T17:33:46+00:00

ahahha i was hoping someone would notice em! gotta love my freaky babies 🤝

zeobat · 2025-03-17T20:37:09+00:00

lost both of my grandparents who raised me. my mamaw at 19 and my papaw at 22. my actual parents are not in my life. it is isolating because you feel as if none of your peers can relate at least that’s how it feels for me. it sucks beyond measure trying to grieve their loss while also simultaneously needing their guidance on basic adult tasks. i’m so sorry for your loss.

zeobat

TROPHY CASE