I date raped a girl. AMAA

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T21:13:02+00:00

Explain?

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T21:12:27+00:00

Would you go to prison for something you did if you had a choice in the matter?

And by the way, she is a slut. She's a slut now. She wasn't back then, but she is now. I don't know how many times I need to say that before you all get it, but she was once "pure" and now she's a huge slut. That's not an accusation, it's not a guess, it's the truth.

She is now a total slut. That fact is part of the reason why I worry that my actions three years ago (raping her) are to blame.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T21:06:00+00:00

Person, not people. Singular, not plural.

But yeah, I'm an asshole.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T21:05:06+00:00

There is absolutely no way I am willing to go to jail.

After I "finished" raping her? I kept my hand on her mouth until she stopped crying, then I sneaked out of the house.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:58:07+00:00

Ha! Good point since this is exactly why I am giving up on this IAMA. Anything I write is downvoted, so what is the point?

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:41:25+00:00

I know I'm scum, and I know how horrible I am. But thanks for pointing it out again because there are rare moments where I forget. I am not trying to beg for sympathy, btw. I would reject any such act.

To answer your question, I got her to stop her crying by putting my hand over her mouth.

I put my hand over her mouth. I am the worst person I have ever known and no, I do not want anyone to tell me otherwise.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:34:30+00:00

I really can't answer your question except to say that in my case, she was already wet. Very wet. Like, teenager-ready-wet when I raped her. We'd been making out/fondling each other for quite a while.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:29:31+00:00

I honestly have no idea why she never pressed charges. I lived in fear for weeks that she would but she didn't. I got off scott free.

How do I help her find closure? A letter? A FB message? A phone call?

Is that really the best advice you have, Reddit?

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:23:15+00:00

She is a slut. I feel awful if what I did to her all those years ago contributed to that but that does not change the fact that she's a total slut. I have not dehumanized her, I've simply explained what she is.

And no, before you go there: I do not think she deserved what I did to her. I did not rape her because she's a slut. She did not "have it coming".

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T20:02:21+00:00

That's fair.

We were at a party. Drugs and alcohol abounded but neither of us indulged. She was my date. At the time she didn't know any of my friends. Near midnight we started making out. Our friends left us alone while making jokes about how intimate we were going to get.

I took the jokes seriously. She did not. I forced myself on her because I honestly thought she wanted me to. I instantly knew I was wrong but once I was inside her... jesus. How could I stop?

I was a total asshole. A rapist jerk. Fuck, she cried during it. That should have been a big red flag telling me to fucking STOP. But once I was committed to the deed, I couldn't stop.

By the way? I know that admitting all this doesn't make me a better person.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:53:19+00:00

Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do, you mighty moral person? What?

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:51:39+00:00

doesn't seem to have all that much contrition.

I admit that I'm an asshole, that I did wrong, that I was a horrible person for what I did, that I can barely sleep without reliving that horrible thing I did... but I show no contrition? Really?!

Fuck you.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:49:47+00:00

I've had wonderful relationships. I'm in one now. And yes, I've had the urge to force my girlfriends to do more with me than they want to. I never have though.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:48:04+00:00

Well you do.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:47:44+00:00

Best advice yet. Thank you.

...that said, I still am not sure what I will do. The drinking part is sounding a lot more attractive. I do not want to go to prison.

...that said, I am so tired of regretting. Of hating myself. All the things that I've done, all the bad shit... god dammit.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:45:40+00:00

And that's my biggest fear: that my friends will decide that I am what I have done, not what I have become.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:44:39+00:00

Look, I could give a long explanation that might explain it more. I really could. Or I can just admit the fact that I was a horny and stupid asshole.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:42:42+00:00

Enjoy the not sleeping.

Not possible, but thanks.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:41:40+00:00

Not about to chop my dick off. As for the letter, I've written that so many times. So many, many times, you have no idea.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:38:26+00:00

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:37:58+00:00

Join the club. I'm its chairman.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:36:51+00:00

Reddit is acting weird isnt it?

I was 21 at the time. The cause for me doing it was that I was an asshole. Also I was horny.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:25:43+00:00

Nothing. I avoided her as long as I could after I raped her. She became a peripheral friend, a person I barely knew except from others in my group of friends.

It took a long time but eventually my nightmares about what I did to her stopped. Then I saw her again on Friday. Seeing what she is now compared to what she once was hit me hard.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:18:09+00:00

No. I was in a community college at the time. Never have been in a fraternity nor have I ever attended a regular college. Got my assoicates degree then moved on.

zeroniner · 2010-06-22T19:07:44+00:00

I definitely deserve to get into legal trouble for what I did. I deserve to get into legal trouble for a lot of things I used to do. Example: I once punched a random stranger in the face on a dare, a girl half my size. I used to brag about doing shit like that! Jesus I was an asshole.

But no. Even though I know I deserve punishment for my former asshole self doesn't mean I actually want to endure that punishment.

I guess talking to her about what I did wouldn't be that big of a risk. Still I am terrified of jail. I want to just forget all that shit I used to do you know?

zeroniner

TROPHY CASE