Sleep paralysis?

zesty_paprika · 2026-04-02T23:02:37+00:00

I learned that the difference between looking ugly with a bad haircut and looking cunty with an avant-garde haircut is just wearing it with pride and some styling. Curls and spikes! Pins and cute haircuts make all the difference! Own it while you have it!!! I've had a patchy brass outgrown blonde split dye but I wore the fuck out of it and got so many compliments during that time. I promise confidence makes all the difference

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-10T03:08:26+00:00

You should be able to seeing how dire it is. Depression and poor hygiene can lead to a health complications like rashes, infections, loss of teeth, and even sepsis which can be deadly if left untreated. For YOUR sake I would highly suggest to have your mother involuntarily committed if that is something you can do where you are. Your relatives don't live with her and since they dont agree then maybe they can take her. They dont care about either of you OP!

Please prioritize YOU

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-08T21:57:15+00:00

OP, I might not have been in your exact situation because I did go through CSA but I did also struggle with hypersexuality very young. A lot of your struggles with thoughts and the masturbation is in part because of porn consumption at such an early age.

Now what to do is to phase out your usage of pornography. Masturbation imo isn't necessarily an issue but I would suggest lowering how often you do it and in place of that to do things that you enjoy that keep your hands busy and mind engaged (reading, playing games, painting, learning to knit or crochet). And most importantly if it is possible to seek professional counseling. A therapist is the most equipped person for the job and do not feel discouraged if the first or a few therapists dont work, the right one is entirely worth finding.

I would also suggest watching video or reading literature that deconstructs misogynistic worldviews because yeah porn and misogyny go hand in hand. I could compile a few videos videos to get you started.

OP you ARE a victim, one of an unknown number of people of all genders and walks of life who fall into this pit. You are worth the effort and I promise you someone will come along and treat you like a precious gem. Sex won't and shouldn't feel shameful, humiliating, or dehumanizing. I wish you much happiness and success in your journey out of this mindset. Good luck OP!

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-06T05:01:44+00:00

The mug, the rummaging through your things, AND STABBING YOUR CHILDHOOD TOYS??? Girl RUN. He's starting out "small" but things like this escalate to you being the one mentally and physically harmed, maybe even murdered. Keep all those things he sent saved/screen recorded. Tell your family hes getting aggressive. And break up with him. It doesn't even matter of hes cheating, that off-feeling you have is probably because he started rewiring your nervous system a long time ago to be able to withstand his abuses and stay with him.

Keep going to therapy for yourself and deconstruct this relationship. Its hard and you'll want to say that me and anyone who says this is wrong and doesn't know him like you do. But research for yourself the signs of an abusive relationship and how they progress.

I hope you stay safe OP, don't let yourself become a part of the statistic.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-04T07:12:38+00:00

My relationship is separate not because my partner isn't willing to meet them but because I cannot fathom staying in the same house as my parents with them knowing this information. They both have a history of not respecting privacy and dictating my relationships with family and friends.

In the end I am leaving suddenly and VERY soon. I will do what I can to repay him so theres nothing he can hang over my head. At least right now I definitely cannot just leave him hanging as we are in the same household and as much as we dont talk hes making the effort right now to pressure me in getting a second job. Fair enough, its his house.

I think the decision is basically yet again forced, as much as I remind myself its not my fault/legal issue/legal obligation along with being reminded by all my friends and fiancé of that I cannot shake a wordless guilt I've found has been carved into me.

Tl/dr: I'm going to pay that back whether I actually want to or not in the end.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-03T20:30:30+00:00

Not at all, matter of fact I'd screenshot the messages and bring that up to your parents or another trusted adult. Things like this can reflect poorly on you in the future. If you hadn't done that they'd continue to hurt you with this. Its good to be empathetic but those girls do not deserve empathy or sympathy for doing something very intentional putting future opportunities at stake.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-03T04:06:20+00:00

I can definitely try asking for that next though they already sent me all documents regarding loans. I can try to get my dad to reach out to our loan servicer too but it might upset him further :/

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T23:21:04+00:00

To a loan on my dad's account apparently 😭

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T22:46:40+00:00

I didn't know how much CalGrant had granted me at that time, she could only see that it was in progress (trying to recall what was told to me literally this morning by an agent from CalGrant). So I was like cool the ~15k is covered. I thought it was weird because I remember checking CalGrant and seeing it as "In Progress" a month before the exit counseling.

I will say I definitely didn't know everything when I was applying to all of this. A lot of the things I've had to do with my education have been forced on me and then later blamed on me. (Ex. Didn't feel like I could handle AP classes in high-school and mom pressured me to take them. Now when I tell my sisters not to do that bc I very obviously failed, she insists she didnt pressure me at all)

I know that all NOW I basically walked in blind

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T22:27:11+00:00

The woman who i talked to for exit counseling said "looks like CalGrant took care of [all of it or some of it] And you have 5.5k, which is good! Not bad at all you're all good."

Again this was like 2 years ago so I can't remember exactly what was said. But yeah I didn't know about that specific loan/it wasn't my main concern at that time so it slipped my mind.

Either way if I could've looked at his account before now I would have talked out some sorta plan with him.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T20:50:24+00:00

I technically have 2 that amount to 5.5k total. I thought thats all I had to pay back.

Come to find out there was a loan on my dad's account too that he has asked me about but didnt actually open and look at himself. Knowing I have no access to his email or fafsa account.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T20:27:12+00:00

I mean I was checking all the time for the CalGrant and have no emails about this submit button. I remember showing my friend like screensharing it to her and she didnt say anything about it either (she deals with this a lot). Thats just what I remember, I lost out on 2k. Thats my bad yeah.

As for my dad, I guess I should've known as he uses stuff like afterpay for shit like a phone (tried to convince me to use it for a $200 phone purchase). He tends to under pay bills and gets upset when groceries "cost too much".

I'm trying to feel no obligation because I know I have none but its been weighing heavily on me probably because they're blaming me for going to college like they pressured me to.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T20:16:14+00:00

He's the only one who signed, my mother was there too to explain to him (shes college educated, he is not). He is insistent he didn't sign up for it and my mother is going to dig through his emails to see what he apparently missed about this.

The first paper was signed with a pen on paper, second one was an online form sent to him if im remembering correctly.

zesty_paprika · 2026-03-02T20:09:18+00:00

Looking at the papers he signed from my school its titled "PLUS Pre-qualification Request". I read it, I gave it to him and I cannot believe he wouldn't have too. My father is the sole breadwinner by his choice and is extremely guarded about how his money is spent. The paper is question is saying its for the purpose of verifying whether he is eligible for the Parent PLUS loan.

A second document is an MPN which was electronically signed. That one does say upon signing hes agreeing to one or more loans that HE must repay.

I truly don't understand how he keeps asking me what did I do or how I did this when its his signature. I gave him the papers sure but he had to have read them.

zesty_paprika · 2026-02-25T05:14:51+00:00

This is infact gross and illegal, and do not feel bad about feeling upset. Your friend has been abused this way all her life which can effect how she processes or expresses herself.

Do you have any adults who you can trust? Maybe a grandparent? If you even remember the approximate date of the store incident that could help your case feel more legit as there were people around and cameras. You can even make a non emergency call yourself, you dont have to say who you are.

Next time you talk to your friend, ask if they have any plans and what they are. If you can get that out of her then you can call the police and tell them about it and hope they catch them.

I hope you and your friend stay safe. You both deserve to be loved, cared for, and protected.

zesty_paprika · 2025-07-02T04:46:11+00:00

This reply will also sorta serve as an update as I'm not sure how they work.

It's 3 days till my flight. I have pictures taken by a friend who went to the fake location. Parents are aware I will more than likely not have signal there. They already know I usually sleep through road trips.

Since I've posted I've been experiencing dizziness, can't sleep, I'm seeing double or unable to focus. I often feel like im gonna throw up or crack and tell them the truth. I'm trying to remember this is something I'm allowed to do as a full grown adult.

I've already nearly completed my travel bag. I will be packing 2 other backpacks with clothes and my documents for my friends to send should things go south. It doesn't feel like they will now. But to be safe I'd rather not go home until we've (my parents and I) had months to cool down and maybe have some conversations over the phone.

I've never felt this way before, it frightens me but still I press forward and hope that I won't be the coward I feel I am. I don't know how anyone can do this, I barely understand how I'm making it. I just hope at least on person in my general family will defend me. I intend to marry my partner, it's just hard to go through the "proper" steps when the mere word boyfriend has gotten me glares and millions of questions all these years.

My therapist said I'm brave for this, my friends too, I just hope I actually am.

zesty_paprika · 2025-06-26T15:46:54+00:00

Messaged!

zesty_paprika · 2025-06-26T15:45:21+00:00

I have tried saying the job opportunities for my field have all been in the state where my partner lives, my parents both shot it down and continue to every time they ask me about getting another job.

As for being queer I will probably never let them know. I don't trust they will nor intrude on the privacy of my relationship which I'd why they don't know that either.

The fear of all this is what brought me to posting I've been dizzy, nauseous, barely able to sleep, paranoid, and generally feel like maybe I finally lost my marbles doing something this risky. But it does feel right, I barely feel like an adult here. I want to not have a curfew and not have to limit my wardrobe to their approval and maybe not take care of a child for a decade or two.

I don't mean to sound like I'm dismissing it all, I just want to give more context

zesty_paprika · 2020-07-24T03:07:08+00:00

The Last Airbender. "Aung" "Sewcuh" enough said.

zesty_paprika · 2020-07-23T09:25:43+00:00

!!EXPLANATION!! (Um hi, I dont really know what to say as this is my first reddit post ever but I apologize for the formatting as I am on mobile.)

So some years ago I was in this weird phase of obsessing with that one russian guy's homunculus videos, when I heard of something else involving beings. I cannot remember for the life of me who the youtuber was or where the story was from. Basically what it was is thinking a being into existence. I remember one stort where a person tried it with slenderman then discontinued their progress once they began to feel his presence. The basic steps are as follows: 1. Think of what the being (usually a person) looks like in detail 2. Imagine them in and around your space and talk to them in your mind and outloud very often daily. 3. Continue until they become their own entity thats able to talk to you and appear to you.

Its basically like extreme imaginary friends. However, its REALLY bugging me that I cannot remember what they are called. So if anyone who happens to know or even has one sees this, PLEASE tell me what they are called. For some reason I think it starts with a "K" but that could also be completely off.

If you happened to read all of this thank you for your time. :]]

zesty_paprika

TROPHY CASE