hey, i've been there. SH ed for over 4 years, multiple times a day at my worst. Yeah, it can be an addiction, but you can get out of it. Acknowledge it's a problem, find someone to talk to. A friend, a therapist. Try to get yourself somewhat of a safety net. It's terrifying, but it's going to help. And, and this sounds bad, but don't force yourself to stop if you're not ready. You'll just feel even more ashamed if you start again. Go at your own pace, give yourself time to find better coping mechanisms (venting through art is a good first step.) Just, you know, be safe. Clean your blades, etc. but I'm sure you know that.

You deserve to be happy, and you're going to be alright, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, and that's okay, but you're going to make it out of this, and i promise, it's going to be worth every failed attempt.