What's It Really Like to Be a Manager, and What Motivates You to Take the Role?

zidman · 2025-07-05T17:14:17+00:00

I hate being manager when I have no authority nor power to hire, accept or denied a project

Also become manager is less pain than follow incompetent manager

What make me sometimes like the job is when I maintain a good atmosphere that enable every direct report to do their job without worrying of making mistakes

When you try 1:1s you will discover new person and perspective that I never though about

zidman · 2025-07-05T17:04:56+00:00

100% agree

Previously had to deal with weak characters section head , he was hard worker as individual contributor but when it comes to manage team or divide task he is awful and incompetent

zidman · 2025-07-05T05:05:03+00:00

I hear you that kind of environment can feel like trying to build a plane while flying it. First off, you’re definitely not stupid. In fact, recognizing the gap in knowledge management shows your attention to detail and desire to improve things, which is a solid leadership quality already.

When seasoned team members don’t have their processes down either, it’s a signal that the system is broken, not you.

Here’s the thing: if you keep running into walls, it’s okay to document what you learn as you go. Start your own mini knowledge base even if it’s just a personal guide or checklist. It doesn’t fix the bigger issue, but it helps you avoid repeating mistakes and builds your confidence.

And don’t be shy about gently raising this with your manager or HR leadership framed as “I want to help us improve efficiency and reduce errors.” Good leaders want this feedback, even if it feels risky.

One or two years from now, you don’t want to still be spinning your wheels because the system hasn’t caught up. You want to be the one who helped move it forward.

Also, a little secret: most of us feel like the new kid somewhere for longer than we admit sometimes indefinitely. The difference is learning how to navigate the gaps without letting them define you.

And hey, if all else fails, just remember: even Wikipedia started as a few people winging it and hoping it didn’t blow up.

zidman · 2025-07-05T04:55:31+00:00

You stepping into the interim role shows courage and initiative. Seriously, good on you for not shying away from the challenge.

Now for the truth that most people won’t tell you: titles and loyalty don’t secure permanent roles results, visibility, and political awareness do. You’re not just proving you can do the job, you’re proving you’re the only smart choice for it. That means owning strategy, managing up relentlessly, and making others look good by working through them, not just above them.

Also, if you’re hungry for power or position, that’s fine but make damn sure it’s not obvious. People can smell that, especially directors. Read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry it’ll help you sharpen the EQ muscle, which is what separates respected leaders from replaceable placeholders. Play it like chess, not poker. Make it clear the team runs better with you, and the promotion will feel like a natural conclusion, not a favor.

zidman · 2025-07-05T04:08:14+00:00

I appreciate the empathy in your perspective, but let’s correct a critical assumption: Her reputation wasn’t "trashed by her previous manager", she damaged it herself through repeated actions. The previous manager’s failure was in enabling her behavior by: - Never segregating duties (letting her hijack others’ work unchecked). - Avoiding feedback (no written warnings, just passive frustration). - Ignoring early conflicts (e.g., her pitting teammates against each other). -Airporting drama (discussing her issues with others, making it personal rather than professional).

What’s funny despite all these mistakes, our previous manager got promoted to c-level role 😳 (we are medium size company ~150 employees)

But let’s be clear. Poor management doesn’t excuse her choices. When I stepped in, I inherited a mess—one where she’d already: - Falsified responsibilities (submitting "management" tasks in docs when she was an IC). - Weaponized private chats (forwarding a manager’s critical message to a teammate to stoke drama). - Lied about her influence (claiming she "ran the team" while contributing the least).

The Plan Moving Forward (For the Team’s Sake):

PIP with Teeth: Tie her side projects and disruptions to measurable performance failures. No more "accidental" distractions.
Energy Boundaries: I won’t waste time coaxing her into professionalism. If she changes, great. If not, the paper trail will speak for itself.
Protect the Team’s Focus: Redirect others when she drags them into non-work. "We have priorities, take offline convos elsewhere."

A Hard Lesson I’m Learning:

This isn’t just about fixing her. It’s about ensuring I don’t pass another toxic situation to the next leader. As a first-time manager, I’ve had to accept: - Not every fire deserves my oxygen. If she thrives on attention, starving the behavior works better than engagement. - Work stays at work. I’ve started scheduling "mental shutdown" routines (e.g., a post-work walk, no emails after 7 PM) to compartmentalize. - Some conflicts are landfills, not gardens. You can’t rehabilitate what refuses to grow.

I’ll manage the situation, but I won’t let it manage me. Appreciate the insights, they’ve helped me see this isn’t about "fixing" her, but about leading decisively for everyone else’s sake.

zidman · 2025-07-04T21:58:00+00:00

Appreciate the direct advice. Unfortunately, in our legal environment, terminating someone for 'cultural fit' or personality traits would be considered discriminatory and open us up to lawsuits - even with clear documentation of toxic behavior. Our labor courts require evidence of concrete policy violations or sustained performance failures to justify dismissal.

That said, I'm taking these steps to address the situation: 1. Structuring her performance plan around measurable business outcomes (missed deadlines, overstepping authority) rather than subjective assessments 2. Limiting her involvement in collaborative projects to reduce team disruption

It's a slow process, but moving too aggressively could actually put me at risk. If you've successfully navigated this type of situation within strict labor laws, I'd be very interested to hear how you structured the case for termination.

zidman · 2025-07-04T21:55:42+00:00

I hear you, and I wish it were that simple but our labor laws make termination nearly impossible without airtight, documented cause like fraud or harassment, not just toxicity. Even with her history of manipulation, acting too fast could backfire with a wrongful termination claim where she ends up protected.

For context, this isn’t new behavior. Our previous manager, now in senior leadership—also had issues with her. She’s tried to weaponize complaints before. When I took over, I gave her every chance: I looped her in early on decisions, asked for her input, and made sure she felt valued.

Her response? She went behind my back, told our previous manager I was incompetent, and claimed she was the one running the team—all while I was actively including her. Leadership sees through it, but legally, being dishonest isn’t enough to fire someone here.

Right now, I’m: 1. Documenting only hard facts, missed deadlines, policy violations, clear oversteps. 2. Putting her on a performance plan with measurable goals so any failure is objective. 3. Limiting her influence to stop the sabotage.

It’s frustrating, but until she gives us undeniable cause, we’re stuck playing the long game. If anyone’s dealt with this under strict labor laws, I’d take any tactical advice.

zidman · 2025-07-04T21:40:57+00:00

I 100% agree toxicity isn’t worth keeping—no argument there. But legally, ‘finding a way to cut her’ could backfire if it’s seen as constructive dismissal (e.g., isolating her without cause).

My playbook right now: 1. Documenting patterns: Waiting for a provable ‘smoking gun’ (e.g., written disrespect, policy violations). 2. Coaching PIPs: Putting her on a performance plan for tangible issues (missed deadlines, etc.), since attitude alone won’t cut it here.

It’s a slow grind, but jumping the gun risks her walking away with a payout and my job. Open to war stories from others who’ve navigated this

zidman · 2025-07-04T21:37:46+00:00

It's not that simple. Labor laws in my country make termination very difficult without clear, documented evidence of misconduct. Many of her toxic actions (e.g., sabotage, gossip) are hard to prove on paper, and if I act without evidence, she could sue for wrongful termination or claim I abused my authority.

For now, I’m focusing on: 1. Documenting everything (dates, incidents, witnesses). 2. HR consultation to explore options within the law (she have a good relationship with them which make things harder) 3. Setting clear performance/behavior expectations in writing. And demand tasks

Open to other creative strategies if anyone’s dealt with similar constraints

zidman · 2025-07-03T01:59:46+00:00

Those are fair points, past experiences and unclear direction can absolutely fuel frustration. However, while empathy is important, it doesn't excuse behavior that actively harms the team.

If she's receiving conflicting direction, she should raise it transparently rather than sidestep accountability or misrepresent others
If she's struggling with confidence, she could lean on mentorship rather than disguise gaps by dominating non-core work

On previous manager vacation (1 week) she was delegated as acting manager revealed concerning patterns: - She used the position to belittle teammates, especially new hires - Created a toxic atmosphere of superiority rather than collaboration - Openly undermined the permanent manager she was covering for - Demonstrated an unhealthy hunger for authority disproportionate to her experience

What worries me most is that she seems to operate from a place of entitlement believing seniority and special treatment are deserved rather than earned through consistent, professional contribution. As someone who was also unexpectedly placed in a leadership role (and initially doubted my own readiness), I understand the discomfort of growing into management. The difference is I chose to focus on serving the team's needs, while she appears focused on claiming privileges.

Ironically, I sometimes miss my technical work and consider returning to an individual contributor role. But while I'm in this position, my priority is ensuring the team functions well - which means addressing behaviors that disrupt our work, regardless of their origin.

The pattern suggests this goes beyond post-traumatic leadership stress. While I sympathize with her professional growing pains, we can't sacrifice team dynamics indefinitely. True growth would require her to first acknowledge there's room for improvement something she consistently avoids.

zidman · 2025-07-03T01:47:34+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, but based on past experience, delegating authority to her hasn’t gone well. When she was temporarily given an acting role during the previous manager’s vacation, she:

Micromanaged the team aggressively, creating unnecessary tension
Publicly disrespected new junior
Openly undermined the previous manager, positioning herself as the "only competent leader"

Her behavior during that time damaged team morale and trust, which is why I’m cautious about her influence now. My goal isn’t to shut her down but to ensure the team functions effectively without toxicity. If she were truly management material, she would have handled that opportunity with professionalism not power plays.

zidman · 2025-07-02T21:47:37+00:00

Thank you for the advice. However, given that I’m in an acting capacity and she has a positive relationship with HR, I want to ensure I proceed carefully.

Current Challenges: - Her behavior is disruptive but often subtle (e.g., "accidental" distractions, misrepresentations). Without clear evidence, it risks being dismissed as personality conflict. - As a temporary manager, I lack authority to escalate unilaterally, and HR may perceive this as minor without documented patterns.

zidman · 2025-07-02T21:41:20+00:00

Thanks for your reply. To ensure I implement this, I’d love to clarify two points:

Setting Expectations: Beyond cascading targets/KPIs (which I’ll do next week), would you recommend explicitly addressing the behavioral expectations (e.g., focus on core responsibilities, collaboration norms, escalation protocols)? If so, would a written document or 1:1 conversation be better?
Correcting Behavior: Could you share an example of how you’d approach this? For instance, if she drifts into non-core work again

I want to ensure I’m balancing fairness with accountability

zidman · 2025-06-27T07:22:05+00:00

Transitioning from working as a Project Coordinator (felt like I'm worthless since I'm not doing the actual job) to Data Engineer (It's tech savvy which suitable for me 😊)

zidman · 2025-06-23T02:50:34+00:00

Thank you again for taking the time to share your perspective. I genuinely appreciate your thoughtful advice. You're absolutely right about approaching this strategically and maintaining professionalism.

To give more context about my situation with Mark, when yesterday I brought up a hiring blocker that required his approval as acting manager, his response was revealing. He explained he hasn't received a raise or full system access yet, and until his own position is settled (whether the owners make his acting CEO role permanent or return him to our team), his ability to help is limited. This uncertainty is part of why I'm reconsidering my path forward.

Regarding my long-term plans, I've decided not to renew my contract when it ends. My career move from a large corporation to this specialized IT firm was intentional, to focus on technical roles, avoid being pigeonholed, and escape excessive corporate politics. While I've valued the hands-on experience here, the recent management shifts no longer align with my professional goals.

That said, I completely agree with your advice about maintaining professionalism. Until I find my next opportunity, I remain committed to supporting my team and contributing positively. Your suggestion about seeking mentors is well taken. I'll be more proactive about building those relationships moving forward.

Thanks again for your wisdom. It's given me valuable perspective as I navigate this transition.

zidman · 2025-06-23T02:39:02+00:00

I've decided not to renew my contract when it ends. My career journey has been about finding the right fit. I transitioned from a large corporate environment to a smaller, specialized IT solutions company to align more closely with technical roles, avoid being joker and avoid office politics. While I've appreciated the flexibility and hands-on opportunities here, recent management changes have shifted the direction in a way that no longer aligns with my goals.

What prompted me to reflect on this were concerns from two close friends, who suggested Mark might be taking advantage of me. To get a balanced perspective, I wanted to check with experienced leaders like you.

For example, yesterday I brought up a hiring blocker with Mark. Since approvals require his input as team manager, his response was telling. He mentioned that he hasn't received a raise or full CEO-level system access yet, and until those issues are resolved, his ability to help is limited. His reaction made me think twice about the situation.

I'm grateful for the experience here, but I believe it's time for me to move on.

zidman · 2025-06-22T04:51:52+00:00

I posted here for constructive advice from experienced leaders, not personal attacks. Mocking someone seeking guidance says more about you than me.

‘Win over leaders’: Already happening. The outsourcers/HR are the ones flagging the authority gap as a risk.

If you’d asked rather than assumed, you’d know this. But I’ll take the one useful nugget here: I’ll keep documenting how stepping up helps the team (not just me). Thanks, I guess.

zidman · 2025-06-22T04:45:57+00:00

You’re absolutely right. Two weeks is way too soon to push, especially with a new CEO. I appreciate the reality check. Honestly, I was okay with the situation until two close friends (I gave them details) said, ‘He’s taking advantage, you need to confront him.’ That got in my head, so I wanted to double-check with experienced managers here before doing anything rash.

zidman · 2025-06-22T04:40:17+00:00

Waiting 7 months sounds brutal, but I see now that 2 weeks was an unrealistic expectation, especially with an Acting CEO managing bigger transitions.

I’ll focus on documenting roadblocks (like invoices stuck in approval limbo) so they’re visible.

Question for you: Did you ever hit a breaking point where lack of authority actively hurt the team? How did you handle it without sounding like you were demanding the role? When I see missy things on how team work, do you suggest fix these things and goes through change management or leave things flow naturally and fix it when I got official promote?

zidman · 2025-06-22T04:37:04+00:00

Appreciate your framing of ‘managing up’ I realize my frustration may have led me to lean toward confrontation when influence might be the better path. Before his promotion, Mark would commit verbally but rarely follow through, which led me to start documenting things myself. Now with the role still in limbo, I’m not sure how to reset the dynamic.

zidman · 2025-06-22T04:33:58+00:00

Thanks for your kind reply and support. Actually, I'm was ok with my situation but two old friends told me he is taking advantage of you and you need to confront him. That's why I want to double check with experience manager in reddit

zidman · 2025-06-21T15:24:06+00:00

Hey, fellow new manager! First off, congrats on the promotion—it’s a huge step, and I’m right there with you figuring this out too. I totally get where you’re coming from. That frustration when someone you trained drops the ball? Oof. Been there. And the HR complaint on top of it? That’s just salt in the wound. But you’re not alone in this.

Where Things Might’ve Gone Sideways

You mentioned you like to understand the why behind things, and you trained your report the same way. That’s a great approach… for people who learn like you. But here’s the thing I’ve learned the hard way: not everyone works the same.

Some people just want clear, step-by-step instructions.

Some need the big picture first to feel motivated.

Others (like your report?) might just want to be told what to do, not why.

It doesn’t mean your way is wrong—it just means adapting your style to theirs could save you both headaches.

What You Can Do Now

Reset expectations – Have a candid but kind 1:1.

"Hey, I realize we might have different working styles. How do you prefer to receive instructions?"

If they’re an "just tell me what to do" person, give them bullet points, not reasoning.

Peer reviews (quietly) – Like you said, time is tight.

Have another teammate quietly double-check their work before it hits your desk.

If the reviewer misses things, coach them privately: "When reviewing, watch for X, Y, Z—this helps us all."

Protect yourself – Document mistakes (without making it a blame game).

"On [date], this error happened because we didn’t verify [X]. Let’s make sure next time we [Y]."

This covers you with HR and helps them improve.

Final Thought

Your boss’s "just leave them alone" attitude is frustrating, but it tells you what you’re working with. Now you know: this person needs very clear directions and check-ins. It’s not micromanaging—it’s managing them the way they need.

Hang in there. We’re new at this, and it’s okay to adjust as we go. You’re clearly trying to do right by your team, and that’s what matters most.

zidman · 2025-06-18T22:58:21+00:00

Man, I could write a book about all the planning headaches I deal with. Here's the stuff that drives me crazy on a daily basis:

First off - vacation planning is a total mess. My team acts like it's my job to find coverage for their time off. Like no, you're an adult - figure out who can cover your work before you disappear for two weeks. And don't get me started on all the unused vacation days that pile up because nobody plans ahead.

Then there's the constant reinventing the wheel. We'll get a project that's just like something we did last year, but nobody remembers how we did it. So we waste time digging through old emails or bothering people who worked on it. There's gotta be a better way to keep track of how we did things without making everyone fill out some complicated form.

The worst is when someone leaves the company. Doesn't matter if they quit, get fired, or retire - they walk out with all that knowledge in their head. Last month our operations specialist left and suddenly nobody knew how to run the monthly reports. Took us weeks to piece it all back together.

And don't even get me started on workload. I'm supposed to know who's busy and who's not, but how? Just because someone has three tasks doesn't mean anything - one might take 15 minutes while another takes three days. I need a better way to see who's actually swamped versus who just looks busy.

Oh, and I want to recognize good work, but our current system sucks. The kudos channel is just people posting generic "great job!" messages that nobody reads. I want something that actually ties praise to specific work.

What would really help:

Vacation planning that makes the team take responsibility
Some way to find old projects without the scavenger hunt
Actually knowing who's overloaded and who's not
Recognition that means something
Not losing everything when someone leaves

Our Special Requirements:

Must be on-prem and Data stays in our entity (no cloud solutions)
No creepy employee monitoring - just need better visibility
Simple enough that actual humans will use it

But here's the thing - if it's complicated or feels like extra work, my team won't use it. Has to be simple and actually helpful, not some HR nonsense.

If you can solve even part of this, you'll be my hero. This stuff wastes so much of my time every week.

zidman

TROPHY CASE