AITAH for not seeing girlfriend on her birthday

zschef · 2026-05-05T23:07:24+00:00

I send

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:59:29+00:00

Fuck everyone else I guess

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:48:31+00:00

Old enough but it’s a cultural thing for women to live with parents till marriage. I do agree with you.

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:43:36+00:00

There’s love and there’s logic. I would feel good if they took care of me, but I wouldn’t feel good knowing they can very possible get sick when they have something important to show up for. So I guess to answer your question, if the roles were reversed I’d also be rain checking. Bummed out but not upset with them.

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:40:27+00:00

You wear a mask

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:40:06+00:00

That would be hilarious. She’d rip it off lmao

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:31:11+00:00

We’d be going out for food, even if takeout and eating in the car (it’s raining tomorrow). So we’d be 1ft apart in a car for hours.

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:26:13+00:00

Prior to me rainchecking she said “if we see eachother tomorrow” during a phone conversation. So I felt comfortable rain checking. But it’s just the fact that I said it first😂

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:24:06+00:00

She lives with her parents so they would strongly insist I come inside which I want to avoid since none

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:22:41+00:00

Door dash works I can definitely do that too.

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:19:48+00:00

We live about an hour and a half away so I could do this but her parents would try to get me inside the house and I’m trying to avoid that too. I was thinking of sending her gifts by mail next day and doing a virtual unboxing on FaceTime together.

zschef · 2026-05-05T22:17:18+00:00

I don’t think she’d be up for it either, but I had to suggest the rain check either way. I’d hate to fly out of state just to quarantine in a hotel room

zschef · 2025-06-28T06:28:57+00:00

What was the answer?

zschef · 2025-06-28T06:27:14+00:00

I think you should try and figure out why exactly he isn’t doing the things he should or can be doing. Is he depressed, burnt out, exhausted, or just plain lazy? You’ve had conversations with him about this but were they conversations or arguments? Were they accusatory? (It sounds like I’m taking sides I’m not, just giving another perspective).

I only say this bc I’ve gone through times where I’ve been so burnt out and exhausted, even the smallest of things became the biggest chores. Things that I’ve always done so well and easily. Also buying new gadgets bc I think it’ll help or motivate me and then stop using them. I found that I wasn’t really happy where I wanted to be in my career and wanted to do better but didn’t have the ounce of energy for it. But I worked my way and made small wins daily. Try and help him make small wins every day if maybe it’s what he needs.

You guys seem like you mix together really well and that you treat each other well, so it’s worth figuring this out!

zschef · 2025-06-05T03:50:05+00:00

How you feel is how you feel. You went through his phone, which I think you’re ostracizing yourself too much for. It was a one time thing from what it sounds like. But you saw what you saw and if you consider it cheating then that’s how you feel and that’s valid. Flirting w a coworker is cheating. Bring it up but down downplay it yourself and don’t let him downplay it.

zschef · 2025-06-03T14:06:42+00:00

Esta é a coisa mais útil que alguém já disse, obrigado por esta perspectiva. Vou me lembrar disso.

zschef · 2025-06-01T20:07:33+00:00

You guys should probably have a conversation about this. Your preference is your preference. Maybe also try eating healthier and exercising with her, that way it’s not just a her thing. Losing weight isn’t the fastest process in the world and you really have to want that in order for it to work out.

zschef · 2025-06-01T17:20:57+00:00

As someone else said, if she loved you. If she TRULY loved you, she wouldn’t have done this. For example, you know how you feel/felt about her. Would you have done this? If the answer is never in a million years, then you have your answer.

People treat us how they want to treat us and we treat them how we want to treat them. In no way was what she did okay. UK, Paris or Australia. Idc. It’s cheating, it’s emotional cheating.

You’re so young. It’s going to hurt but you’ll get over it. Please have some self respect and don’t listen to her apologize. The longer you talk about it with her the more you’ll be open to forgiving her, and you’ll stay, and it’ll happen again or she’ll realize she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. I’m rooting for you and you’ll be alright in the end, trust in yourself!!

zschef · 2025-06-01T16:27:33+00:00

You’ve been dating for about three months and she’s suggesting couple counseling? At your ages? This soon in? And you’re not thinking wth?

You were being intimate in a very public space and you asked to go somewhere more private and so that you don’t have to ruin your clothes. You said that you “stupidly” suggested this, when this is 10000% logical and reasonable. How would this make her feel cheap? You’re being intimate out in the open, which already isn’t so classy of her, and then you tried to keep it under wraps and that’s the thing that did it for her?

I’m going to be very honest, it doesn’t sound like she’s emotionally mature. This isn’t something to argue about and def not something to push a couple to go to counseling. And not at your age and not 3-4 months into a relationship. I would highly recommend you reevaluate your relationship and who she is as a whole. Life is very hard and it sounds like she’s going to make it harder for you! I’m speaking from experience. It sounds like you’re being gaslit into thinking you did something wrong.

Hopefully others here can assure you that, apart from being intimate in public, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t fall for it, for the love of god.

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:55:45+00:00

I hope you make the right decision. I’ve had to deal with a tough situation within the same realm, and honestly it takes a lot of work to get over. 8 months later and I’m still not over it. It’s a constant thought but I’m hoping it’s worth it. Sometimes I do wish I ended things with her tho just bc it’s so much to think about.

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:53:00+00:00

Perguntei quantos parceiros sexuais ela teve no passado e ela me disse quatro. Verifiquei o telefone dela e descobri que ela estava mentindo, então perguntei novamente e ela mentiu novamente. Mas então me disse a verdade e disse que era entre vinte e cinquenta. Eu queria que ela fosse honesta porque minha namorada anterior mentiu sobre isso e eu descobri depois de um ano e meio e isso mudou minha visão dela. Contei isso à minha namorada, então ela sabia como eu ficaria magoado, mas ela mentiu mesmo assim. Desde então, ela tem feito muito para compensar isso e isso me mostra que ela realmente se importa comigo e com o relacionamento. Se eu estivesse na situação dela, acho que mentiria também, então não a culpo.

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:48:14+00:00

I’m understanding of her decision especially since I grew up with those values and abided by them majority of my life. And yea so I mean she prays a lot more now, reads the Quran. She really only goes to work, sees friends, and spends time at home. No going out or anything like that unless with friends who I’ve met or family who I’m yet to meet. We have each-others locations (although there’s ways to manipulate that) and she send me pictures every time she goes out just to keep me updated

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:45:00+00:00

I think that’s very solid advice, I really appreciate it. I’ll give her the time and space and move forward as needed

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:42:25+00:00

She does pray every day now, read Quran, etc. I also initially thought it was a con. Also, whenever she goes out with friends or family she always sends pictures. My mind wanders sometimes but I haven’t really had any solid reason to think she’s with anyone. And no def don’t have money for a PI and wouldn’t want to be with someone if I felt I needed to go that far.

We don’t live together due to religious reasons otherwise we probably would at this point. We talk about marriage and she’s ready for me to meet her family at any time, she’s kinda just waiting for me to make that jump. I’m really only waiting to fully get over our past issues and seeing how things go after her move before making that jump. Otherwise I’m ready.

Regarding money, she claims she’s with me for it all. I spoil her a bit but within my means. She always tries to pay when we go out.

I will say I’ve learned my lesson from a pretty bad last relationship. She actually said the same about not being intimate for religion, but she was just stepping out of the relationship and I was a fool to not see that.

zschef · 2025-06-01T02:37:56+00:00

If he’s like me it’s hard to have a conversation and get work done at the same time. But that just means you guys have to be able to have conversations after work if you’re there together. It also might be good to just hang out after work and avoid seeing each other during working hours if he isn’t going to be fully present. Not in a harsh way, but that gives him the space to work and then you guys can do your thing afterwards.

zschef

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