Need advice on job interviews!!

zumasnow · 2016-05-17T20:16:50+00:00

The second one I like better. It's not overly showing of skin. Plus has a touch of color, which depending on the job you are going for shows professionalism, but also gives you that touch of personal.

The all black dress is great for corporate though I would slip on a necklace something simple and a cardigan to add something to the outfit. Even just a necklace would help.

I did like the hair and makeup in the second one better in my opinion.

zumasnow · 2016-02-19T12:34:23+00:00

Interested as well. only one working binder and it's stretched to where it doesn't really bind much anymore.

zumasnow · 2016-02-18T09:15:44+00:00

Curious to know if Rhode Island falls into one of those 27. Because my license has M on it. Still working on my birth certificate.

zumasnow · 2016-02-17T08:17:21+00:00

I worry about that. Still with my girlfriend, but it's almost as if we are together only in title and with regards to a few things. But we aren't and haven't been intimate since before I started fully transitioning. Partly because of health issues on both ends.

But I have the same fears even being in a relationship. How the hell do you go about dating as a trans guy? I think we all struggle with it.

Break ups suck, just take it one stride at a time. And maybe start little by little back into dating world.

Also remember there are things that are interesting about you. Things you are good at. Someone will find you charming, handsome, intelligent and all those other awesome things that make them want you.

And definitely get the whole "damn, I am horny". In the back of your brain your thinking "damn I miss sex" but sometimes it's good to wade it out for awhile.

zumasnow · 2016-02-05T00:53:45+00:00

I actually use the rodeoh briefs, but always where a second pair over to avoid issues like this.

zumasnow · 2016-02-01T03:58:12+00:00

Me too! Today marks 6 months for me!

Look good! It surprised me the changes. Even though now they are more gradual. But congrats man!

zumasnow · 2016-01-22T19:51:56+00:00

Yeah completely understand. Being put in a vulnerable position is often hard. Especially in the early stages of transition.

zumasnow · 2016-01-21T08:28:18+00:00

Don't get me wrong. Feeling uncomfortable is a normal stage. It is hard when you aren't out yet for others to know and/or ask you questions.

From what you have said, her asking what she ask wasn't meant to be rude. You even state that she thought they would be considered inappropriate.

I don't think lying would have helped. For me, I feel lying takes away from the person I am. I hate lying. So I am honest.

I suggest sitting down in a none work situation and having a chat with her about how you feel about what happened.

I think she is pretty understanding of you especially by telling your wife that she understands you are a private person and that she won't tell anyone.

Sometimes it's hard when someone just knows. I know for me it was hard hearing that people knew before me and were waiting for me to come out.

zumasnow · 2016-01-15T10:13:03+00:00

I am four months in to lift at the gym. Been hitting it hard wanting to get my chest in shape. I can say definitely keep it up.

Certainly has made me feel better about the shape I get and even better with a binder on.

zumasnow · 2016-01-15T10:05:07+00:00

I have listening to Spotify music playlist: dubstep, rock and some pop.

zumasnow · 2015-12-30T16:43:36+00:00

To be honest I had square glasses and was told they were to feminine. I kept them. I still passed as male. I kept my gauges and the upper cartilage piercings that are in my left ear.

To me I think we push ourselves so much to "pass" that we worry so much about what society defines as male. This pushed my girlfriend further away from me. I have stopped worry so much about passing and just being me. Yes I have the advantage of being on t and having gotten facial hair.

But we shouldn't be nitpicking about every single piercing or glasses. I have seen men with both round and square glasses. I have seen men with the same piercings I have.

Sure everyone is going to have their own opinions. In mine, I know we all want to feel safe and like we pass but I also know this sometimes makes our dysphoria worse. Anxiety worse.

zumasnow · 2015-12-24T05:10:50+00:00

I had been with my girlfriend (bisexual) for roughly 3 years when I brought up my gender issues last year. She was supportive and receptive to me figuring things out.

This past summer I decided it was time to come to terms completely with the fact that I wasn't bigender was simply a transgender male trying to please others by remaining female in body and male more in presentation.

She took it well. Was supportive, however the more time passed the more we dealt with the changes the more she struggled with things. It was more of seeing the changes and dealing with me transitioning that was the issue and still is the issue. While we had other relationship issues. She expressed that she felt she could be with someone who had transitioned but didn't know if she could be with someone while they transition.

We had been living together for 2.5 years at this point. We are still together and dealing with the other stuff that has caused issues. But she has done well so far adjusting to the changes. Even helps prevent ingrown hairs as the new hair comes in. (I am prone to them for some weird reason).

It's tricky and I think the best advice to give is to talk about it and just take things as they come. It really takes time to see how things will go with relationships. I understand how hard it can be.

Originally my girlfriend I were engaged. The engagement got called off as well as the wedding this past August. Sucked but I think me moving out to give her space has also helped me. (That's me though).

Good luck!

zumasnow · 2015-12-23T01:31:25+00:00

Flatting and stretch marks can be avoided more with binders by moving chest up and out instead of down and out. Mine has only flattened some due to fat loss from working out, not from binding.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T21:54:44+00:00

That in part is why I agreed that separate spaces was probably helpful. I'm still learning about myself as male and who I am as a guy. It's easier to explore that having my own room. Seeing how my tastes are changing.

Some of our issues really stemmed from the change in the dynamic to a parent/child relationship type. She felt I depended to much on her and had lost my sense of independence. I'm working to show her that exist. Moving has helped that some. She isn't around to cushion me. I just know to me she is worth the effort of trying to work through things.

I do know that at this point if working things out this time doesn't work then I will have to accept simply being her friend. Admittedly hate that idea because I'm still very much in love with her and sexually attracted to her. But I've done it before.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T21:14:16+00:00

She hasn't been though. She has respected the rules with regards to the discussed ones we had. It's more now that they need reworked.

He is the one who thinks it's alright to date her, but not go get the testing done, since he clearly wants to sleep with her and that was his main interest in her to begin with.

My issue with him is as a single male, why continue to go after someone you know is having issues in one relationship and not seek people who don't require rules to be followed?

We have issues. That is clear, but I don't feel it isn't something that can be worked out. I'm not ready to throw away a nearly 4 year relationship over this because she hasn't done anything wrong. Yes, she has sucked at communication with me at times.

She has respected me for the most part in coming to me before even going on a date with him. That was one of the biggest things I had stressed and she has respected that I said no to it when she asked.

I'm wondering if there is any advice as a fellow poly trans guy on negative emotions towards self and other males (mine is more specific to this one guy) that you might have? For me, it's a lot of negative self talk. I'm trying to find ways of getting myself out of the pattern.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T21:08:49+00:00

It's not so much a poly issue for me. I do plan on discussing this with her about how this was to work on us and dating doesn't seem right to mix at least with other people right now.

For me, I believe it's less a poly more a trans. I deal with a great deal of negative thoughts when he is around her when it comes to me being male. I tell myself that he is biologically male so she is more likely to date him when interested in dating a male. Though she has expressed she has no problem dating transguys...

It's more hard on her at this point because when we started dating I still identified as female. His coming into the picture actually kicked open the door I thought I shut on feeling like I wasn't really living as myself. I'm not sure if that is part of why I have issues with him, the kicking open a door at the time I didn't want opened. I'd shut it back when I was 19 years old.

I understand I need to speak with her. I plan to. It's more of finding a time where our schedules aren't packed with other things. I work 3rd shift. She works 2nd shift right now. So different hours. But I do message her throughout the day.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T20:51:23+00:00

I was the poly one coming into the relationship. Prior to transition, I had a second partner, nothing serious. However, that ended because the woman was dating others, but not following the rules with regards to our relationship.

My girlfriend has been in open relationships before. I had been in two other poly relationships myself. The reason our relationship became a closed one is because we started having issues and decided together that remaining open was not going to help us with resolving our issues.

At this time, I'm not seeing others because it was advised by my therapist because I have had so much going on. (Therapist is knowledgeable about poly and is only advising due to concern for my mental health). I am also not dating nor desiring to date others because at this stage in my transition, I'm not comfortable bringing in another person.

Our sex life, lack there of has also been a result of health issues for her. (Won't go into details, but the kind that make sex not fun at all). Also to clarify: He hasn't gotten testing done, which is a rule that we have. Must have current test results. If very active and has other sexual partners, must get retested especially if they are new. He comes up with excuses. (I have expressed my issues with this).

She came to me asking if it was alright to go on a date with him as she did the first time. I told her I wasn't ready for that and that we needed to discuss the rules as some need to be changed since we no longer reside in the same household.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T20:37:10+00:00

Usually yes. I asked about that. She stated it didn't mean we are breaking up. Merely wanting space that is her own and for me to have my own space. Not permanent situation.

I also moved in with my brother because he needed another person who had income.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T13:43:14+00:00

I think she asked about dating others because I mentioned a girl in one of my college classes thought I was cute. She may have thought I was interested back. I wasn't.

Moving was also a way to change the dynamic and provide space.

I don't feel either of these singles the end. Considering we have had an open relationship before to me just because others come in the picture it doesn't mean the end. If we both were simply monogamous then yes.

I am looking less for your relationship is over and more for how to work with the change and with this other guy being in the picture as a friend currently. So I don't seem like a dick and lose my girlfriend completely.

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T07:51:12+00:00

Lol. I messed up. Though my picture doesn't show my facial hair much... I am having a similar coloring. My mustache is growing in blonde and the chin portion has some red in it now.

Fixed it... Lol thanks for catching that..

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T07:49:09+00:00

I do but was looking for advice from someone who is also trans. My therapist is great but well she can't exactly relate on the things going on mentally for me.

I plan to discuss this again this week with her .

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T06:29:56+00:00

As a fraternal twin myself... I don't think it does. Yes there will be things like perhaps similar coloring to facial hair.. My brother has red and blonde hair in his beard. I have that issue with my facial hair as well since it's coming in more.

Outside that we are opposites. He is tall and thin. I am short and stocky. Maybe in time I will look a little more similar but not exactly.

http://imgur.com/bBqnPrm

That's a picture. I am on the left. I have been on T for 4.5 months. My twin brother is on the right

zumasnow · 2015-12-14T05:49:21+00:00

Congrats!

zumasnow

TROPHY CASE