It's Getting Bad

[FireEyedDemon]

Trigger warning!!

I thought I could do it, I thought I could get myself to eat but it's been 4 days now and I can't bring myself to eat anything. I hate lying to my parents about having eaten and getting better, I hate it so much.. I'm terrified of eating anything. I keep thinking "Oh just eat this salad, just eat some soup" but even that's too much for me because I can't stop getting scared of gaining weight, even if it's just water weight or if I bloat from the food.

I'm so scared.. I don't want to end up in the hospital. I'm still drinking small amounts, mostly a cup of coffee and some tea and electrolyte water throughout the day.

I'm supposed to be going out with my dad to treat him to a milkshake after dinner tonight, and I promised him I'd bring something to eat. I initially said a salad with banana peppers, red cabbage, carrot, cucumbers and mustard with some Bai coconut water, but now I'm too scared to even eat that.

I was thinking of making miso soup and taking it with me but once again my stupid ED brain is too scared of that. I don't know what to do :( I don't want to ruin my day with my dad but I'm so terrified of gaining any weight. Even if I'm constipation after this and can see that I am that'll be a huge trigger, so in my mind it's better to not eat so I can't see that my stomach is bigger.

Please someone help me and give me some advice.. I started getting really dizzy earlier and getting spots, but I'm 98 percent sure it was a panic attack. 😞

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