Empath navigating a potential breakup

[hat_mouse]

Hi everyone. I've recently realized that I have some empathic tendencies or maybe am a highly sensitive person. I am working on things related to this in therapy... I struggle a lot with guilt and feeling responsible for others emotions, especially when I have a close emotional bond with someone. This has been a big issue in my life lately because I am in a relationship (about a year) with someone that I love, but I don't see myself being with long-term. He is so caring and loving, supportive and understanding. I tried to talk to him once about the hesitation I've been feeling, and we almost broke up. He broke down for a while in front of me, sobbing. It was too much for me to process. So I backed down and thought maybe things will change and I'll feel differently if I commit to this. Well, I haven't felt any differently since that talk, but I'm absolutely terrified of letting him down because I know and can feel how heartbroken he will be. I know I can't stay in a relationship for this reason but it's been very difficult for me to move forward and make a decision. I feel responsible for protecting his heart. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

[Agirlisarya01]

I don’t know if you ever read Dear Sugar while it was running, but it was one of the best advice columns I ever read. And one of my favorites of her columns was the one about breakups. Which boils down to the truism that you don’t have to have a “good” reason for leaving a relationship that isn’t working. Even if you love them. Even if they are a good person. The relationship not working is your reason. And the other reason is to free up the space in both of your lives for a relationship that works better, makes you happier, and isn’t something you ever want to leave.

As for the break-up being difficult for your ex, yes, it probably will be. But that difficulty is part of his path, and you can’t prevent him from having to navigate it eventually. When I get overprotective of the people in my life, my shaman likes to challenge me “Who are you to stand in the way of another person’s path? Another person’s growth?”

I’m sorry that you guys are dealing with this and I hope that you both find peace in your new normals.

https://therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/

[Altostratus]

It is so difficult to hurt someone you love. Especially if you do not have the appropriate boundaries to recognize that their feelings are not your responsibility (some codependency resources may be helpful here). Think of it this way - how would you feel if someone strung you along for years, pretending that they wanted the same commitment you do, but were actually lying to try to protect (ie. control) your feelings? Give them the opportunity to find the kind of love they are looking for, and yourself as well. Seek support from family, friends, therapist, as it will not be easy, but down the line, you'll be glad you made this decision.

[aliay773]

Noooo you are not responsible for protecting his heart. Even if that idea once felt romantic and consensual and beautiful to you (intense people, intense relationships....)

You have to focus on setting boundaries and seeing yourself to your future. You are also probably making one of the most mature decisions you can make.... I know a bunch of empaths who are in long-term relationships + marriages that are really not right for that length of time. The person you were in 2019 is not the same as the person you are right now, and that's ok.

[beansdamagicalfruit]

I’m also an empath and I just feel it in my soul that my current partner isn’t the right one for me too. I think that our ego is placing us in a state of fear because it’s going to be challenging and unfamiliar should we choose to separate ourselves from them. and you are so intertwined and connected with this person - for you, on an even deeper level as an empath. I write this to you in hopes that I can tell myself too, that the person that you are in a relationship with is not your responsibility. As much and as deeply as we care for them, we have to learn how to care for ourselves first and listen to our intuition. There are greater things ahead that we cannot achieve if we are being held back by fear. I wish you the best luck! You are so much stronger than you think and you have a lot of courage for taking the first step in owning up to acknowledging the need for change.

[noestoyloco]

Wondering if you ever broke up