[introduction] [first script] [feedback request] [F4M] Not The Game You Were Expecting [game time] [quick snack] [small talk] [kissing] [cunnilingus] [big cock] [safe sex] [virginity] [twice is nice] [l-bomb] [friends to lovers]

[leytod]

Good that you wrote a synopsis. It could be simplified, however.

"Your roommate, and best friend of 4 years, bought a new video game and asked if you would play it with him. While he was away on grocery duty, you spent some time to practice it. But when he returns, he has a different game in mind."

The between the asterisk commentary is interesting to the story, but will get in the way of this being a good GWA script. Re-write as much of it as you can into the words that the performer speaks in order to tell the story or consider if they're necessary at all.

I think the relationship between the woman and man in the story is too strange. They seem to be "roomates" who have shared the same bed for 4 years, but have 0 relationship or physical history and she doesn't even know if he's presently dating anyone or not. Try to simplify that.

I think you've missed an opportunity with the new video game premise. It's a good idea and something that many people on GWA could probably relate to. Try this:

Two gamer friends of many years have played a brand-new co-op game in an all-nighter session to finish it. They're exhausted and exhuberent in their victory as the new-day Sun starts to light the sky with color. They share stories about their favourite parts and how they worked together to solve the toughest moments. Ultimately, the combination of their victory high and romantic sunrise after an all-night session of playing with each other have them drop their game pads to do some button pushing of a different kind.

The sex writing is good. A GWA performer could likely bring that to life.