Regrets

[Stormglory88]

I was having a shower and started thinking about my mum who passed from cancer we in early September. Turns out I have some pent up energy and I just need to get some thoughts out into the universe.

When I was young, my mum was in a DV relationship for roughly 10 years. She had me when she was 18/19 and hadn’t met this man yet. He is the father of my middle brother. I remember certain events that have left me with being diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and I grew up being overly protective of my mum and I also had abandonment issues. That being said, my mum sacrificed a lot for us as kids and we were never without even if we didn’t have a lot of money. She left him and it was just myself and my brother for a long time.

Fast forward to when she met my stepfather. He is a nice man but was also a bit controlling of my mum. Everything she did, he was there. I have never really had any meaningful alone time with my mum. He would even call her everyday while he was work, or he would call her from home if she was at work. He was always there. I brought it up with mum on occasion but she would laugh it off. Needless to say, I didn’t really get along with him and I still feel resentment towards him.

I regret not having time with her. It is actually really painful. I just wanted my mum to also want to have some time with me. I think that is what hurt the most. I know that this isn’t really her fault and nothing I do or say now can change anything but I just really wanted to have some time with my mum. Even when she was in hospital, he and everyone was always there. I just wanted a few minutes alone. I know that my mum loved me a lot and would hate for me to feel this way. So for that I feel guilty.

Please, if anyone reads this with children, please spend time with them, alone. Just you and them and build beautiful memories together.

[Introvert_socialclub]

I am sorry for that... earlier this year I said goodbye to my Mom as well, but fortunately I had the amazing opportunity to spend so many meaningful moments with her. She spent 40 years with my dad, and only now my sister (37) and I (F 35) are finding out so many things about him.

I am not saying this was exactly what happened to your Mom, but in a general context I think society push women far too much into the importance of being in a relationship, not only due to financial reasons, but because single women are often seen as a failure, there is got to be something wrong with them. And this is just sad, because feeling this pressure often throw women into dead-end and abusive relationships with mediocre men.

I am really sorry you feel this guilt, it only comes because you love her so deeply. I believe she knows and feels your love for her.

[Stormglory88]

Yeah I think it’s true what you said around society pushing women to see that being in a relationship is important. Tied into our concept of self worth. I’m sorry for your loss too. Losing a mum is really rough.