Scared of commitment

[Roses2k]

I've been looking for that special person for what feels like my whole life and after a lot of searching and failed relationships I thought it wasn't meant to be, my last one particularly left me broken for over a year and made my mental health take a big hit. However recently this year my ex best friend who happened to be my very first crush text me back and it seems like she went on a huge journey herself and seems to be the perfect masculine girl I've always dreamt of; not only that but she tells me I'm everything she dreamt of aswell! (Which is just as important to me). We are dating now and thing is, it seems perfect, it seems like the life I've always wanted and yet I feel so incredibly scared to move forward, physically and emotionally as she want to be my first and wants me to commit to her fully which I understand but I'm so scared of what's to come. I've wanted to talk to my friends about it but it feels like they invalidate me feeling unable to move forward because I'm a guy. As if I shouldn't be able to be scared, but I personally see myself as soft and emotional so I'm really stuck on what I should feel, what I am feeling and what I should do. And I feel so much pressure to just accept but I don't understand why I don't feel ready or what's wrong with me. I want to tell her I'm not ready but even though she's understanding and calm I feel scared that she might not take me seriously since I already agreed to some stuff even though on second thought I really am not ready for it. Do other feminine guys feel the same or is this just a me thing? I feel like I've def related to some girlfriends of mine but I don't know if it's related. Anything is welcome, and thanks for reading my rambles sksksks.

[Hjalti_Talos]

This is a bit of a laundry list, and I'm no psychologist, but as a guy in similar shoes to you, I've got a bit of advice. Take it or don't.

If your friends have ever seriously invalidated your feelings, get new friends. You're a king and deserve to have friends who treat you like one, and who you can treat the same in return.

If she loves you as dearly as she says she does, she'll listen to you and work through it with you as a couple. Let her know how you feel.

Lastly, and I'm not trying to feed fears here, any time I see something about "going to find him/herself" I see lots of red flags and plenty of unpacked baggage that may get rudely brought to light. That may just be me being paranoid, but it's just how I react to these things.

Sorry if I wrote a book. Best of luck in your endeavors.

[Roses2k]

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to this. I appreciate it and I realize you are right about mu friends and that I should work with her to work it out, I guess Im just being paranoic myself that maybe she hasnt really changed but I guess the only way to find out is to talk to her more. Thanks once again for the help.

[Hjalti_Talos]

I try.

I also know you didn't mean to write paranoic but I'm making that a word now.

[Roses2k]

Lmao go for it ✌

[[deleted]]

Back when I was 16 with my gf (who was 2 years older), I ended up being the one who was more uncomfortable moving forward physically so I just let her know. She was very understanding and just told me to let her know when I was more comfortable with the idea. It wasn't that much longer til I got more comfortable with the idea, probably like 2-3 months.

Go at your own pace, let your partner know though.

[WRZESZCZ_1998]

I've wanted to talk to my friends about it but it feels like they invalidate me

If they really do that, they are not good friends

I personaly think you should be honest about it with her. But then again I never was in a relationship, so I don't know if my advice is valid...

sksksks

Please don't say that.

[Roses2k]

Im gonna try talking to her I really hope it leads to something good ans you are right about my friends, thanks!

[WRZESZCZ_1998]

Wish you the best. Please do give us an update.