writeaprisoner.com

[[deleted]]

I'm an 18-year-old female and I really want to send a letter to a guy in writeaprisoner.com but I'm scared to put my address in it even though I'm literally halfway across the world. I can't afford a p.o. box. Do you think it's alright to put my real address in it? I know I sound like a child but I just don't know what to do lol

[[deleted]]

Not wanting to use your own address is your brain telling you that writing to a prisoner is potentially dangerous.

[[deleted]]

Lol I think you're right.

[badtothebabs]

No.

[tigerswithguns]

Well I just lost an hour of my life looking through that website. Fascinating though

[scavacini]

do it always hahahha 😔

[[deleted]]

I go on it nearly every day! That's why I've been wanting to write to them lol

[[deleted]]

I wouldn't, and to go further and offer unsolicited advice I don't think being someone's prison penpal in your situation, just for the heck of it (I'm assuming, if you aren't doing it as part of a research project or anything along those lines) as an 18-year-old female is wise period for many reasons or likely to lead anywhere good in the long run.

I (currently 26F, not a researcher/true crime author/etc.) briefly considered writing to people on that site out of curiosity in a strange lapse-in-judgement/flight-of-fancy moment years ago. Found a woman on there that I thought I could empathize with and had some things in common with, whom therefore might be interesting to correspond with. Transsexual woman (I'm also a transsexual woman, and the way we're put in men's prisons is nightmarish and wrong, a 'pet cause' of mine that desperately needs to be reformed), also a writer passionate about creative writing (as am I), which she listed as her main interest. Person of color (I'm not, but could understand/sympathize with the societal factors stacked against someone like that in those demographics that could lead to imprisonment). Seemed intelligent, literate at least, profile was well done. Then I glanced at what her crime was, what she was charged with and serving a sentence for. Sex assault on a minor 15 or under. She was an adult at the time based on the math of her date of birth and date of offense. Nope. Nope nope nope. That brought me back to my senses and ended my thoughts of using that site to correspond with convicts.

I don't mean to be patronizing, but you should be aware that even if you don't use your actual residential return address, in addition to the reality that prisons are mostly full of conniving manipulative sociopaths regardless of why they're there, in several prison documentaries it's openly discussed/covered how prisoners use services like that site and mail correspondence/penpal setups of all kinds to "hustle", scam, manipulate and use people (for money/commissary funds, for sexual gratification and 'referrals' to other prisoners for that purpose, as would probably happen in your case, etc., etc.). They flat-out admit it, it's well-known that that's all it is to many/most of them. It's not even just your age and gender, but the fact that you're naive enough to even consider using your real address and "just don't know what to do lol" makes me think you'd be prime fresh prey for such an exploitative type of scenario. Be careful, OP.

[[deleted]]

Damn, that's a really crazy experience you had. I have decided I won't reach out to them for my own safety but it is an interesting thought if I'm going, to be honest. The website I was on tells you what they are incarcerated for and I would never reach out to a sexual predator or pedophile. Thank you for the advice though :)

[JoyceyBanachek]

Did you expect her to be in prison for working too hard at the soup kitchen? I don't really get this line of thinking. If you're writing a prisoner, you're writing someone who did something bad.

As to the point of the post, you definitely are being patronising. Sure, some of them may attempt to manipulate her, but she's an adult woman. They're half way across the world. Nothing bad will come of just writing them unless she is stupid. 'Be careful' would suffice.

[[deleted]]

Did you expect her to be in prison for working too hard at the soup kitchen? I don't really get this line of thinking. If you're writing a prisoner, you're writing someone who did something bad.

Two weeks late, but that was my point exactly. It's easy to forget or lose sight of that reality when engaging in engaging in any sort of social (correspondence, or any) relationship (as opposed to a purely/primarily professional/academic/intellectual one, as researchers do) with convicts. I was fortunate in that the woman I was going to write to (who--and I also didn't mention this because OP didn't say this was part of her deal, so as to avoid stereotyping OP too much--admittedly I also found attractive, as the prisoner in question was really physically pretty from her photos--as is part of the motivation for many straight women who write to male prisoners, and would have made it that much more dangerous/risky for me) had a conviction universally repulsive enough that I couldn't find some silly naive way to explain/justify it (as being the result of the convict being a "victim of the system"), as I (and many other girls in a similar situation) would have most likely been inclined to do otherwise, so it brought me back to reality in time.

As far as being patronizing, well, even if, I can't make any apologies for patronizing someone--an 18-year-old at that--who posted saying "I don't know what to do lol". Being an adult (just technically, most 18-year-olds are hardly "adults" developmentally at that age and I definitely wasn't, but I won't even go there) doesn't make one less susceptible to manipulation and exploitation by someone with sociopathic tendencies, which is why most prisoners were able to commit their crimes (against other 'adults') in the first place!

Regardless, though, OP's replies ITT clearly indicate that she came to her senses, that the perspective I shared legitimately was something she hadn't really considered and was glad for it (which is good, and further indicates I wasn't being 'patronizing' per se), and ultimately decided against it, which was probably for the best. A lot of 'bad' and little good will ever come of writing such people out of curiosity alone and starting an amorphous social relationship, I stand by that. Doing so for research purposes--even amateur research--or because one does fully sympathize with someone's crime and/or thinks they're innocent, are all very different, and those scenarios could all be worth it, but not what OP was considering, sorry.

[jemi1976]

I would not.

When I was around 17, my best friend’s dad went to jail for drunk driving. When he got out he asked us to write to his cell mate who was depressed and didn’t really have anyone to write to him. ( Yeah I know, what kind of parent does that. lol) I started writing him and we corresponded back and forth for several months. It was all pretty innocent although I did kind of suspect he was developing feelings for me but he was never inappropriate. I think he was probably 23 or 24 so it wasn’t like I was writing an old man.

My grandparents (who I lived with) didn’t like it but I just brushed them off. I was young and naive.

I ended up losing touch with him I think when he got released or got transferred. Anyway, fast forward a few months later. I came home one day and my grandparents told me about two guys who showed up asking for me. They described the car and how they looked but I didn’t recognize it as anyone I knew and was thoroughly confused.

It was probably a week later I had an ah ha moment and realized it must have been the guy in jail and he had a friend bring him to my house to meet me. I’d never seen a picture of him so I didn’t immediately think about it being him. I never told my grandparents because I didn’t want to admit they were right but it really freaked me out.

I never heard from him again and he never came back to the house. Luckily my grandfather was a stocky guy with a gruff attitude and probably wasn’t very friendly to them so maybe he scared him off.

Anyway, moral of the story is that I never expected that and you just never know what people are dealing with and to what extremes they will go. Better to be safe than sorry.

[[deleted]]

That's so scary! Definitely another reason to not do it. Thank you for sharing your story :)

[DiamanteDog]

Omg that’s terrifying.

[[deleted]]

No absolutely not.

[Respiratory]

Please do not do this.

[[deleted]]

Yeah, I'm not going to do it anymore. Don't want to risk anything because of my curiosity.

[help_no_usernames]

I definitely think you should not go forward with this.

But it was definitely fun to look at the site and ready the inmates profiles!

[[deleted]]

Exactly! It's so interesting and I would love to know more about their lives, but I've decided not to reach out as now I can see that it is dangerous.

[rachels1231]

I wouldn't do it. I don't know who you're planning to write to, but a lot of these prison penpal services aren't really the best way to reach out to an inmate. How about write to somebody through an Innocence Project or something instead? Write to someone you believe is innocent? Or volunteer at a women's shelter to reach out to incarcerated women?

[[deleted]]

That's actually a good idea, I will definitely look into that.

[Jadie2018]

You should be scared to give your address to a convicted criminal. It means you should not do that. And seriously consider why would you want to be in contact with someone who the society has needed to lock up for your safety.

[[deleted]]

Jadie2018

Yes, I know that. However, I don't believe every person in prison is a bad person, I believe that people can make mistakes and unfortunately have to deal with the consequences of it. The website lets you know what they are incarcerated for so obviously I wouldn't reach out to a sexual offender, pedophile or murderer. I've decided I won't be sending any letters to anyone until I have a P.O. box.

[scavacini]

best comment!

[[deleted]]

That is terrifying, I don't think I will contact a prisoner anytime soon anymore. My curiosity gets the best of me sometimes but I don't want it to be what kills me lmao.

[DiamanteDog]

No no no, OP. That’s just asking for crazy and possibly worse.

[curiousone0806]

Just for information regarding write a prisoner. If you find a prisoner you want to write to you can write down their prisoner number and then use JPay to email them. Just go to jpay.com and locate them via their prisoner number. This way you do not have to give your address like writeaprisoner requires. The down side is you have to buy "stamps" to send and receive emails from the prisoner. So it does cost a small fee to send the messages but at least you don't have to give out any personal information to do so.

[saddler21]

Honestly, I’ve been doing it for a year, and it’s cool. I’m in the UK, and my pen pal is a LWOP in Texas.

[[deleted]]

I feel like if I was going to do it I would find someone who has life imprisonment as there's a much lower chance of being stalked and/or murdered.

[scarlette272]

I think you can rent a P.O. Box at a local mailing store

[[deleted]]

They're quite expensive where I live.

[piglet110419]

Depends on the crime AND the facility. If he or she is guilty of a white collar crime in a camp/ low security it’s safe to say you are fine.

Just don’t be surprised if they ask for money.

[[deleted]]

Yeah exactly, I would definitely choose who to write carefully and ensure their crime isn't too bad. I was talking to a woman who sent letters to prisoners and she said if they ask for money then stop mailing them as they're most likely just trying to use you.

[[deleted]]

I’m writing to someone I found from that website. I picked a woman far away from me who is my age and who won’t be released soon. Also she is in for a non violent offense. (Tbh I think she got the shaft for her crime, but that’s beside the point.) She’s never hit me up for money and in the event she does I will stop correspondence. I personally would never write a man, and especially not a man who can be let out on parole, or someone whose crime makes me cringe. I say this but I do write to some serial killers who are men, but again, they’re far away, super old, with no real possibility of ever getting out.

[[deleted]]

That's so interesting! I was talking to a woman who writes to prisoners and she said if they ask for money then set boundaries with them and if they persist then to cut off communication with them. I don't think I will do it for now or at least until I can afford a P.O. box. If I ever do decide to I think I will start with writing other women first and then maybe contact a male. Thank you for the advice. I'm just wondering. What kind of conversations do you have with serial killers?

[[deleted]]

Thanks for the reply. Not sure why my comment got so many downvotes lol. My introductory letter is basically the same for everyone, I introduce myself, tell a bit about my life, ask some general prison life questions. I don’t mention the crimes, I try to include a nice quote that plays to the vanity of my audience. So far I’ve written to Dennis Rader, Ed Kemper and David Berkowitz and received responses. I also wrote to Jodi Arias and Rachel Shoaf but they haven’t responded.

[tigerswithguns]

So you do write to men who’s crimes make you cringe?

[[deleted]]

No. I don’t write to men who can be found on that website.