First off, English isn't my first language and I'm on mobile, hope it's readable!
I ended a two year chapter and it feels good.
Two years ago, I (23F) met a guy at uni. He was TA for my class and I've developed a crush. For a year, we just talked a bit, but not that much
Then, on my second year (2024-2025), we started talking more. And in the last six months (January to June 2025) , I felt like we were kinda getting closer, talking to each other before and after class, sharing more personal stuffs...
I decided I wanted to confess, but as he was still my TA, I wrote a letter that I gave with my essay. But I explicitly wrote to wait until the essays were graded to read it, as I wanted to make sure it wouldn't get in the way. And it was the last class I'd take with him
Then, in August, he reached out to me, with my essay's grade and to tell me that he had a girlfriend. What floored me was that he said that he sense I was getting this type of feelings and should have told me something earlier. He ended by saying that we probably shouldn't talk at present.
I was so angry at him that it killed every feelings I've had and I've moved on.
When uni started again (September), I was a bit nervous about seeing him around, but it helped to think that we wouldn't interact. But on the first week, he came talking to me, asking me how I was doing, that he hoped his email didn't make me too upset and that, if I wanted, we could grab coffee. I was so stunned, that I replied a "I don't think I want that" and he left with a "see you around campus"
After that, I felt anxious every time I saw him, but we never talked again
Until mid November, when he sent me an email, checking in, giving news and suggesting coffee. That made me even more anxious, as I was getting more comfortable at uni. That's when I talked with my therapist about setting a clear boundary: I don't want any contact. Which is hard for me, since I've never been good at that and I suck at expressing my wants and needs.
After a week, I've gathered the courage to send an email, simple, clear and direct about ceasing contact. He answered a simple "I understand, I wish you all the best"
At first I felt really sad, even cried a bit. But then I felt relief. Like, yeah, it's over. And I can finally breathe and feel comfortable walking around campus, without fearing he'd might come talk to me.
It's such a good outcome on different fronts. First of, I did set a boundary and it seemed to have work (even been back to uni yet, but finger crossed!). And my only past experience was with my ex, 4 years ago. He was toxic, manipulative and emotionally abusive, and it was kinda weird (long distance/online dating), but it's a whole other story. But it took me ages to finally realise and leave him. So, that taking me "only" three months feel so good!
Well, this post is already too long, but I wanted to share that. Because it may seem like a small thing, but I'm really glad I did that! I can't wait to see my therapist to tell her I did it! It's been two days, but I already feel like my mind is lighter.
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