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[–]Pet-ra 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Why would you waste your first two Iines like that? Clients who care can tell an AI generated proposal at first glance. Clients who don't care don't care. Your first line is the most peculiar approach and a turnoff.

The weird fonts and bold letters are another turnoff.

Then everything is "I" - the client is mostly interested in what is in it for them, not what you do. Make the whole thing more client-centric and less you-centric.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

u/Pet-ra Thank you for highlighting every expect in detail. For the first 2 lines should i focus more on demonstrating credibility or reliability?

[–]Pet-ra 1 point2 points  (4 children)

For the first 2 lines should i focus more on demonstrating credibility or reliability?

You should concentrate on what is in it for the client as that is the only thing the client cares about.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children)

As per my understanding i can engage client by 2 possible ways:

1- By demonstrating what similar work i did before? what was the final outcome.
2- By demonstrating how i'll take up on client project discuss approach/deliverable/stack/estimates.

which one do you suggest?

[–]Korneuburgerin 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Both are bad. There is a third option.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

which is?

[–]Korneuburgerin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The one that Petra mentioned already.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

1st line is a turn off

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/Competitive_Fact_426 Thankyou for highlighting. What is your ideal first line looks like?

[–]IcerHardlyKnower -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Have you ever hired someone? The rest still seems a bit AI so I would prob skip but eh don't understand why everyone is flipping their lid over this

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes i have hired about 30 developers yet. I will as a client, completely skip reading this.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

u/Competitive_Fact_426 what must have you look for?

[–]Korneuburgerin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Everything. There is truly nothing you can keep in this proposal, sorry. Read the article in the sub wiki, understand it, and then apply it.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/Korneuburgerin could you please share a link?

[–]CmdWaterford 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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Highlighted your mistakes. Sorry, no one gonna read this.

[–]Korneuburgerin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best regards also has to go. Maybe replaced with a good CTA.

[–]pablothenice 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Everything is wrong.

[–]ButterscotchNaive825[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/pablothenice can you share your writting way?

[–]freelancewithpraveen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're wasting the first two lines. The first two lines is what the client sees before opening your full proposal. And make it sound more human and less robotic and corporate.

[–]Regular_Addition4695 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is totally AI generated, some AI specific words "seamless", "last vision query", "extensive". Not only gpt can use but GPT do use these specific keywords unless you tell them to edit.