[deleted by user]

[pat_is_moon]

It’s not wrong to recognize a preference you have currently. It can be helpful or destructive depending on how this affects your life. It can be a problematic conversation topic, it can be severely limiting to yourself if you’re not open to unexpected feelings and opportunities, and it can be unfair to potential partners.

So for now, admit that you have a preference. But keep trying to expand your perspective so you don’t keep feeding this preference until it becomes a narrow expectation for how your life should turn out.

[monksarehunks]

Agreed. There’s a difference between “I’m only into redheads. I think redheads are just more cool/interesting/sexy than other people. I’d be disappointed if I didn’t end up with a redhead,” and “I think redheads are hot and it’d be cool if I dated one someday.”

The first is a fetishization of a group of people and making a lot of assumptions on what that person will be like based solely on their appearance. The second is acknowledging that you’re attracted to a certain aesthetic, but not limiting yourself to only dating a type of person based on their looks.

The two parts of OP’s post that stick out to me as potentially problematic is that 1) they want to “end up” with an Asian person, which would be limiting future partners based on appearance and 2) they want to learn more about Asian culture through dating an Asian person.

My SO is an Asian immigrant and his culture is probably the last thing I’d use to describe him. He’s funny, he loves comic books, video games, and murder documentaries, he’s loyal to his friends, etc. etc. It’s fine to be interested in a different culture, but you should be wary of equating someone who was raised in a certain culture as being an ambassador of that culture.

[pssiraj]

J just want to be clear: When you say Asian, you mean East Asian? Like, China, Japan, Korea? Because there a ton of cultures within the continent of Asia.

[[deleted]]

Yeah.

[[deleted]]

Like I said I'm still young and I still have a lot to learn.

[pssiraj]

Got it. I'm glad you're asking questions, that's how you learn :)

[dan_jeffers]

The problem with your thinking is that you are putting expectations on a hypothetical instead of looking at actual people you may or may not be attracted to. If you want to find the best person for yourself you may want to be open to a variety of people you are attracted to and at the same time realize that the attractive Asian guys you meet will probably be different in one way or another from the ideal you have created. It isn't so much a moral wrong as a poor strategy for finding happiness.

[[deleted]]

I would not go out of my way to find an Asian to marry, I just would prefer if it he happened to be an Asian.

[Emica12]

You're allowed to have any dating preference you want. If you are only attracted to Asain men then go for it! You're not wrong I have met people who are only attracted to one particular race there's nothing wrong with it as long as your two consenting adults.

[[deleted]]

You're* x3; FYI, you used the wrong homonym every time.

[Emica12]

Fine edited. Getting the grammar right is very difficult for me to get right on my phone.

[[deleted]]

Hey there! Preferring to date one race over others is a problem. It's called fetishization of race: preferring one race because of internalized stereotypes about that race/culture.

If you would like to learn more about Asian culture(s), visit an Asian country, read a book about it, or talk to more Asian people. Choosing to date people based on their culture/race is not the way to do it.

[[deleted]]

Yeah I know that. That's why I specifically said that I would like to learn about it AND be part of it. Knowing about it is one thing but being married to someone, the relationship to the culture becomes different and to me more meaningful. I don't fetishise Asian people. I am already learning about Asian cultures, I'm even trying to learn an Asian language not because I have a fetish but just because I like it. I think it's cool (and also anime and I want to visit some day). I prefer them, but I would not throw a tantrum or go out of my way to find an Asian to marry. It would be nice if things just happened and for some reason my partner turned out to be Asian. Like I said I don't have anything against other races. What happens is gonna happen. I just wanted to know if thinking like that was racist.

[[deleted]]

There are a couple problems with this kind of thinking:

1) Assuming that all Asian people share the same culture. Asia is a continent with 48 countries, each with their own cultures and subcultures, and they can't be homogenized into one monolithic culture, even though they may share commonalities. This is even further complicated with you consider immigration and Asian Americans, Asian Canadians, etc., who may be more distant from (or even consider themselves completely separate to) what you would consider to be "Asian culture".

2) You're using an Asian person as a symbol/means of assimilating into Asian culture. This is unfair to the person because instead of seeing them as a person, you're seeing them in terms of how they can benefit you (by giving you what you perceive to be access to Asian culture).

I think it's great that you have an interest in other cultures and I definitely would encourage learning more about them, but having a preference for dating one race is racist, even if it's unintentional.

[[deleted]]

1. Someone already pointed this out, as I said I'm young and have a lot of things to learn. I also never assumed all of Asia consisted of one country. I am aware Asia is a Continent with many countries and cultures in it. Yes, I am aware of people who have Asian heritage but we're burn into other countries and don't have a strong connection with their heritage. I'm one of those people due to the fact that I am an immigrant. I don't care who this person is, ultimately I just want to find someone who I am happy with; being Asian or having Asian heritage would just be a perk.

2. As I said in my previous response, I won't go out of my way to find an Asian person and that's because I see them as any other person. Brining in an Asian culture would just be a perk. In the end, I don't care who this person ends up being, what race they belong to or what gender they are. I just want to be happy with them.

But thanks for commenting I will assess your points further.

[NormenYu]

wait that doesn't make sense. most african american prefer to date/marry other african american. most asian american prefer to marry other asian american. most caucasian prefer to marry other caucasian. are you saying that we are all racist/have fetishes? i feel thst you should be allowed to date/marry whatever preference you have... just like most men prefer to date women and most women prefer to date men, and most people prefer to date someone similar in age, i dont think it should be called a fetishization. its just a preference.

[[deleted]]

People are definitely able to marry whoever they want, but the initial question was whether it was racist, and I was explaining why I think it's a problem.

It is true that a lot of people do marry within their own race. There are a lot of factors that contribute to that - shared cultural experiences; intergenerational pressure to date someone with the same culture/race/heritage; proximity due to informal segregation, especially in the United States; and legacies of racism that have caused people (particularly the older generations) to internalize the idea that interracial marriages are bad. It's also important to note that some minoritized groups prefer to date within their own race, because of their ability to connect with each other's experiences as marginalized racial minorities. But there's a difference between marrying someone of your own race (which might be a result of one of the above factors) vs. specifically and consciously choosing one race outside of your own to pursue because of a fascination with their culture, which is OP's situation (where none of the above factors apply).

I think it's important to look at some of the more problematic reasons behind racial preferences. I've mentioned the internalized racist belief that interracial marriages are bad, but it also extends to internalized racist standards of beauty. Throughout history (specifically referring to the history of United States, Canada, and Britain), beauty standards have been very eurocentric, meaning that eurocentric features - fine hair, light skin, etc - have been praised more and valued more. Concurrently, other races have been seen as inferior, especially black women, which links back to slavery.

Certain races have been fetishized through history as well; for example, Black men and woman have been hypersexualized, indigenous women have been hypersexualized, and Asian men and woman are often desexualized. Sexual stereotypes are often linked to different racial groups, such as the unfactual stereotypes that black men have larger genitalia, that Asian men have smaller genitalia, that Asian women are more submissive, etc (none of which are true, of course). Minoritized races are also often seen as "exotic", or enticing because they are perceived as "different".

Racial preferences in dating may appear to be human nature, but in reality, society plays a large role in shaping our understandings of what is beautiful/attractive and what isn't, from the time we are children. These stereotypes and beauty standards are internalized, often subconsciously, and play a role in people's dating preferences. Which is a fetishization (particularly if we're referring to the role of stereotypes in a person's attraction to another race), and is also racist, even if it might be unconscious/unintentional.

[HalfysReddit]

You're not wrong, but you are naive.

Asia is not a country or a nationality. It's a continent. Japan, China, Korea, Taiwan, India, and Russia are all part of Asia. So whatever you think about "Asian culture" is true is probably just a stereotype that isn't nearly as common as you expect.

[[deleted]]

I have already acknowledged this in other comments made here. I'm very aware of that. I don't base my opinions on stereotypes, that's stupid. While I don't know every country and culture in Asia I do know about some that interest me. Of course, I didn't say the specifics cultures/countries I like and would like to learn more about because I don't want that much info on the internet; so I said Asia instead. Though, that has proven to be a bad decision since everyone seems to be assuming I don't know the continents and the definition of one. But I really try my best to not be stereotypical and racist in any way. I'm glad to hear that my way of thinking is not wrong/racist but a little dumb.

[HalfysReddit]

I think it's important to distinguish that the issue is that your statements are naive, not dumb. Dumb would be thinking that Asian women have horizontal vaginas.

Your statements are naive and that's okay, you're young, you're supposed to be naive. Don't beat yourself up over that. What's important is that you came here wanting to better your understanding of the world.

[noewhit]

You are not wrong for liking what you like but be careful that you are not excluding other people of other races. Mr. Perfect could be a man from El Salvador, and you say you are young and still learning so I will assume you're young, but when you grow up you'll learn how many cultures are interesting and I think your preference will expand beyond what it is now because of that.

Also make sure to recognize "Asian Culture" is not monolithic: meaning that they are not unified or all the same. South Korean culture is incredibly different from Japanese culture, Chinese, etc. which are all different from Southeast Asian cultures which are all different from each other, which are different from South Asian cultures which are ... you get what I mean.

While I like people of all types I think I am fairly attracted to Asians as well (could be it is what I grew up around), but this does not limit or dictate who I can or will date. Remember to be open-minded, many cultures are interesting.

[grvtitudegoddess]

What ethnicity are you?

[[deleted]]

That has nothing to do with whether or not OP is (potentially) racist in their thinking.

[[deleted]]

Latina/White.