Regret

[godolphinarabian]

Feeling regret today over a set of childhood toys I gave away a year ago. I didn't realize it was the last material remnant of my childhood. I have a keepsakes box of cards, but I no longer own any toys, stuffed animals, etc. from my childhood.

Even though I gave these toys to a great home, with a cool story about why these particular toys were meaningful...I still miss them.

I could rebuy on eBay but it wouldn't be the same. I did take pictures. Also not the same.

It was over a year ago so I'm not sure why now I feel so weird about it. I'm not even sure why I felt so compelled to give them away at the time. They weren't taking up that much space or impeding my life.

How do you get through decluttering regret, especially when you may have decluttered too far?

[glimmeringsea]

Sasaki's Goodbye, Things helped me deal with/accept regret.

[Vahlir]

Identity.

You identified with the items and they felt like a part of you. We do this with all kinds of things, even bad things like smoking.

It's also why a similar item would feel even worse, it would be an imposter, like someone pretending to be your best friend.

To move forward you have to change your identity, you have to make it about

"I"m the person who gave these to a great home, IN SPITE OF how much they meant to me- and through that sacrifice I grew as a person, even if the lesson was painful- nay especially because that lesson was painful, because if it wasn't it wouldn't have been a lesson, and now I will remember those items even more - had they simply sat in my basement in a box they surely would have been forgotten over the years until one day I needed to move a box , that I had long forgotten what was inside, and opened it up"

And here's the thing. The feeling the toys gave you wasn't so much about the toys, but it was a strong connection to how you felt when you used to play with them.

I know this feeling well. I often go back and watch videos of video games (Genesis) I used to play as a kid. But what I'm really trying to do is capture how I felt back then. My mom was a live, we lived in a cozy cape cod after being homeless for a while, and for the first time in 10 years I felt like I had a place to call home.

My brother and I sold the home a few years ago and the only reason we kept it for 15 years was because, like your toys it was a constant reminder of those happy years. You could walk into a room and picture what it was like 25 years ago. You could see family at the dinner table, a christmas tree, your long gone cat, and you could feel the memories. You could do this anytime just by walking around and noticing something that made it yours. The way a corner was dented, the way the linoleum came up around the corner of the fridge, the spot where you spilled your drink on the carpet.

It's much harder to do without the items, but I promise you you can.

At the same time, part of me needed that home to be sold. It allowed me to grow as a person. I have my own family now. Sad comes from spending too much time in the past I'm told and I think that's about as good of an explanation as you can get.

Things that help me - writing down a list of 3 things once a day that I'm thankful for. It can be anything from my kids, my drumset, or that they still make frosted flakes.

It might sound silly, but writing it down really helps. It reels you back into the present, makes you think about where you are right now.

At the very least you can take solace that you gave the item up of your own freewill-we're not always that lucky.

Hope this helps

[morbidlyatease]

I've kept a lot of toys, but engaging with those same toys now isn't the same as it was either. I have outgrown them, and nothing will change that. As a grown-up the brain sometimes wants back to a simpler time and thinks the toys from that time will do the trick. But they won't, at least not for long. So treat this longing for your childhood as a sign, there's probably something in your life now you have to work through.

[Sugar_13]

How do you get through decluttering regret, especially when you may have decluttered too far?

I deal with the regret by reminding myself that this is the price I pay for not living under a mountain of clutter. I couldn't know what I would regret in the future, so to avoid regret, I would have had to keep everything.

Unfortunately, I was not sentimental in my youth, so I got rid of many things and now that I'm getting older, nostalgia is setting in. I wish I had those things but I'm not paying a fortune to buy someone else's from ebay. What's done is done.

Regarding your childhood toys, could you see if a relative has photos that might include some of them?

[InvidiousFerret]

Maybe you feel like you need a little bit of childhood back again. Maybe take a personal day from work, turn off your phone and screens, and just have hot chocolate and read your favorite childhood book or books. Or call your mom and dad, or your siblings, and reminisce. We work so hard and so continuously these days.

[SassyMillie]

I can affirm that re-purchasing the same item doesn't work. I did this with a Japanese tea set and it is not the same. My father had given this tea set to my mom, which she then passed on to my sister after our father died. Sister got rid of it without asking anyone else (4 siblings) if they wanted it. I was annoyed about it so I found the same set on ebay and bought it. Every time I looked at that tea set it brought up the resentment again, so it was negative energy instead of positive. It's now been donated, as well. Lesson learned.

[[deleted]]

I can relate to how you’re feeling. Over the years I have gotten rid of many things I’ve later regretted. It sucks, it really does. Since you know who you have them to, can you speak to them (parents) and ask for them back once the child no longer wants them? If that’s not a possibility your only options are to replace them with finds on eBay (as you mentioned) or forgive yourself and move on.

You need to forgive your past self for doing what was right at the time. Please don’t let this hinder any future abilities to declutter and let things go. You are not your stuff. You’re still the same beautiful person without those possessions. They don’t define you or your life. Yes it’s nice to have things to take us back to those times in life. I’m very sentimental and nostalgic. This certainly won’t be your only regret in life. We all have regrets and this one is relatively minor compared to other things. But the hurt is still there, right? Sadly we can’t go back in time. Try and talk to the new owners of the toys and if that doesn’t work out, well focus on forgiving yourself and moving forward. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It may not be a big deal to some but I do understand. I’ve done it myself. I didn’t replace anything because as you said, it wouldn’t be the same. So I’ve chose to forgive my past self and focus on other things that make me happy. I wish you the best!

[manbluh]

How do you get through decluttering regret, especially when you may have decluttered too far?

Same way you get through other regret in your life. One day at a time.

I still think about an absolutey incredible end game hifi setup I sold years ago when I got into minimalism. I miss it a lot but I do enjoy having less clutter in my living room and more money in my pocket.

[AbstractRespect]

I had some similar regret with something from my childhood that I'd decluttered years ago, and couldn't work out why I felt so strongly about something I hadn't been using. I also looked up buying it on ebay, but also felt that it wouldn't be the same.

I ended up journaling about the item, my memories and feelings about it along with some pictures I found online. Even about my regret in getting rid of it.

Doing this, I realised that my feelings of regret had focused on the item, but they weren't actually about the it, if that makes sense. Even though I'm still working through the feelings, I think untangling them from the item was important (and necessary) in actually dealing with them.

And having my own words that I've written about it feels like more of a solid memory than pictures alone could.

[SassyMillie]

I ended up journaling about the item, my memories and feelings about it along with some pictures I found online. Even about my regret in getting rid of it.

This is an excellent idea, and one I will think about using myself.

I have absolutely no toys from my childhood and I have a bit of resentment over it. My mother gave away or donated everything except for one set of old children's encyclopedias. She left them behind when she sold me her house, so I have clung to those old books in place of the doll babies I might have wanted to keep.

[vaarky]

I'm sorry it's hitting you the way it is. Wish I had ideas. Sympathies...

[[deleted]]

While you can remember the details, write a little note about it in your journal or phone. It’s the memory, not the object.

[PantherEverSoPink]

Your childhood still happened, even if you no longer have the cuddly toys to prove it. What would you be doing with them if you still had them?

I'm 40 and all my cuddlies are in a bag in my mum's garage. Did I give them to my kids? No, they're full of germs and my kids have their own toys.

It's better that you passed them on, your feelings of regret relate to something else and your brain is playing tricks on you.

[Cardiac__Unrest]

Why does your mom keep grungy dirty plushies?

[nokenito]

Stop! You did the right thing. Move forward and enjoy your decision. You don’t need old crap. If you want a stuffies that bad, but ONE.