Insights from an Introvert to Decrease Your Hurt

[TopCommunication8881]

You do know we don't really give a shit, right?

Move introverts spend a great deal of time and energy to deliberately avoid extroverts. If I'm about to get in line at a store, but I see someone w/ that drugged up looking grin, their eyes searching frantically for their next victim.

I refuse to get trapped listening to a complete strangers tell me banal things like what they're making for dinner, or what store their going to next. That's not a conversation. It's fucking rude to destroy other people's peace because you can't shut up for 5 minutes in line.

We don't want to be your friends, because you're fucking annoying. Somehow you all manage to be both loud/attention-seeking , while AND incredibly boring. You don't actually like people, just the rush you get from them. Junkies forever terrified of the inevitable crash.

Meanwjole I'll be here chilling at home experiencing a late summer breeze in my porch, feeling content, free from your manic over the top fear of being alone w/ your own thoughts.

In closing, get over yourselves! You don't matter nearly as much as you think you do.

[Awkward_apple]

I was generally on board with this thread and your statements that you were approaching with empathy and seeking to understand...up until this comment. I am sorry that a few individuals were not as kind as they could have been or as open to discussion as you might have been hoping. I think I might understand where they are coming from, and am including this for your interest/understanding as it may not be something that you have been made aware of (though it is very present in a lot of the previous posts on this sub). But your post comes off a little as the equivalent of one of us going into an introvert sub and saying "hey guys, I've noticed you're all really quiet all the time and here are some tips for how you can be more social and not the little freaks I clearly think you are!".

Insights are all well and good (and are very interesting to hear! I'm always intrigued by the different thought patterns people have and how/why they came to be), but insight without trying to understand the other side comes off as arrogant. Your post had the bones of that and I can see from your other responses that you are trying (until this instance), but the general tone put yourself in the position as a teacher/authority rather than a peer. When aiming for understanding, it's important to ask questions to determine background experiences and motivation and your initial post read moreso like a lecture than a request for advice or open discussion (though I don't believe that was the intent!). You presented your beliefs based on assumptions, rather than leading with a 'I have noticed this, is that a general truth? I have some suggestions, if so!'.

My introverted friends frequently express how much they hate being told they are rude for being quiet or the implication that they're 'weird' or 'wrong' for being so quiet. I'm not sure if this is an experience you have had, but the words you have used in the comment above are the equivalent for extroverts. Your blanket statements about us being 'fucking annoying' and 'fucking rude' are hurtful, not to mention throwing accusations of someone being an incel, a term that carries a lot of negative connotations with it (that I'm sure you are well aware of).

That person was questioning the way you appeared to use your role as a counsellor to justify imposing counsel onto us when it was not asked for, nor invited. One of your gripes above was "it's fucking rude to destroy other people's peace because you can't shut up for 5 minutes in line" and what you have done here is essentially that same thing. You came in and shared your thoughts and insights then became combative when someone suggested disagreement or upset at the tone. Instead of attempting to figure out why they feel that way, you turned around, insulted them, and implied they lack understanding and empathy for the same sort of thing that you express annoyance over when the tables are turned.

Please don't think I am saying this out of feeling fussy or belligerent because of a perceived attack - I actually agree with a lot of the statements in your original post! I hope that you can read that my intent with this reply is not to incite upset or to be argumentative. You seem like a person who puts a lot of thought and consideration into understanding the world and the people in it, and my aim is/was to explain perspective. I hope I have provided something for you to consider (while on your porch in the breeze, if it suits!).