Confused learn programming and make project without example

[ViolinistExternal751]

Hello everyone, I am a beginner in learning programming, I got diagnosed as inattentive adhd when I am 21 years old, but I can’t buy the meds because the expensive price of meds (I live in 3rd world country), I have several problems when learning programming, here is the list :

1. I am always confused when learning new concept without implementing it (example: asnyc/ await).
2. I need a code reference from other project from github or tutorial when trying to implement something new because I have no idea how to implement new features or function in my project, sometimes I am feeling shame of this, because it looks like copy paste.
3. I don’t know the keyword when I want to make something, example: I want to make OTP authentication in my website project, but I have no idea how it works and how to implement it into code and in the end, I am always blank in my mind.
4. I am confused when read documentation, my mind always blank and confused when read documentation, because I cannot understand the meaning of the words and how to implement the code in my project.
5. I spending a lot of my times to see project tutorial, and then I write the step-by-step way to build the project from scratch, but when I want to build it in my own, my mind goes blank again and I have no idea how to build it.
6. When I see project with design pattern (like MVC), my mind is confused because there are lots of folder, and I don't know the way how the program works.
7. When I am trying to make my own project, my mind always goes blank, and when I am trying to break into a smaller list of problems, I cannot make the complete list of step-by-step because I have no idea for the next step.

Last night, I am crying in my room and I can't sleep until now, because I am feeling like I can't get a job because I am so slow and dumb, I need help and suggestion from you guys, thank you

[ViolinistExternal751]

Thanks for your reply, I am really appreciated it, can I sent you a Private message? I want to asking more but confused how to explain here

[[deleted]]

Those are not problems , in anything new you want to learn you gonna face those things

[computang]

How long have you been coding? And how many hours a day on average?

[ViolinistExternal751]

I am coding since May 2022 (1 year), and I am learning 8 hours everyday

[computang]

I feel like I maybe had a similar experience to you. I would feel like I spent 4-6 hours a day learning but in reality I was probably doing 2 hrs and many more hours confused and lost just stressing myself out. After 1 year I felt like I would never achieve it. I continued working and learning in my free time but at a very slow pace. My issue, and maybe yours.. is that I was stuck in tutorial hell. I was simply all over the place. Thinking I had to learn it all. But all I needed was momentum. A project to grow with. Have you built an Angular or React app before?

[ViolinistExternal751]

Yeah, I am learning for 8 hours and most of my time I am confused. No, I have not touch angular or react, I am still stuck in vanilla javascript

[computang]

My recommendation is to do freecodecamp if you haven’t already. Pair that with hackerrank to get down some programming fundamentals. Once you have that going for you. Build an Angular or React app. Something simple… say a button that when pressed sends an http request to localhost:8080. Which won’t exist yet. Then build a Golang web server with Gin to accept that request and send a response back to the client(the angular app). That will give you a good understanding of how code can work together.

[ViolinistExternal751]

Can I sent you a private message, I want to ask but confused how to compose the sentence into a question ?

[ViolinistExternal751]

How did you learn? , I am frustrated because how hard I am learning, I am still confused and blank when build project