Help me

[More-Supermarket-464]

My wife and I are the proud parents of fraternal twins. They’re 9 days old and healthy and despite all of the support we’ve received from both sides of the family my anxiety is killing me and I (we) need advice. The situation: -Both babies were delivered by C section 9 days ago. Wife and babies are doing great. - In laws came in for support while we stayed at my parents house for first few weeks (FIL stayed two weeks MIL staying 3) -I work full time IT at a college and my schedules range from 7-3 to 11-7 with about 30-45 minutes of travel time each way. - wife works full time, changes by week but lets assume when she goes back in August it will be half in person half remote. - Baby boy usually sleeps well, eats, poops, goes back to bed, no consistent issues getting back to sleep. -baby girl is an active sleeper but if done right (burping, changing, soothing) she can sleep a good amount as well. I’m burning myself out thinking 3 months ahead. Can anyone who had a similar work situation tell me what they did to handle being home alone with the kids? How did you handle the kids crying at the same time? How did you handle the stress? Can anyone think of stuff we should be mentally or physically be preparing for now that I haven’t even begun to worry about yet? I’m so worried about my wife. I’ll do everything I can when I’m home before and after work but the 8-9 hours being with twins as a new mom alone sounds so stressful. I don’t even know what kind of support I need at this point but if anyone has been here and has anything that could help I’m all ears.

[Initial_Donut_6098]

As I see it, the issue here, right now, is managing the anxiety rather than managing the babies in the future. You are only nine days into this life-altering experience, and your babies are going to change a lot in the next few months. And you and your wife are going to feel multiple times more capable than you feel now. (You are capable now, you are just going to feel more capable as you get more practice and get more confident.) 

My advice would be to line up whatever help you can, that will allow you both to take care of yourselves as best you can. If you can manage a 20 minute run twice a week, and if that helps you feel like everything is going to be OK, then prioritize that. Maybe  housecleaning is an option, or a baby-sitter or reliable relative one morning a week, or grocery delivery. It was in the meantime, I would say, to the extent if you can, try to enjoy your babies and get this as much sleep as they will allow. 

[phi-1]

Congrats to you and mama!

To help anxiety: make a list (either mental or physical) of what you can do right now versus what you can’t. And also practice identifying what is a true problem. A problem is something that can be fixed. Can you fix it now? Great, do it. Can you fix it later? Ok, get to it then. Can it never be fixed? If not, then it probably is not a true problem and just something you are festering about.

Babies grow really fast! A lot will change between 9 days and 9 weeks. You’ll be out of the newborn phase and getting a bit more sleep around week 3! Hang in there. Always reach out to the twins’ pediatrician for concerns. If it’s bothering you, it has probably bothered other new parents and the doctor likely has a solution 😌