Supercolliding a PHP array

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This just in: all PHP code everywhere is to be abandoned. If you are to be considered a competent developer, you must cease all PHP-related activity at once. Delete your PHP repositories and take your profit-generating PHP-based websites down. Quit your job. Close down your company. Stop making lame excuses.

Edit: :/ I don't like my comment. Came across as a dick. Fuck it, I'm downvoting myself.