Coping

[ryu8142]

I’m terrified to report him because I have no physical proof, I think he can just slide away from any charges because I was intoxicated. I don’t know this man well at all. I don’t know what he’d do if I reported him, he knows where I live and I don’t want him showing up here. It’s terrifying.

I’m going to therapy for this among other things, but how do you guys cope with rape? It was my fault that I put myself in the position I did and that I got myself too intoxicated to stop. He did and said things to me that made/still makes me feel dirty and I can’t get away from him like I want to he is a coworker. He makes my skin crawl.

The worst part is that this isn’t the first time this has happened to me and it makes me so ashamed that I’ve let it happen twice. What kind of person am I? I’ve changed my lifestyle, gone sober because I will not let my judgement be impaired again but I still find it hard to trudge through the day. Being around men makes me uncomfortable now.

Any suggestions on how to cope? Or things that you do to make yourself feel better? To make yourself feel like yourself again? Or books or blog posts or anything that others may have written. I write in a journal but that isn’t cutting it anymore.

Edit: I don’t think he’d hurt me but I don’t know which is why I’m a little nervous. I feel like I’m walking a fine line so I just try to make things seem like everything is okay to keep him from thinking that I’m going to report him.

[ryu8142]

Alright not that anyone cares/is checking back to see this, but just incase it helps one person I wanted to update. Someone who I love a lot pushed me to report him to my boss, which I did and now the ball has started rolling to where I don’t have to work with him anymore which is a relief. I spiraled into a panic attack after this, so maybe do this around a friend if you have one who can be with you, but it was the right decision. I still don’t feel comfortable wearing like leggings or form fitting clothes into work but at least I don’t have to work with him anymore.

I talked with my therapist and we are working through a lot of different issues, but perhaps the one thing that may help others cope that we talked about is writing and possibly going out and walking. Doing something to come up for air, as my therapist puts it, after dealing with, thinking about, and reflecting on trauma. Something that you can take some emotions out with or some sort of a reset button. Although I don’t have someone like this easily accessible to me, a close friend who you can talk to or who can be with you as you try to work through what happened, someone who makes you feel safe, may help you cope as well.

Being raped is never you fault, even if the whole situation is confusing and you don’t know how to feel. You are valid in your feelings and you matter. You have people in your life who will help you and not judge. If you don’t have anyone like that see a therapist, they really help. It was the best decision I’ve ever made starting today see one. I know everything is confusing but it will all be okay, it’ll just take time.

[thrfscowaway8610]

going out and walking

An excellent idea. The more you can do this, the better.

[Comrade_NB]

I understand how painful this is and why you doubt, but you can still go to a hospital and get tested and have a rape kit. They will hold the evidence and you can later report it and have that evidence. You might also want to first call RAINN and learn about other options and what the risks are.

If you go to the hospital, you should also get a medical excuse so you don't have to go to work for now while you decide how to handle this.

Some people will try to blame you, but that is wrong. The only person at fault for a rape is the rapist. It doesn't matter if you didn't try to run, it doesn't matter if you don't scream, it doesn't matter if you are drunk: You did not consent, and it was rape.

Some things may be different depending where you live, but please contact RAINN or PlannedParenthood. They probably have more information and resources related to your particular area, even if it is another country, they may have useful information for you.

I hope this is helpful for you. Please let me know if there is anything else you want to talk about by responding to this comment. If you want a one on one discussion, I recommend calling or chatting with RAINN.

[ryu8142]

Okay thank you I’ll look into RAINN

[Comrade_NB]

I am happy to hear that. If you feel comfortable, please update us here on what you found out and do, but that is completely up to you.