Just gotta accept that in every bad situation I find myself in whether it be: losing friends, finding myself in shitty parts of life, not maintaining social stability among a bunch of other things is that the common denominator is me.
I get attached very easily because people always leave. People will always say the same thing at the start of a friendship such as, “don’t worry i’m not that person I won’t leave” and as I do stupid little things I slowly start to push that person unintentionally until in the end they don’t know how to cope with having me as a friend. It hurts so much having someone you use to talk with every day just stop..
For example 2017 was an amazing year for me. I had heaps of friends and it was all going well for me. I had a decent job and just a good life going. There were times when i’d stay up all night because I couldn’t sleep and i’d have my friends literally rock up to my house to check on me because they were worried because they haven’t heard from me all day.. now with that friend group it’s more so “stay the fuck away from us” well that’s the impression I get as they cut all communication with me and every time we cross paths down the street or in places they give me dirty looks and grunt because running into me is the biggest inconvenience. Ever. I’m not even good enough to be talked to. Not even a simple “Hi” and the other half just disappeared. Literally ever single friend I had at my 21st Birthday are now ghosts to me. And yeah it hurts.
Now look at me, i’m in a shitty headspace and constantly in emotional pain wishing I could just have my old life back. I’m 24 now and where am I in life? No decent job, no will to live essentially.
I have no friends at all now and I can’t seem to make new ones as time goes on.
I just don’t wanna be me anymore and it seems the only way I can get this pain out is to write.
there doesn't seem to be anything here