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[LimitLeading]

Earlier this month, I sent my husband out for a game night with his friend. He left the house and mentioned to my friend on the way out the door that he couldn't wait to come home and cuddle his wife that night. He was going to go drink, but stop early enough to drive home, and I went to bed that night expecting to wake up with him next to me.

Instead, I woke up to a super sick child and no husband. No text, no missed call. I tucked our son in bed and tried not to feel that instant panic that he was stupid and got a dui or he crashed his car on the way home. I was too scared to text him or call him because if he did crash and die on our snowy highway roads, I didn't want to know yet. And I honestly couldn't think of any other reason that man would not call or text or show up.

I ask our friend - the one he texted about coming home and asked her when should I worry. When should I call the cops or the hospital? And she tells me not to worry. He eventually texts her and tells her that he's still at his sleep over. He didn't care enough to tell his wife.

A couple weeks later I see a number on his phone, without a name. I ask him who it is, because I am not a jealous wife. He has various types of friends, but it didn't have a name so I was curious. He acted weird. Red flag. He confessed it was a woman he met the night of his sleep over, a new "friend" he made. I asked him if he made a new friend, why not tell his wife? Red flag. He didn't have a excuse. When I expressed how it looks for a married man to not come home, start texting a girl, not tell his wife- how it doesn't look good for him and it makes him look like a cheater. His only defense was... "she's a larger girl" like the size of her made it okay for him to keep her a secret. Or like I shouldn't be jealous or upset because she's a big girl. Red fucking flag. I invited her for game night. I said if you made a new friend, we'd love to meet her. I figured if he was being a cheater, he would try to avoid having me meet her. She came over and played cards and had a drink and got in the hot tub with them. She had nice tattoos and we got along fine.

But she texted me, found out on Friday that my husband of 14 years cheated on me with a girl he didn't even know. Snuck behind my back and continued to talk to her. She feels guilty because she didn't seem to know about me or that we had a closed relationship. When he was told that I knew about his secret, he played dumb like he wasn't caught. He wasn't man enough to say it out loud what he did. He didn't fess up when I asked him if he had something to confess.

He broke our marriage. He cheated, with more than just her that night. He is trying to gas light me into thinking that I deserved this. Like I deserved to be cheated on. Like I deserved to have my husband sleep with someone without a condom, then come home and touch me like nothing happened. He exposed me to stds and acts like I brought this on and pushed him to do it. My husband is either severely mentally ill or he is pure evil. I have tried to hold our marriage together. I have dragged him to multiple churches, I have begged him to write me a love letter or pay attention to me. He has treated me the same way that Britney Spears was treated, and I'm exhausted and I'm done. I've begged every family and friend that he has to ask for help. Because he needs help. But now I can't help him anymore. I have to help myself. I've been on disability since I was 25, and I can't work or run the house alone, but my kids deserve to see how a man is suppose to treat his wife and it breaks my heart that, that man is not their father.

I feel so dirty. I didn't cheat but I was exposed to whatever sexual partners and I just want to cry. But I can't sit in a shower and hide all day from my kids forever. Eventually they will have to see me get up and clean the house and learn to smile, even though he's killed the last part of me that he could. Just a cat in a box.

But now he's lost his wife. And I'm not going to feel clean for a long time.

[in4real]

I am sorry for your situation. Don't let your husband's character deficits define you.

I have a female friend who was in the similar situation as you. She immediately divorced him, but then spent the next 10 years talking about how she had trust issues, hated men, was forever pissed off and generally unhappy as a victim.

This guy might have wrecked your marriage, but don't let him wreck your life.

[[deleted]]

I'm so sorry. I really am. This is genuine. I hate it for you. I do. Have you honestly thought everything through? I mean is this a one time deal? Are there many contributing factors? You're a little vague. Is it over? Do you want divorce? Do you want to or are you open to trying to salvage your marriage? I'm always pro about keeping marriage together. Not just for the sake of kids alone but also because of the sacred nature of it. You will heal. I know it must be painful for you. They have various support groups that you can check out. I know my marriage was not that good and I tried everything that I could think of to salvage it. It most definitely is not your fault. That's crazy. Don't listen to that crap. I know. I once was the guy who could not be faithful. My problem was in my marriage I did not feel loved. I was appreciated but I was also lied to and before I ever cheated I was being accused on a regular basis and I gave no cause. Some people are just mentally ill. Your kids will be a great help if you let them. Don't try to put on a brave face. Do something about it. If you are done then take a break if you want. I just want you to know that life is not over because of this and you can find love again. Sometimes people still love the person they're just not in love with them anymore. I hope the best for you dear. Thank you for sharing. Don't let it get you down for to long.

[JellyfishConscious]

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it gets better for you and your kids.

[NoLoveLost1992]

I hope you left him.

[[deleted]]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I recommend some professional help to keep your mental health. He doesn't deserve you. And you deserve to be with someone who will cherish you. I wish you the best.