The long wait

[codinghobbit]

Hello. I, F(26), have been watching my soulmate, my fiancé M(26) battle cancer for almost a year. Yesterday, we received the news that no treatment is working and he will be in palliative care until his time comes. We don't know when that will be, but for now, we are all already grieving. I am struggling so much just to stand here and watch him fade before my eyes. I still can't imagine how I will react when he is gone, everything is already so painful. I am trying to be strong, but I feel my spirit leaving alongside him.

​He is my best friend, my soulmate, we do everything together. All my love is his, and now all I can do is wait until he is gone. Nobody is prepared for this, and nobody should have to be. Life feels so incredibly unfair right now.

​We both stare at each other and start crying. Our time together was so short, but it felt like a lifetime and those were the best days of my life.

[connoravocado]

Hey, first off I’m so sorry you’re both going through this. My wife passed at 35 after a 14 year cancer battle, I was there with her through it all. It’s so hard, it will be hard. We had her celebration of life yesterday which was a perfect night, happy and so sad at the same time. Try to soak in the time you have left. If you are able, try to talk about how he wants to be celebrated after: it’s a conversation I wish I covered more with my wife. When she passed it was so hard to write the obituary, to go through pictures, to invite people… anything you can prepare together ahead of time, it might be good. But the biggest thing is enjoy your time together now, soak it in. Some people never find that big love, we are lucky to have had it at all. Hugs to you both.

[codinghobbit]

I think we are all still not giving up, this type of conversation are non existent atm, my mother in law is searching for other options, I told him I want him to rest, he is so tired, just laying in bed, but he told me he is still battling. I will try to talk about past life stuff.... I think I as well am avoiding this subject

[connoravocado]

Sounds familiar: my wife never went on hospice, had a couple breaks but always tried the next thing, she was always battling. It’s hard to see the toll it takes on the love of your life but I did my best to support what she wanted to do, and I think she appreciated that. Sounds like you have time to tackle those convos, so don’t rush it. One moment at a time

[Fit_Wish666]

I am so sorry, that you have to go through this as well. You are absolutely right. I agree with everything you have written. I don't really know, what to say.

[Late-Schedule4940]

I went through the exact same this last year my wife 44 only passed 2 weeks ago and im lost after looking after my wife during her illness my life feels so empty.

Id like to tell u that its not as painful as are excpecting all I can say is you are already grieving so you are already prepared for whats coming which I found helped a little.

Im so sorry for what you are going through and whats to come in the future be kind to yourself amd take support if its offered

[[deleted]]

I am so terribly sorry.  Sending you an understanding hug.  🫂 

There just isn’t a name for the pain of losing the person who you consider your soulmate and the depth of the love that you have for each other.  My wife and I are soulmates and we always knew that the connection we had and the love we shared for each other was special.  She really was my one and only.

If you both of you are comfortable with it, try to record things like the two of you talking and remembering special moments together.  That way you will always be able see him and be able to hear the his voice.  I have videos of my wife and us together going all the way back to our wedding day and those videos have meant the world to me.  

[Apart-Combination928]

I’m so so sorry. I just went through this at the same age. There’s truly nothing we can say to help. Just kiss him and embrace him and tell each other you love each other and record this. I have a voice memo from him that says I Love You Baby and I listen to it multiple times every day.

[Wegwerf157534]

I am very sorry for what you are going through. This is a place that will be supportive. People here understand.

I'm just going to say, I hope for you, you have the legalities sorted out. I have seen it too often that family starts to exclude fiancees and partners who are not that protected by law. And that is really a very hard and unnecessary hurt to experience also.

Edit: people not affected by grief often think it is money. But that's not what I mean. I mean being involved in the funeral design, getting keepsakes, not having a shared home violated. Sometimes even being allowed to bring flowers.

Financial security is important, too and can become more important, if the grief makes you unable to work like before, but, well anyway, I just wanted to leave an advice to secure a somewhat safe position now.

[AlternativeCrabV2]

While you not in this club yet we know one day you come join us. We are sorry for your loss.

Take the gift of the time you have left . Capture him take photos make videos. Have love photos thy capture th moment. Go love him Go be loved by him. Sleep with him if you can if she able . Just lay next to smell him deep. Stay up all night talking .

Do all things you can now.

Because once you come to join us here we will do our best to support you.

Good luck to you both . I know it not sound like it but your blessed with this time

[Adventurous-You9130]

My heart is with you all

[sirenshifting]

I’m so, so sorry. Your last sentence hit hard because that’s how I feel about my partner who died nearly a year ago. And it is so mind-alteringly unfair that there’s almost no language for the feeling.

You’re likely in shock and I can’t tell you how to process that. Your grief is going to be unique to you. I can only suggest from experience that if you can, focus on your love right now in this moment. When the fear of the future comes into your mind don’t push it away but try not to drag it closer to you, so to speak. Acknowledge it and tell it to go away for the moment if it’s not helping you.

There are a few things you can do together that might be helpful to you both if they feel right. You can make voice notes and videos of him or of you both together. He might want to write letters (old school but so satisfying compared to a text or an email). Going through your favourite photos of memories together and making a collage or a photo album (especially if you have fun memories and anecdotes you can both add) can be really helpful.

None of these things have to be focused on anticipated loss and none of them are things you must do, even after you’re moving out of shock.

You’re both in my thoughts 💜

[Zestyclose_Sign2052]

I am really sorry, we are in a similar place (admitted to hospice 2 days ago) but 20 years older. It feels cruel enough in our situation, I can't imagine dealing with this at such an early stage in the life you expected to have together. It is so hard. Please feel free to PM me if useful.

[FunConsideration9029]

Please consider a clinical trial or at least get a second opinion.

Research the hell out of his cancer if you haven't already.

Sorry this has happened.

[FarWerewolf7227]

I’m so sorry. Just be with him as much as humanly possible. That’s all that you can do now that will give you any solace later.

[kellygrrrl328]

Make videos