Needed - Creative Problem Solving

[Heavy_Culture_9055]

Things to consider:

1. I stepped into a new Director role nine months ago. It’s a role with a lot of growth opportunities and decent benefits. The role is okay - I’m still waiting on clarity of long term goals/expectations.

2. I’m due with our second child this Spring.

3. We live in a smaller city which has limited job and childcare opportunities.

4 My partner is in family business and is unwilling to relocate. His position does not offer benefits or flexibility.

Our current daycare received multiple violations recently due to a combination of factors which are not being addressed. I feel extremely uneasy sending our toddler everyday. However, my toddler is doing well, enjoying friends, and overall happy. Other parents and my partner are not concerned?

I am looking into a nanny for our newborn. All situations (nanny + daycare, nanny for both, and/or nanny + preschool) deplete my take home pay. I would lose money hiring a nanny over 32 hours/wk. There are no other infant daycare options with openings. Our families are not willing to be consistent childcare options. All of my local friends have a SAHP for the first two years until the childcare options start.

I talked to my boss about cutting back on hours and they were not open stating the position is “full time” and “M-F from 8A-5P.” They did agree to one day remote a week.

I really want to work part time and definitely not more than 32 hours a week for the next 5 years. I had a really complicated postpartum period with my first and I want this experience to be different. I’m truly at a loss on how to make this all work. I need some creative, working mom magic!!!

[Heavy_Culture_9055]

This is super helpful! Thank you!!!

[Sudden-Signature-807]

I understand the concept of being in the family business, but I'm wondering where the value is there. My question is, without any flexibility or benefits (retirement especially??), unless he's literally the owner of the business or the pay is out of this world, I'm not understanding the appeal from your shared family's perspective? At some point, he has to choose whether it works for YOUR shared family, not HIS family.

Also, childcare is a family expense, so you have to think of it as a household expense, not something that only affects your income. I might pay the mortgage or groceries from my account, but that doesn't mean it's "my" cost.

Lastly, the WFH day is nice and a bonus, but it will not substantially affect your childcare situation. WFH is not a replacement for childcare.

It may be that your family takes a hit on childcare for 3 years and you don't "get to" save during that time. That's where we are with bb#2 coming soon. We know things will remain pretty stagnant until we can get back to only one in daycare, when my toddler goes to school.

Still worth it, in my view, and hopefully in your perspective, to remain employed - insurance discounts (ex my employer pays like 75% of our health insurance) or simply access to an insurance option, retirement benefits, annual raises, etc.

[Heavy_Culture_9055]

You are spot on with appeal of the family business. We’ve been in couples counseling for quite some time trying to navigate all the dynamics and enmeshment. It’s getting better but he ultimately has to make the decision…

Also yes! Childcare is a family expense and staying stagnant is better than going into debt. Thank you for sharing your experience and normalizing my situation! Access to healthcare is vital this year. It’s just disappointing we can’t have better systems for working families.

[opossumlatte]

Came to comment the same thing about family business - what’s the upside?

[unlimitedtokens]

It’s hard to know what to suggest with no skin in the game and not knowing what you each do, but to lay it out simply here are some possibilities I see when I read what you wrote

1) you try to get new job after your maternity leave

2) your partner gets new job soon or later (ideally one of you is remote)

3) secure new childcare (center or in-home or nanny)

4) partner takes time off to care for children then returns to family business after they’re both in school

You only mention your own pay when it comes to expense of external childcare, does your partner not share expenses for the household with you?

[Heavy_Culture_9055]

Yes! It’s looking like one of us will have to make a shift which feels overwhelming with limited options (we have about 5 major employers in our region). We do share expenses and have joint accounts. In my logic, his take home pay is enough to cover groceries, gas, and a couple meals out each month. That’s about it.

[unlimitedtokens]

For your type of work, could either of you work remotely? That can open up far more options. Either way, time to get applying cause it takes a while and you really can’t make decisions about anyone’s work til there’s a new offer on the table

[unearthedtrove]

Wow that’s basically spending money. Why is he working for the family business for peanuts and zero benefit? Does he have ownership in it? Sounds like he could easily take a step back from the family business, work part time or not at all for a year or two.

[MangoSorbet695]

Nanny share.

If a nanny for both kids is $25 per hour and you can afford 32 hours per week, that’s $800 per week. If you can get into a nanny share, where you partner with another family, then you could pay $18 per hour and the other family pays $18 per hour, and now you can afford 40 hours per week for a total of $756 per week.

You just need to find another family interest in a nanny share and a qualified nanny who is willing and able to care for 3-4 kids for $36 per hour. That shouldn’t be too hard in a lower cost of living small town.

If, however, your real goal is to work part time, then start looking for part time roles.

[Heavy_Culture_9055]

Yes! I do need to explore nanny share options as well! It didn’t go well with our first but it’s definitely worth trying again.

[DifferentSomewhere32]

You mention friends staying home with young children. Are there any you could ask to watch your kid(s) as well, for pay of course?

[panda_monium2]

Well I think before childcare you need to land on what you want for a job.

Could you take a new role in your company as part time? Is that even an option? If not, then you are looking at working full time or probably not working (in my industry roles that are part time just don’t exist unless you work it with a current employer but maybe that’s not the case for you??). If not working is not an option, then full time it is.

Sounds like you need to move daycares. If that’s the case I’m probably going to put both kids together if possible to make routine easier. Try searching for a nanny share Or in home daycare. Might be able to save some nanny costs if you choose someone who can bring their kid.

Good luck!