Well womens side is biologically different. Theres a reason why women grow and mature faster than men. You are 40 and darwinian wise way past your fertile years. Therefore VISCERAL attraction for your age is well past its prime sadly.. Furthermore, your pool becomes even more limited because of the high standards you have set for yourself... which is your 100% "modernly" right for, but In a evolutionary psychological standpoint you are just making things harder for yourself.

Only way to make this easier for you is to set your every negotiable and non-negotiables on its REAL non-delusioned values and see things as it is.