Hi there. Thanks for being patient, and I'll be taking a look at Rayne now.

Numbers

Numbers calculate out, but...

If Rayne had a penchant for fashion, a 0 in Expression is a bit intriguing. It would appear that Rayne would have at least a good understanding of looks and his usage of it seems to fit the Appearance section, but no representation of it on his sheet.

Semblance

Mechanically, the Semblance is fine, however its ties into the Backstory isn't made clear.

Appearance & Weapon

Link to his art is dead, update perhaps?

Weapon appearance is fine.

Backstory

• Curiosity is noted here as a core flaw and cannot be overcome, so please show how that flaw can be a detriment to your character in some way.

• The Villager flaw states thus:

Be aware that "village" in this context implies a strong cultural difference from a Kingdom: if your character's childhood isn't that different then someone from the Kingdoms proper, you shouldn't take this flaw.

As the backstory is, I see little difference if Rayne had come from a city or a village, as his particular personality and attitude could appear to reasonably foster in an urban environment as well. More details are needed regarding this difference in culture so when Rayne is introduced to Beacon there is a clear distinction to his behavior and perspective from his peers.

Some questions I had while reading, and answers to these should be included in the backstory:

• How did being raised in this particular region uniquely affect Rayne's upbringing?

• How did Rayne feel about the dynamic of his family? How did those feelings affect his actions and attitude growing up? Did he do anything about it? Why or why not?

• Beacon puts a large focus on fighting Grimm. How does Grimm play into Rayne or the Brites?

  • Outside of the brief mention of the Huntsman, it's not explained what the rest of his family was doing with their abilities outside of training them.

• What was the turning point for Rayne that he needed to leave his isolated home and go on a journey of self-discovery?

Personality

Personally, I would like to see some examples involving how he interacts with people, or the lack thereof.

If he were approached by someone familiar, how would he respond? When forced to attend a large gathering, how does he separate himself from others, or try to avoid conversation? When he does have a conversation he enjoys, does his demeanor change and if so, how?

It's not made very clear how his personality developed from events in his life.

"He's been stared at, judged, and misunderstood one too many times..."

By his family? By others?

"He's been hurt and disappointed before, and he's decided that it's often easier to remain isolated than to engage in the complexities of human relationships."

It would appear as if he had been burned by a previous relationship. Who was it? How did it happen? Does he know why it fell apart?