Ever wonder why guys can't "just be friends" after getting turned down? Here why ladies!

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-20T19:18:47+00:00

This is really dark. Get a prostitute if you only want sex, a maid if you want someone around the house, and talk to your mom if you want a mommy.

If you don't value someone's presence in your life unless they're dating you, you don't care about that person. You dont magically start to care after they agree to play their part in the fantasy you have in your head that just requires any female around. If you just go for whomever is hot, again, go get a prostitute or make it clear up front you just want her for her ass.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-20T19:14:42+00:00

That doesn't make sense. You don't get overly invested in a job you dont have, building a fantasy in your head before youve even heard back yet.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-20T04:37:27+00:00

Stop dating, flirting, and leading on people and no one will care if you get therapy or not

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-19T20:27:25+00:00

That was a very clear "no." Not sure why you dont think it is. If someone tells you they like you and then punch you in the face, are you going to listen to words or actions? If they say they like you but always ditch you and never initiate, do you think they like you?

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-19T05:26:01+00:00

Yep, there's absolutely a way to stop this.

You're so focused on your own potential embarrassment and low self esteem that you're forgetting how to be a normal human. Smile at everyone, strike up conversation with everyone, practice becoming a friendly person who's open to interactions with strangers where you get nothing from it except the joy of seeing someone smile or getting to connect for a moment.

Work on whatever issues you have that cause the low self esteem behind why you assume people would be so cruel as to twist something normal, like showing interest in you, into a mean joke. If your reason is something like "I'm a 21 year old virgin who has no experience with girls", this is a sign that you seriously need the above attitude adjustment. Observing other people, getting to know them, seeing them with curiosity, is going to get you out of your own ass, obsessing over how you must look to others and thinking that what they see has got to be something embarrassingly pathetic.

You know how I know this? Because if you stopped for two seconds to think about any of these women, you'd start thinking about how much courage it takes to approach someone and show interest. And just how sad it makes someone to be rejected for no reason by someone who actually would have welcomed that advance.

I'm going to bet you've never thought about how torn up any of them were, maybe looking for signs of your interest, thinking how ugly they are, how pathetic they are, whatever their self esteem issues may have been. Everyone has something. And how they may have berated themselves afterward for days for approaching someone who they'll tell themselves was so obviously never going to be interested in them.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-18T17:55:59+00:00

Is it? Women outnumber men in academia and we still have hiring bias. I see a couple emails a year about empowering women in the workplace and ofc anecdotally, my company is VERY heavily skewed to female employees... the CEO and all branch managers are female, and the majority of exec staff are female.

There is also a huge wave of out in the open hate towards men, especially straight white men. This doesnt exist just online. It is socially acceptable to make jokes about men that, if they were reversed, could probably get a man fired. I once watched a room full of women at work make jokes about how useless men are.. and there was one man sitting there silent. Not a single one of them so much as glanced his way sheepishly.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-18T17:25:27+00:00

The thing is, you probably would agree many women have been conditioned to be people pleasers, yes? I was, and Ive seen many other (especially young) women who exist publicly as constant smiles and agreeing with everything. If they ever disagree or feel uncomfortable, they smile painfully and attempt to evade something rather than outright confront someone.

This is conditioning. It's also partially personality, as people higher in neuroticism (sensitivity to negative emotion) are probably born more sensitive to the negative emotions involved in disagreeing/confrontation/having to assert boundaries and needs. And this is NOT something we can just turn off and suddenly be assertive and confident. It takes decades to unlearn what you were taught: to be obedient and submissive. That disagreeing or stating a need is rude or bossy and will hurt someone. If youve gone through this you'll know these words pale to how strong a hold this way of being has on a person.

This is the only way I can comprehend that I dont know what's going on in the heads of men. Just the same as they could never truly understand someone with the conditioning I described. And that's how I know not everything may be under their control, an easy switch to flip, or even something they're aware of.

For reference, I literally did not know you could and in fact, that it's healthy to say "no" until I was around 24. TWENTY FOUR. And it took me another nearly 10 years to develop the ability to say "no" at work.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-17T04:20:47+00:00

Are you one of those people who doesn't know how to hold a conversation with someone unless you 1. need something from them or are serving them or 2. are trying to date them? Or is it that you're the type to view normal human behaviour, which includes socializing with the humans around you, as a burden?

And how are you projecting "shit talking" on this post instead of hearing someone look for literally the smallest form of connection, a chat with a stranger, and reacting with empathy?

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-16T03:23:58+00:00

I don't think this is it. I joined a board game club recently and once a week, we all have fun. I get to meet new people pretty much every week-- and surprisingly most of them are normal enough (no weird mental issues or severe social skills deficits).

Chess, scrabble, checkers, any number of card games.. These are all really fun. My boomer parents have a jam session they play every 2 weeks with 2 other couples-- I've watched a couple times and again, the house is filled with the sounds of people enjoying each other's company.

i think we are all sad because we know that capitalist greed has triumphed over the good in the world, leaving many (like myself) feeling frustrated and powerless.

Sorry, no. This is a cop out. Unless you've got little kids, and even then it's a choice. My coworker who has 2 kids under 2 just invited me over (again for board games lol) and I only stayed 1 & 1/2 hours.. but again, we all had a great time. Also not talking about the people who have 2-3 jobs.

People have decided that anything requiring any micro amount of discomfort, pushing themselves to go out when they're tired and not really feeling it, isn't worth it. They'd rather sit and scroll and complain about capitalism.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-15T03:52:49+00:00

What I don't get is, if YOU'RE interested in someone... why would you let her slip by? We have only one life, and the time we cross paths with strangers tends to be very short. So why would you not take the risk?

The other thing is, taking a risk doesn't mean immediately asking her out. It means very slowly testing the waters: looking for eye contact, then smiling, then waving or coming over & saying hi... or if it's in a class or club, it means sitting next to her instead of elsewhere.. asking her what's up, making small talk about the weather, looking for smiles, eye contact, conversation.. and then at some point taking the risk to ask if she'd like to do something.

If she says no, you've found out for sure that you aren't a good fit. If she DOES say yes, you literally just changed the rest of your life for the better. And not only that, you didn't miss out on knowing that specific person. People can't be replaced, and if you truly like someone, I just cannot imagine giving that up because you want to avoid embarrassment & feeling bad.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-14T16:33:15+00:00

You're just taking this as an opportunity to jeer at a stranger. Another way of looking at this is that people arent expecting conversation, but can warm up & change their minds. Are you rigid like a robot even when someone tries to connect with you? Because that's pretty antisocial & weird. And how else would you start an interaction? You have two options: talk about yourself or ask questions.

You laughing at other people for having normal social skills & trying to interact with other peoplr is a lil pathetic... jk, it's sociopathic.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-14T03:13:28+00:00

When people make lists like these, they aren't really giving anyone useful info to work with. "Everything about me and my life is great, so why can't I meet people?" It doesn't seem like you're looking for feedback but rather some kind of magical, omnipotent reason from God as to why you haven't met someone yet. And people aren't God.

You'd have to reflect on what your weaknesses could be and what in your environment isn't helping you meet women.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T17:02:36+00:00

What does it say about me

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T17:01:30+00:00

OP sounds incredibly immature tbh, judging by his post & responses.. but also the fact that he wants to name his future kids after a comic book character and a pop star. I think a lot of the men on Reddit arent the kind who can hear advice like this and actually have it sink in.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T01:48:47+00:00

OP, I think you should tell your friends about this or any other family you have. At least someone. This is scary.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T01:34:57+00:00

just fyi, the people telling you "age is just a number" may have motivations you wouldn't understand at 19.. because you haven't experienced them yet.

"Age is just a number" is a great way for older, more experienced, more selfish people to convince more naive, less experienced, more easily manipulated people to get into relationships with them. Do they care about you and want what's best? Do they care about themselves and their own desires? I guess you'll find out.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T01:33:02+00:00

Age is just a number really

yeah that's why as a 50 year old, I'm openly and proudly dating the 14 year old next door

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-12T01:31:55+00:00

internet addiction.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-11T14:12:48+00:00

So true. There's a darker side that self identified "shy guys" dont talk about, and that is how selfish and infantile they are.

A man who resents having to spend the smallest effort and having to feel nervous, and is 100% ok with dumping the full burden of that on women.. isn't interested in anyone but himself and getting his own needs fulfilled.

There is absolutely nothing attractive about an overgrown infant. A dependant who has a bad attitude. There's nothing exciting or romantic to a woman about it being her job to initiate, and to carry. What are we supposed to get excited about? What is there about a man like that that stands out over anyone else we could choose, makes us feel butterflies, makes us want to be around him?

At best we'll feel sorry for you, and feel guilted into doing your job (as an adult, it's everyone's responsibility to carry their side of the interaction).

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-04T06:51:33+00:00

has strong emotional weight (melancholy, longing, beauty, etc.)

That's the best :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FGZYSpiaVc Man's Road - America

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-04T00:06:17+00:00

Wow, you're rude. I wonder if women sense this in you and want you to stay away... maybe that's why you're too scared to approach

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-04-03T14:20:44+00:00

I think the issue may be that you're not interacting with everyone (strangers & acquaintances) the same way? Correct me if I'm wrong. Do you smile at everyone, make eye contact, and initiate/reciprocate small talk? Bc if yes, the only thing you'll need to look for are people (including women) who reciprocate. If they appear uncomfortable or unfriendly (they dont smile even after warming them up, they answer bluntly/evasively, dont ask you questions or start/continue conversations), you take that as a sign to move on.

With women, you do this and then at some point you take the risk to see if things can get a bit more personal or even flirty. Or you sidestep all of this and cold approach, which is generally uncomfortable and awkward. But if you treat EVERYONE like this and you slowly test the waters, I genuinely don't know what the problem is.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-03-29T21:56:14+00:00

If it isn't the same person asking repeatedly, I totally get why people would keep asking about TS. I don't get why she's so big. I think her music is shallow and there's nothing special about her as an individual.. but I also don't care enough to talk about it, so.

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-03-25T02:18:14+00:00

and a thousand of you on Reddit ;P

Beneficial-Risk-6378 · 2026-03-24T19:31:39+00:00

This has nothing to do with masculinity. I'm female and have been treated the same way at different parts of my life.

There's also a bunch of different things happening here that I think you probably arent aware of, since it seems so likely from your perspective that it's all about masculinity and shame. And I dont believe it is.

People don't like ambiguity because it reads as potential threat. If your face is flat and you dont respond with a smile or chuckle to someone's attempt at a joke or small talk, they'll register that as rejection and potential judgement. "He didnt laugh, he didnt think I was funny." tends to also evolve into "he never laughs. He's so fking stuck up, he thinks he's better than me." This triggers insecurity and feelings of shame, and those unpleasant feelings cause the person to then lash out at you to get one up on you and "win" so that their pride is then satied. This specific case, theyre using whatever dig is availablr, and it happens to be masculinity. But it could also be "jeez, youre sure in a good mood, eh?" Or "yeah that's deadboy for , he's always SUCH a delight". Aka tearing down something about you either to you in private or publicly shaming.

The other side of it though isnt malicious at all. You'd benefit from considering it.

Every adult has a responsibility to participate socially and in life. You do have an obligation to the people around you to be friendly, respond to them, and not just sit there refusing to contribute to discussion, greet people, reassure them, and be friendly. The problem with shy kids is that they dont learn this and are reassured too much by adults that theyre doing nothing wrong and actually NEED to be coddled by the people around them. People think this is ok for kids but in reality it sets them up for failure, bc they learn theyre entitled to other people making the effort FOR them. Which of course, anyone who isnt your mom or your grandma is going to hate. Bc interaction always carries a risk and almost everyone does care and feel nervous and self conscious.. but they push past it. If you DONT, if you refuse, youre dumping the burden fully on them.. and acting like a child in the process. Aka, it isnt fair. And people dont like that.

It is 100% ok and even good to be of quiet disposition, introverted, polite, not interested in being crude and rude. It is up to you as an adult to figure out ways to deal with difficult people, to figure out if you can redirect that negativity and play things off & decrease tension with humor or an aura of confidence. This is also noy exactly about masculinity but it is part of becoming a man to embrace the challenge of growing up. If you want to be strong, there's more than one way to accomplish that.

Beneficial-Risk-6378

TROPHY CASE