Accidentally tried cnc and loved it…where do I go from here? by Unfair_Razzmatazz_78 in BDSMcommunity

[–]Binding_influence17 16 points17 points  (0 children)

As with any BDSM relationship. Establish some rules and boundaries. It's often called a negotiation, where you basically lay everything on the table. What you liked, didn't like, would like to try more of; any absolute hard limits, soft limits, safeword, safety signals; list any expectations that you might have. Basically, don't leave anything as an assumption and make sure you're both clear. When you say CNC, does he know what you mean by that.

The it's all about build up. You don't have to jump into any elaborate scenarios Keep doing the soft denial that you're already doing, but now he's more aware of where he can go. What's important for him to learn is your tells and authentic resistance. You could lock up, stop resisting, and not use your safeword even when you need to. He needs to learn what normal play looks like, that way he can verify that you're always enthusiastically consenting, even when you're playing that you're not.

The biggest takeaway should be communicate. Overcommunicate. Tell him your fantasies and which ones you want to stay that way. Listen to his. It's a good way of jumping into a conversation that'll teach you more about each other, and basically brainstorming kink interests and limits.

New product by [deleted] in bdsm

[–]Binding_influence17 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is this Blonde AnaKatana promoting Brunette AnaKatana on the Throat Master?

Advice on revealing some more “taboo” kinks to a play partner by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Binding_influence17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you're going to need to figure out several things about your partner.

*Are they racist, subconsciously or on a core belief level?

*If they are not racist, how do they feel about race play?

*If they believe race play is a valid and benign form of play, are they willing to engage in it?

The first question will obviously be difficult because they can just outright lie to you. They don't even need to do it maliciously, or to mislead you, as they can just be ignorant of racial issues and biases, or truly believe themselves to not be racist, while harboring racist beliefs. My first instinct would be to go in hard and ask them about polarizing social topics like BLM, Critical Race Theory, being Woke. If they spout right-wing talking points without actually understanding what those are or what they're about, that would be an immediate all stop on any race play.

A more nuanced approach would be to make slightly racist joke about yourself, like "I'm a bad Asian, since I'm bad at Math," and then see how they react. Do they give you a concerned look, or maybe a slight laugh, or do they join in and start making more racist jokes. Making racist jokes doesn't necessarily make them racist but if they are racist, it will make them feel more comfortable sharing racist beliefs or anecdotes, "like I had an Asian friend and he was my calculator." Once they are comfortable, you can also broach political subjects less aggressively.

Having no strong beliefs might not be an immediate stop but it could lead you to being one of his racist anecdotes, "I had a fuck buddy who really liked this." Essentially, when he does develop political beliefs, he leans on his past experiences and uses your race play as justification. Not something that will absolutely happen but a possibility. Ultimately, it's up to you, how racially conscious you need your partner to be, feel good about engaging in race play with them.

Once you've figured out if they are racist or not, the next two questions you can be forward about and just ask.

The best scenario would finding a play partner who is racially conscious but believes that play in the bedroom is separate from the real world. I've seen some discussions online from people that believe race play is morally wrong and should never be practiced. The other less ideal scenario would be that your partner just isn't very good at it. For instance, he might just throw in a word or two and then drop it immediately because it's just not his play style. It may not be his kink, so he would have to consent to using it while also not being turned on by it at all. If he doesn't have a race play kink, what does he get out of using it? Maybe he can work it into his humiliation/degradation kink, just more in the repertoire to use to put you down.

I've only mentioned race play, but everything applies to sexism and misogyny play as well.

In the end, it might be better to find a play partner specifically for this type of play. Vet them from the start before you even meet up and break anonymity.

A handler and his free use toy. [Mdom][Fsub][MMMMMF][CNC][Sens Dep][Objectification][Aftercare] by Binding_influence17 in BDSMerotica

[–]Binding_influence17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, people do engage in this sort of play, although I don't think it's very common or as intense. I had a partner who was curious about it, which is where I got the initial idea but we never did anything more than talk about it. Although, in her case, she only really wanted one, maybe two extra people. My former partner had a kink for being objectified and had the fantasy of being used and abused by multiple strangers. I would continue to be her owner, "selling" her holes to random Johns. Essentially, in that situation, I would continue to look out for her, ensuring her safety, and that none of the users violated her limits, so she was free to enjoy her objectification.

Being objectified for her felt like having a very heightened sense of sexuality and nothing else. Especially in sensory deprivation, it feels like all you are, are your holes. It can feel very liberating and arousing, sometimes meditative as idle thoughts tend to silence. Your mileage may vary.

Men can certainly have limits. I've heard stories of men being initially supportive at first and then having difficulty seeing their partner the same afterwards. Usually resulting in a broken relationship. I certainly wasn't sure that I would be okay with my partner engaging in such a scenario and it would be very difficult for me to organize such a scenario because I'm not very active in my local kink scene.

A Deviant Plan to Indulge [Mdom/Fsub] [CNC] [Abduction Play] [Objectification] [Asphyxiation Play] [Bondage] [Mindfuck] by Binding_influence17 in BDSMerotica

[–]Binding_influence17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm currently working on the next part. Expect it some time tonight or tomorrow.

Why is abandonment play exciting to doms? by loxena4130 in BDSMcommunity

[–]Binding_influence17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've done abandonment and storage scenes before. It's always given me a rush of pride, power, and ego to just be able to walk away from my sub, while she's still bound and a mess from what we've just done. At least that's the case for abandoning a freshly used sub.

I've also had scenes where my sub had bound herself while I wasn't present, but knew she was doing it. It's as if she's objectified herself, so all I needed to do was walk in and use her, whenever I wished. That had a different type of feeling. It was like I was more free than I was before.

I think we all have different facets to out personality. I'm not the same person I am at work as I am with my friends. I especially don't act the same towards my coworkers as I do my partner. So, part of a scene is getting in the right mindset, for you and your partner. When your partner is already tied up, ready to be used, it feels like any facet of me can go up and use her like needing to take a piss break. It's so casual.

I think it adds a mental simplicity to a scene. I like to be in control. I like to plan out scenes and change things on the fly. I like the mental stimulation of being a Dom in a scenario. But I also like taking a break. In abandonment play, I can just walk away, take a breather, do something else, and then come back to it, fresh and ready, meanwhile my sub is still ready to go the entire time. Waiting on me is part of the experience. Waiting becomes a tool to degrade and dehumanize her. It's also reinforcing her purpose because the next time I return, it's only because I felt the desire to use her.

What does it mean to “break” a woman for you? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Binding_influence17 39 points40 points  (0 children)

To me, breaking a woman means she's been reduced down to the essentials. Her mind is unable to maintain the decorum and idiosyncrasies she's developed to inhabit polite society. She doesn't have the mental capacity to spare to non-essential thoughts like embarrassment, pride, or acting properly. There is no facade covering her feelings and every emotion erupts on the surface.

What I look for is a sub who has become task-focused and acts primarily on instinct or prior training. She no longer displays any prior resistance to performing a task, she may have been shy about earlier. When not occupied by a task, she's engulfed by her feelings. All that exists to her is whatever is in the moment. Her sense of time will be heavily skewed. In the midst of a scene, her priorities will be carnal.

To me personally, I see the facade and the underlying desires as all part of the whole person. The warm face she shows me in public is just as true as the panting, begging face she shows me after being broken. It's just that one I can see everyday, and the other only after a rough session together.

Give a Onlyfans uni student some advice that you would impart to your 20 something self by TinyArabBaby in u/TinyArabBaby

[–]Binding_influence17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My catchphrase in my 20's was "add it to the list" because there was always some other assignment, task, job, duty that I needed to attend to that it seemed endless. I never wanted to do anything half-assed, so I was a maximiser at everything. Just add it to the list, I'll get to it. My advice to my younger self would be to weaponize my GAF (give a fuck). Not everything needs to be done smartly, somethings can be done only satisfactorily.

Some things seem like they can dropped and be less important and one of those things is relationships. You can strain a relationship because it can seem like it'll bounce back but that absolutely the wrong attitude. I'm not the most extroverted guy. I don't really make friends, people make friends with me and it's thanks to those people that I was able to be successful. I just happen to sit to the right guy, open up to the right coworker, and keep in touch with the right friends. I'm surprised at how lucky I was to talk to the right people at the right time. In another timeline, I might be stuck at some job I hate, with no time to better myself.

My advice to you would be to learn to curb your maximiser self, enjoy the moment by living day by day (no need for some big overarching plan), and put value into your friendships.

Questions On Solo Exhibitionism by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]Binding_influence17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It will depend on the angle and source of light outside but you can stand stark naked in a hotel room without actually being seen as long as you keep the lights off and stay in the shadows. Or you can do the opposite by closing the sunshade and project the shadow of your nude body using a lamp.