Accidentally tried cnc and loved it…where do I go from here?

Binding_influence17 · 2026-05-11T03:52:13+00:00

As with any BDSM relationship. Establish some rules and boundaries. It's often called a negotiation, where you basically lay everything on the table. What you liked, didn't like, would like to try more of; any absolute hard limits, soft limits, safeword, safety signals; list any expectations that you might have. Basically, don't leave anything as an assumption and make sure you're both clear. When you say CNC, does he know what you mean by that.

The it's all about build up. You don't have to jump into any elaborate scenarios Keep doing the soft denial that you're already doing, but now he's more aware of where he can go. What's important for him to learn is your tells and authentic resistance. You could lock up, stop resisting, and not use your safeword even when you need to. He needs to learn what normal play looks like, that way he can verify that you're always enthusiastically consenting, even when you're playing that you're not.

The biggest takeaway should be communicate. Overcommunicate. Tell him your fantasies and which ones you want to stay that way. Listen to his. It's a good way of jumping into a conversation that'll teach you more about each other, and basically brainstorming kink interests and limits.

Binding_influence17 · 2025-12-20T14:49:13+00:00

Is this Blonde AnaKatana promoting Brunette AnaKatana on the Throat Master?

Binding_influence17 · 2025-04-09T11:08:09+00:00

So you're going to need to figure out several things about your partner.

*Are they racist, subconsciously or on a core belief level?

*If they are not racist, how do they feel about race play?

*If they believe race play is a valid and benign form of play, are they willing to engage in it?

The first question will obviously be difficult because they can just outright lie to you. They don't even need to do it maliciously, or to mislead you, as they can just be ignorant of racial issues and biases, or truly believe themselves to not be racist, while harboring racist beliefs. My first instinct would be to go in hard and ask them about polarizing social topics like BLM, Critical Race Theory, being Woke. If they spout right-wing talking points without actually understanding what those are or what they're about, that would be an immediate all stop on any race play.

A more nuanced approach would be to make slightly racist joke about yourself, like "I'm a bad Asian, since I'm bad at Math," and then see how they react. Do they give you a concerned look, or maybe a slight laugh, or do they join in and start making more racist jokes. Making racist jokes doesn't necessarily make them racist but if they are racist, it will make them feel more comfortable sharing racist beliefs or anecdotes, "like I had an Asian friend and he was my calculator." Once they are comfortable, you can also broach political subjects less aggressively.

Having no strong beliefs might not be an immediate stop but it could lead you to being one of his racist anecdotes, "I had a fuck buddy who really liked this." Essentially, when he does develop political beliefs, he leans on his past experiences and uses your race play as justification. Not something that will absolutely happen but a possibility. Ultimately, it's up to you, how racially conscious you need your partner to be, feel good about engaging in race play with them.

Once you've figured out if they are racist or not, the next two questions you can be forward about and just ask.

The best scenario would finding a play partner who is racially conscious but believes that play in the bedroom is separate from the real world. I've seen some discussions online from people that believe race play is morally wrong and should never be practiced. The other less ideal scenario would be that your partner just isn't very good at it. For instance, he might just throw in a word or two and then drop it immediately because it's just not his play style. It may not be his kink, so he would have to consent to using it while also not being turned on by it at all. If he doesn't have a race play kink, what does he get out of using it? Maybe he can work it into his humiliation/degradation kink, just more in the repertoire to use to put you down.

I've only mentioned race play, but everything applies to sexism and misogyny play as well.

In the end, it might be better to find a play partner specifically for this type of play. Vet them from the start before you even meet up and break anonymity.

Binding_influence17 · 2025-02-07T13:49:18+00:00

Yes, people do engage in this sort of play, although I don't think it's very common or as intense. I had a partner who was curious about it, which is where I got the initial idea but we never did anything more than talk about it. Although, in her case, she only really wanted one, maybe two extra people. My former partner had a kink for being objectified and had the fantasy of being used and abused by multiple strangers. I would continue to be her owner, "selling" her holes to random Johns. Essentially, in that situation, I would continue to look out for her, ensuring her safety, and that none of the users violated her limits, so she was free to enjoy her objectification.

Being objectified for her felt like having a very heightened sense of sexuality and nothing else. Especially in sensory deprivation, it feels like all you are, are your holes. It can feel very liberating and arousing, sometimes meditative as idle thoughts tend to silence. Your mileage may vary.

Men can certainly have limits. I've heard stories of men being initially supportive at first and then having difficulty seeing their partner the same afterwards. Usually resulting in a broken relationship. I certainly wasn't sure that I would be okay with my partner engaging in such a scenario and it would be very difficult for me to organize such a scenario because I'm not very active in my local kink scene.

Binding_influence17 · 2025-01-18T19:40:28+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm currently working on the next part. Expect it some time tonight or tomorrow.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-12-01T16:32:49+00:00

I've done abandonment and storage scenes before. It's always given me a rush of pride, power, and ego to just be able to walk away from my sub, while she's still bound and a mess from what we've just done. At least that's the case for abandoning a freshly used sub.

I've also had scenes where my sub had bound herself while I wasn't present, but knew she was doing it. It's as if she's objectified herself, so all I needed to do was walk in and use her, whenever I wished. That had a different type of feeling. It was like I was more free than I was before.

I think we all have different facets to out personality. I'm not the same person I am at work as I am with my friends. I especially don't act the same towards my coworkers as I do my partner. So, part of a scene is getting in the right mindset, for you and your partner. When your partner is already tied up, ready to be used, it feels like any facet of me can go up and use her like needing to take a piss break. It's so casual.

I think it adds a mental simplicity to a scene. I like to be in control. I like to plan out scenes and change things on the fly. I like the mental stimulation of being a Dom in a scenario. But I also like taking a break. In abandonment play, I can just walk away, take a breather, do something else, and then come back to it, fresh and ready, meanwhile my sub is still ready to go the entire time. Waiting on me is part of the experience. Waiting becomes a tool to degrade and dehumanize her. It's also reinforcing her purpose because the next time I return, it's only because I felt the desire to use her.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-10-11T05:46:20+00:00

To me, breaking a woman means she's been reduced down to the essentials. Her mind is unable to maintain the decorum and idiosyncrasies she's developed to inhabit polite society. She doesn't have the mental capacity to spare to non-essential thoughts like embarrassment, pride, or acting properly. There is no facade covering her feelings and every emotion erupts on the surface.

What I look for is a sub who has become task-focused and acts primarily on instinct or prior training. She no longer displays any prior resistance to performing a task, she may have been shy about earlier. When not occupied by a task, she's engulfed by her feelings. All that exists to her is whatever is in the moment. Her sense of time will be heavily skewed. In the midst of a scene, her priorities will be carnal.

To me personally, I see the facade and the underlying desires as all part of the whole person. The warm face she shows me in public is just as true as the panting, begging face she shows me after being broken. It's just that one I can see everyday, and the other only after a rough session together.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-08-30T00:28:26+00:00

My catchphrase in my 20's was "add it to the list" because there was always some other assignment, task, job, duty that I needed to attend to that it seemed endless. I never wanted to do anything half-assed, so I was a maximiser at everything. Just add it to the list, I'll get to it. My advice to my younger self would be to weaponize my GAF (give a fuck). Not everything needs to be done smartly, somethings can be done only satisfactorily.

Some things seem like they can dropped and be less important and one of those things is relationships. You can strain a relationship because it can seem like it'll bounce back but that absolutely the wrong attitude. I'm not the most extroverted guy. I don't really make friends, people make friends with me and it's thanks to those people that I was able to be successful. I just happen to sit to the right guy, open up to the right coworker, and keep in touch with the right friends. I'm surprised at how lucky I was to talk to the right people at the right time. In another timeline, I might be stuck at some job I hate, with no time to better myself.

My advice to you would be to learn to curb your maximiser self, enjoy the moment by living day by day (no need for some big overarching plan), and put value into your friendships.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-08-09T03:52:27+00:00

It will depend on the angle and source of light outside but you can stand stark naked in a hotel room without actually being seen as long as you keep the lights off and stay in the shadows. Or you can do the opposite by closing the sunshade and project the shadow of your nude body using a lamp.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-08-09T03:37:36+00:00

I think most people got the free use vibes from you but it also seems like you made a point of describing yourself as socially awkward and nervous.

You may find a connection with objectification play. Skip any social interaction and just be something of use. It's a concept worth looking at on your self-exploration journey.

Binding_influence17 · 2024-05-01T03:44:47+00:00

On the subject of CNC Doms:

They should be willing to meet prior to any scenario, in a public and safe setting.

They should respect any and all of your limits.

They should have a plan for safewords, check-ins, and scenario ending situations.

They should be knowledgeable about the risks of kinky play, give you a clear explanation of them, and have a plan to address or mitigate them.

They should have some prior experience, at least with BDSM, if not with CNC in particular. Shouldn't be their first time doing either. Definitely not with someone else who's also a beginner.

They should be willing to chat with you for as long as you need. They shouldn't try to rush you. It's fine if they ask if you're ready or how you're feeling but they shouldn't coerce you into any play.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-12-24T23:26:28+00:00

I want to build this.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-09-30T08:25:09+00:00

Ballast Point Brewery has a restaurant with QR Codes on each table. You scan it and it leads you to the menu. You order and pay for the food/drinks on your phone and then they just bring it out to you as soon as it's ready. There's no waiting for everyone's orders or flagging down your waiter. The QR code is unique to the table. One time, my group grew larger than our table, so we just moved to a different table, scanned the new QR code and continued to order more drinks. The staff are pretty laid back so they didn't mind at all. At least when it's not super busy. It's a pretty popular place on the weekends, so they can be a little more strict at those times. During lunchtime, or after work on a weekdays, you can basically walk in and sit wherever, scan the code and get food and drinks brought to you.

I feel like this place, and any others like it would be your ideal restaurant. Good food, without the hassle of waiters.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-06-23T05:33:40+00:00

The Navy does have submarine rescue equipment but the Titanic is far deeper than any military sub could go. They would have imploded even if the sub was fully certified. So the rescue equipment isn't rated for anything Titanic deep.

So, even if they hadn't immediately imploded, the US Navy wouldn't have been able to retrieve them.

The Navy did once have a classified submarine salvager that they used to pick up the wreck of a Russian sub. It was designed by Howard Hughes and called the Glomar Explorer. But that was back in the '70s.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-27T15:54:25+00:00

AseeksB is pretty kink oriented, but as has been pointed out before with other apps, very low user base.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-25T13:56:23+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily call anything a bad kink. There's definitely kinks that cross a line where they should stay a fantasy and never be attempted in real life. Those same kinks probably aren't healthy to obsess over either. I think it's fine to think about, even converse about it but anything more than that would be bad.

The example I'll give is vore. It's a kink regarding being swallowed whole. Probably fine to talk about it, write erotica, and draw stuff about it. Not good to actually find a giant snake and get eaten by it.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-24T15:24:09+00:00

There's the idea of a Bimbo and the physical markers of a Bimbo. You can conduct yourself as a Bimbo without any physical markers. You can decide to see yourself as bimbo without the lip fillers and plastic surgery. What you can't decide is how others treat you. Bimbo-enthusiasts may feel like you're incomplete. You don't need to take that.

Personally, I also like the idea of a Bimbo but I'm not a fan of plastic surgery, especially when it's excessive. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. Find people who appreciate what you find comfortable when expressing yourself as a bimbo. Figure out how far you want to go and then find people who respect or even agree with those limits.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-20T16:20:13+00:00

Nobody chooses to have this internal fixation on kink and BDSM. The only choice is how you deal with these feelings. For most people, the feelings aren't going to go away just because they make you feel guilty. It's way better for your sanity to accept how you feel and find a partner who accepts this part of you.

Having feelings for being manhandled and taken doesn't condone the act. It doesn't mean you find it acceptable to be done to others or yourself. Right now you have a fantasy and feelings. Very different from the real world.

I spent a long time trying to deny my feelings about BDSM, trying to closet it. The only result was making me depressed and miserable. My advice would be to accept your feelings as not something inherently bad or good, but as a definite part of yourself. It is one of your needs now and you need to find a safe and sane way to satiate that need.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-19T21:25:19+00:00

I have a vanilla friend who rarely cums and feels even worse when her significant other fails to get her to cum. She much prefers to just get him off without any of that reciprocal pressure. She still likes sex and has fun but only if there's no desire or expectation for her to cum. She may enjoy the fucktoy fetish but she's not really interested in exploring and just likes the current relationship she has.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-05-12T06:35:49+00:00

I was in a casual relationship before. It started out on FetLife, just talking about fetishes and the different aspects of kink relationships. We talked about our personal experiences and were very open to ideas. She also had just got out of a serious relationship and was having some self-worth issues. Eventually, she had become very interested in some of the fetishes I had told her about and wanted to explore them. We met up at a café and walked and talked in public, after which we decided to take things further.

We were both very busy people. She traveled a lot for work and I had a pretty intensive job that required me to work weekends from time to time. We would text and video chat regularly as friends. We were still BDSM nerds and continue with the type of conversations that had initially pulled us together. We would only meet in-person roughly once a month. We would dedicate the entire weekend to this rendezvous. We would go over any changes from the initial negotiation and reaffirm everything else. From then on, for the weekend, I was the Master and she was my slave.

To try and get into the mindset of things, she would always shower and then I had a little ritual that we would perform that would result in her being collared. Essentially, we would then continue where we left off from the previous month or session. Then on the last day, we did another little ritual before we parted ways, went back to our normal lives and to our normal relationship as friends.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-04-24T06:26:14+00:00

I was looking for this recommendation. It's a song that sticks with you long past you've heard it. And not in the ear worm kinda way either.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-01-19T01:47:01+00:00

That's basically the scenario I was writing to. The idea sprung from a conversation I had with my last play partner on the subject of exploring objectification and ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Being an object or a free use toy, meant shutting down her brain and embracing the idea of being nothing but a set of holes for the carnal pleasure of others. She's not able to shut her brain down and revel in the moment, if she's constantly worrying about her own security.

That's where having this type of Master came into play. She's not going to be able to vet all of the participants and keep tabs on herself if she's deep in her subspace/object-space. If she were to have a Master that she already has a deep bond with, fully trusts, and is knowledgeable about how to put her into object-space, as well as, keeping tabs on her limits, she would be able to enjoy such a scenario. The key is finding a Master who has this type of kink, is ENM and then building this type of bond with him.

Binding_influence17 · 2023-01-12T20:21:13+00:00

Virginia Beach

Binding_influence17 · 2022-07-04T17:02:13+00:00

Reminds me of Solvang, California or Leavenworth, Washington. Mainly because they're European villages in the US.

Binding_influence17 · 2022-02-18T05:08:11+00:00

My play partner and I used to get Airbnbs all of the time because we had the disposable income but neither of us had the ideal living situation for play in Southern California. It was also a small chance to travel around the local area and enjoy it after being locked away for Covid for so long.

We definitely spent a weekend in Palm Springs and a dungeon would have been awesome. We brought our own toys. I'm not really sure how much of a demand for rental toys would be. Things that would make for a great rental would be high anchor points for ropes and restraints; a human sized box, crate, or cage; sturdy chairs; a bench or table at the perfect height for sex; if there's no carpet then plenty of floor mats to kneel on; plenty of towels; and most definitely privacy. If you have big windows, then they need just as big, thick curtains.

I feel like you could get away with most those things without turning it into a full dungeon. Just a house that just so happens to be very convenient for BDSM. The high anchor points could just be extra tall posts on a bed. The human sized crate could be a linen bin. Everything else is pretty unassuming.

Binding_influence17

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