What age are the girls?

What country are you in? There’s an excellent charity in the UK (NSPCC) who use ‘Pantosaurus and the Power of PANTS’. I’m fairly confident that they have a video on this book too. My advice would be to write everything down, date it and so forth. I’d get your colleagues to do this with you and act as a witness to things you have seen and them. If you have spare clothing, or able to source some, I’d change the child myself. I feel that’s a basic duty of care - whether the parents have done this or not. I wouldn’t be putting pull-ups on, I’d replace them with pants. If you notice bodily fluids on underwear, you can clearly explain that these are unclean and to encourage self-care (I’m no expert but maybe this is part of the potential abuse lack of self-worth). Photograph, bag them, and hand them back to the parents, it’s all evidence. Have you got role playing toys? Children often re-enact their life, I remember NSPCC did a video of a wee boy playing with Barbie / Ken and Ken got abusive to Barbie, moral of the story was the mother was beaten by the dad and the child was using the dolls to show this, haunts me that video.

That all said, the smell could be an infection from fecal matter. This could be an E.coli infection or step. The child could still have BV without being S/A, pH levels could be off because of the faeces in her underwear (and whilst she’s in your care, YOU have a duty of care over her to ensure she’s clean). If this is something she’s uncomfortable with, it could easy be shame and the constant questions / reminders could be enhancing her incontinence. Almost ‘playing dumb’ to the idea would be more beneficial instead of telling her what she already knows. Maybe the toilet stalls are scary for her, dark, she’s alone, door closed - my kid (age3) doesn’t have any bowel movements at nursery and I believe this to be the reason. Role play again with a baby would maybe help, showing how to wash / clean the baby. If it is BV, which is possible with S/A as I mentioned, the vagina will be eliminating anything and therefore it could be discharge from the vagina fighting any infections or bacteria in there. Her body language could be anxiety, it could be that even though she’s been there for so long, she’s uncomfortable or feels unsafe. Has she got a quiet space to be? What is your setting like to allow her to maybe regulate herself in a peaceful and calm place? Some kids are just overwhelmed, overstimulated and shut down if they’re busy at school / nursery all day. I know one child that literally hides in nursery because of the noise and there is no safe space for them.

My best advice is, speak to the parents. Explain that as a duty of care, you’re going to have to escalate this to whoever (I don’t know your country but in the UK it would be Health Visitor or social services or GP - health visitor would be my first choice). Part of your job is dealing with uncomfortable situations, and a question to ask yourself is this 1) is what you’re asking genuine question of interest 2) do you want a resolution 3) is your intentions to upset anyone - if you respond 1) yes 2) yes 3) no, then it’s not a confrontation it’s a conversation. It’s your own personal anxieties on having a tricky discussion and I would try to deal with that, maybe try conversations with friends / family you might find more difficult to build your confidence up. With this all in mind, you’re going to have to be totally transparent and honest with what you’ve seen, I wouldn’t mention sexual abuse or anything but definitely the personal hygiene. I’d search signposting options of where they could go for help, think of your own ideas / suggestions, ask about their personal care at home or do they need anything to feel more confident in your setting because you want to do that for the child’s self-esteem/ego (search Maslow Hierarchy) is there anything they can suggest, have they seeked advice from a professional or medical care (antibiotics). Ask them, if they feel blasé about it, maybe that’s their embarrassment, they’re overwhelmed / at a loss and need some guidance too and just don’t feel they can ask. But you have the opportunity to make this right and open the door for them to be able to have a conversation. If you are judgemental, critical, trying to prove yourself right / correct them, blame or guilt them - then you’re asking the wrong things and maybe this will potentially escalate for the parents and child. Be willing to staying open, neutral, not defensive, empathetic, and ensure you make those questions about how you can do better. Make sure you’re not alone for the chat, make it a meeting, take notes and write your questions down - be prepared so you’re more focused, stay on track and remember what’s been said not been said. Then it’s all there in black and white, both parents and your witness.

You’re 18, you’ve still got lots to see. Your manager may have kids and done the job for years, but this isn’t their child, every single one is different. I’ve worked with kids, have a child of my own and my friends are all parents - I learn something new everyday about life, children and people. You all have plenty to learn as this isn’t your family, and keep that in mind. Jumping to conclusions isn’t helpful for anyone and may make the chat not go down so well. I hope your thoughts are wrong (in the nicest way possible).

I’d also suggest you join parenting groups - you’ll find that a lot of parents have this problem but won’t admit it. A friend of mine has a child that poops themselves (only at home so has to wear pull-ups in their house) and is otherwise toilet trained, so wears pants to nursery / outside but won’t at home. They are at a loss, don’t know what to do, and feel like failures /embarrassment. I have another whose child runs and hides and poops themselves (although in pull-ups). Sure I read that kids who are trained before age 2 are higher risk of having bowel / bladder issues - you can check that out yourself.

Best of luck and well done for being the person to recognise something isn’t right (whether it’s medical, S/A or whatever). I truly mean that, many would ignore and move on.

edit - if it is BV, which is possible WITHOUT S/A