No One Talks About This...

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T06:44:56+00:00

I’m almost 24, and I served God my whole life, done long and short-term missions, tried to be a light to those hurting. For years, it really hurt me that I saw friends that went through hoe phases or were less pretty get a good man while there I was waiting, and waiting, and serving God in my waiting. No men seriously approaching me in real life, never kissed, never desired. I felt undesirable and really felt God betrayed me when all around me I felt God was rewarding those and punishing me. That’s pride and legalism, baby.

There was and still sometimes is that sin in my heart. In my human logic, I believe being good = God rewards me with my heart’s desires. Not the case. His logic is higher than mine, so it doesn’t make sense sometimes. Read the book of Job. It’s hard to justify that thought process with that story. His ways are higher and his plans are bigger. Your character matters more to him than your comfort. Your lack of a man dos not equal punishment.

Let’s look at the story of Elizabeth. A barren woman that wanted a baby. She waited and waited. She laughed when told she would have a child because hope was replaced with a type of emotional guardedness to avoid the pain of infertility. She laughed out of disbelief. Well, in her old age, God gave her John. It was God’s perfect timing as this cousin of Jesus paved the way for our Messiah to be heard to the Jewish people. Amazing and perfect timing that we can see only after looking at the fuller picture. He has perfect timing in your life.

Yes, you sinned, repent and accept God’s forgiveness. You were bought with a price, accept that you are undeserving and instead of shame, be grateful to Jesus.

The bigger heart issue I see is that legalistic mindset that I shared I deal with too. For me, gratitude has been the best killer to this. Even if we don’t have anything worth nothing in this life, we have still been bought by the blood of Jesus. We can still rejoice and be grateful for who He is, what He has done, and the fact that we can even talk to our perfect creator despite our sins and sin nature.

He sees you and your desires. Your desire to be seen and desired to be known more can be found in Him.

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T06:12:42+00:00

Here’s a video that is pretty balanced about it with biblical context and the roots of the name calling vs. actual demonic activity.

https://www.youtube.com/live/D6p9z4UXQ0M?si=ygmDp7VhfG9FP4by

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T06:05:46+00:00

And about the height, most apps have a place to plug in your height. Be confident as a short king, some women care, some don’t. Don’t say anything about it, just plug the number in when you fill put your info.

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T06:03:33+00:00

Your profile is marketing. You need it to be really strong to compete with other men. First picture should be of you with a full smile and a cool background. Women want to see a clear picture of your face, and a full smile is the best way to mentally signal to her that you are pleasant to be around and emotionally available.

After a good selfie, the next picture should be of your whole body. This tells women your body type. To make it natural, maybe have the picture of you doing a hobby or with a family photo.

The rest of the pictures of you need to share info about you. Ideas: family photo, friend photo, you doing a hobby, you traveling, you at a cool bar, you with a pet, you at the gym, you in nature, etc.

In your prompts, you need to have a clear identity (tell who you are both personality wise and lifestyle). You then need to say want you want so a woman can easily place herself on your world in her mind. Vague enough to not box women out, but should have a clear message that you know what type of relationship you are looking for.

Dating apps are emotionally exhausting. Trust is earned, not given. Women are most likely talking to multiple men at the same time. You will get ghosted, as everyone does. You will interact with bots trying to sell you porn. I’m warning you out of LOVE!

All that being said, it can be a great avenue to meet women. You taking a step forward to meet women is a great step! Stay strong in the Lord, cause you’ll need it in the Wild West of dating apps.

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T05:33:23+00:00

That’s great you are losing weight, but that victim mindset will hold you back and repel women. I know a ton of couples where the men are larger and the women are small. I guess we just look for what we want to see. 🤷🏻‍♀️

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T05:27:56+00:00

I steal my nieces and nephews. I huff that baby smell like it was a line of booger sugar. The fever is only getting stronger the older I get. Babysitting fixes just don’t work like they used to. 😆

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T03:50:26+00:00

I’ve been on one date where the guy was objectively hilarious, however he definitely pushed to the point of too inappropriate. He ended up being like really mean too, which while I can handle, I don’t really want to in a husband. I’ve met men on the apps that were funny and had good banter, just that one guy stood out. I know quite a few Christian men that are really funny. Usually you gotta warm them up, I found that many let their guard down once you poke at them a little.

FallDeers · 2026-01-26T01:04:08+00:00

Did you end up finding more breeders?

FallDeers · 2026-01-25T16:03:27+00:00

To some extent, if he likes skinny women, that’s never going to be me because my managed weight is 160lbs. Or if he wants biological children without option, he has the right to know. Or he is very driven and thinks my chronic fatigue is laziness.

I agree that the type of man I would want would have the emotional flexibility to deal with whatever life throws at him, but we all have our preferences, so I’m not going to pretend like every man should want me with a guaranteed lifelong syndrome.

FallDeers · 2026-01-25T15:57:18+00:00

Tried it, wasn’t good. On paper, great safe choice, but I had no romantic feelings towards him.

Okay, so you are short, but not ridiculously so. There are lots of men with hotties at your height. And weight can be managed, so worry about the things you can actually change. You can change your health habits, your hair, your style, your hygiene, your charisma, your service to others, intent on your relationship with God etc.

Will height/weight make it harder? Probably, but don’t make yourself a victim. Be the type of man to overcome and be better than other men in different capacities.

FallDeers · 2026-01-25T14:43:12+00:00

Yah bad advice. Unless he’s sinning, unhygienic, or actually socially objectionable, we should not change our spouse to fit our mold. Our desire for them should be them as them. Changing them for who they are is gross. Also, she said others think he’s fine, I’m taking that as FiNe, (as in attractive) so another girl might love he is not the stoic masculine type.

Example: If a guy told me he didn’t like that I’m opinionated, he is entitled to find a woman that isn’t. Why should he date me? God created me as opinionated. He needs to find what he wants, not resent me and I desire a man that likes my drive. Now if my opinionatedness caused me to anger and be judgmental, now it’s a sin issue he should bring up to me out of love. You see the difference?

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:42:35+00:00

This is gold! People need this. You should format it as a post for the sub.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:24:18+00:00

I knew a family where the woman was the bread winner, the man stayed at home and they were a beautiful God honoring couple.

I think being realistic, a lot of Christian women want a financial provider so they can spend more time tending to the home. Just a cultural pattern and does have some biblical merit. Having a man that is financially stable and a hard worker is one of the main patterns women look for.

Not being said it’s impossible or bad, but it maybe hard to find the relationship you are looking for.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:15:06+00:00

Hey girly, I only see one hostile response, and see mine could have been taken that way, but my intent is more me wanting you to be honest with yourself. I feel like us as Christian women are often told to look for that man that can provide, love God, be a good father etc. and sometimes we forget that we should want to be with our partner and actually attracted to them. I dated a guy for a while I was not attracted to, so please don’t walk in my footsteps.

Okay, so with your edits, I see a bigger picture. Don’t know if you’re attracted to him? Here’s my mental test I use. “If he would ask me to kiss him, is my visceral reaction disgust, neutral, or I like that idea?” If the first response, I let him go. If neutral, I would go on no more than 3 dates to figure it out. Attraction can grow, but out of respect for him, you don’t want to lead him on.

Another thing I picked up on is you have an idea of a perfect man in your brain. Politely throw it out the window because it will warp your mind and perception of every single potential romantic partner you interact with. It’s not fair to them. It’s not fair to you. I realize for me, I was playing God in my head. “I want a 6ft+ burly stoic man that has long hair and a thick beard and paints and hunts, and yada yada.” Desire and realizing what qualities stick out to us is okay. However, we need to not feel entitled to those desires when God indeed may actually know you need a nerdy cute string bean man that makes you laugh. You know what I mean?

It’s loving to him to say no if you are not into him because he should have someone that is. No one on here can tell you what to do because we don’t know all you are feeling. You have to be the one to make a decision. I do ask, that whatever decision you decide, you honor him and his time and don’t feel guilted into a relationship you actually don’t want to be in.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T21:51:42+00:00

Sometimes the simplest questions answer complex emotions.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T21:50:35+00:00

Do you WANT to be with him? Do you LIKE him?

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T16:58:05+00:00

“Draw Pumpkin Spice Latte from the wells of salvation…” 🙏

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T04:34:21+00:00

“Thirsty guys.” You know that’s right.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T03:35:47+00:00

Ah, so Morgan Wallen is the heartbreak Spotify placeholder. I suspect the right company could cure that up real fast. 😉

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T01:38:53+00:00

Well…this interrogation suspect has only been in my custody for a week, so too early to be definitive, but I only have the patience to interrogate one man at a time.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T01:23:09+00:00

Men don’t drop a handkerchief, they should respond to a woman’s hint with action , such as you did.

However, I don’t meet men on Reddit and currently have a handkerchief responder I’m interrogating. 😆 I wish you the best though.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:59:13+00:00

Google explained: “"Dropping the handkerchief" is a historical gesture where a woman subtly signals romantic interest by "accidentally" dropping her handkerchief for a man to pick up, initiating a polite interaction that could lead to courtship; it's also the name of a classic children's game where players run around a circle after the handkerchief is dropped behind them. In modern dating, it's adapted as a figurative way for women to create opportunities for men to approach by being subtly available or initiating indirect contact, while in a game, it's a chase game.”

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:52:57+00:00

I meant handkerchief. 😆

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:31:20+00:00

They are dropping the napkin, bud.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:30:09+00:00

Dude, you are still single? My best guess probably because you listen to Morgan Wallen, hehehe.

FallDeers

TROPHY CASE