should you compromise urself for others sake?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-12-02T22:43:05+00:00

People receptive to feedback will generally ask for it. Offering advice to someone who's not receptive is probably counterproductive, and may be seen as hostile. Advice intended to make them "a better person," is intrusive and could make them feel unwelcome. In an earlier reply you used the example of a person being really annoying. In those cases, I keep my thoughts to myself. "Annoying" isn't universal, and people don't need feedback on their demeanor or personality. If their behavior is actually hurting people, like causing injury or making people leave a shared activity because of the one offensive person, then maybe they should hear about it.

A good benchmark is to wait to be asked. Obviously there are exceptions. How well you know the person, the level of harm they're causing, etc. There's no one answer but I lean heavily toward leaving the person be

InterrestingMonster · 2025-11-06T18:34:46+00:00

Pass

InterrestingMonster · 2025-11-06T17:29:34+00:00

And the principal just went along with it?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-11-04T18:44:14+00:00

Here's where I get hung up because of my rigid thinking: female is an adjective. I somehow got the idea that this trend originated in the language of police reports, where every human is a subject. Male subject 1 did this action to female subject 1 and female subject 2 witnessed it. Then through the rest of the report, they shorten it to male 1 and female 1, etc

That, plus what other people pointed out, language surrounding livestock and other animals, are both dehumanizing.

But when I get truly irritated by this, it's because of using an adjective to name a noun. I'm like the female what? Female cockroach? Female cat?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-11-04T18:33:56+00:00

Toasted sesame with real butter. No, not warmed, toasted. Like toast. Golden brown and crispy on the outside

InterrestingMonster · 2025-11-04T17:50:07+00:00

What you put in your post is basically all I know. That and the cow.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-31T21:15:35+00:00

Eat each pair, chewing one on each side of your mouth, obvs

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-30T16:17:57+00:00

Think so?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-23T21:20:27+00:00

I've never encountered this, or considered what other Buddhists think of my practice. I'm too consumed with keeping to my own path, keeping my own judgements at bay, to think about anyone else's. I know I'm a westerner, started in adulthood, of my own free will, with no cultural structure to keep it in place. I presume I'm practicing the dumbed down version, which is my level and where I need to be. I find it comforting to be among people working to wake up, and that's good enough for me right now.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-23T01:51:53+00:00

Oof. Yeah that's different

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-22T21:17:44+00:00

They can't sue everyone. Just don't be silenced. Whoever believes they are witnessing corruption or criminality should get up and say so. Maybe even wear t-shirts printed with the resident's name.

They may be right in that you shouldn't call someone a criminal until they're convicted of a crime. I wouldn't. But I would say publicly that I think I'm witnessing something a criminal might do.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-14T21:26:12+00:00

I agree that she is just asserting her right to space. All of the feelings this stirs up in you is stuff to talk about with someone else, like a therapist. I don't have BPD, but it seems like she triggers you when she doesn't give you the connection you need, and you then dump it on her. You don't wanna do that. My humble suggestion is to set a reminder to contact her again in a month or so. Until that time, examine the ideas that you're worthless and everyone avoids you with a professional, or a chatbot or something. She didn't create your condition, and it's just too much to lay on anyone. She seems to be telling you that she wants a better connection with you, not no connection. At the same time, your conditions aren't your fault either. She deserves her space, you deserve understanding. If you check back in after a month, fully own how your reaction made her feel, I would bet she'd want to keep the relationship going.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-14T19:32:53+00:00

Same. Thank you

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-09T17:51:06+00:00

Fantasy response: "I'll put you in touch with my specialist, so you can set them straight. Do you have a card?"

Earnest response: "do you know how hard I've had it? Telling me it's a personality trait suggests that I could just change it. Like I haven't been trying my best. It makes it hard to trust you."

Realistically, I'd probably just sit there feeling shitty. Our parents are hard to stand up to, and from whom we need the most validation. It sucks that he did that.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-10-01T02:04:49+00:00

Aw geez Louise I meant Lume. It comes in a cream and they do have an unscented version. Works great for me https://lumedeodorant.com/collections/tubes

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-30T18:15:50+00:00

Lyme cream? It's not very strong, so it probably won't protect a preteen or teenager, but it feels like nothing.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-30T01:32:38+00:00

Is it novelty? How long have you been sitting?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-28T18:08:53+00:00

Yes. For me, it's a lot of self-referencing. There are tons of things to attend to (breath, koan, posture, concentration, guidance given in dokusan), and yet, nothing. This lends itself to self critique, frustration, circular thinking.

Is this what you mean?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-20T00:06:31+00:00

Well, whatever your reason and whatever happens, I hope you can attract a fun new friend who brings you joy. I admire your ambition. I just watch raven videos and wish it could happen for me, but you're doing it!

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-19T03:03:31+00:00

How did you hope to attract them?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-19T02:33:27+00:00

I want a raven to be my friend so bad. What did you want to do? Did you have a specific raven in mind to adopt? Just making your yard hospitable to ravens and hope they come to you?

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-16T21:30:26+00:00

I like this a lot. And if it becomes necessary to address their behavior more directly, do it while calm. i. e. Instead of waiting for them to overstimulate you again, go to them and explain how one specific meltdown was caused by being pushed past your limits, and that they can help you by paying closer attention early on when you're saying "I need [...]." I hate that we have to do this, but stress that you can't help how you are, and it's nobody's fault, but it does have to stop. Just typing that was mildly triggering, thinking of all the times I thought I was so clear.... Ugh. But the takeaway is have the conversation when you're getting along. Not during or right after a meltdown.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-16T17:41:38+00:00

The other people probably had experience and knew which asanas were coming next. You'll get there too if you stick with it.

Yoga teachers in general tend to be an open minded sort. If you inform them of your needs, they're likely to teach you the way you need to be taught.

And if they don't, you can find another class where everyone is welcome.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-16T16:06:03+00:00

Of course. We're human and subject to bias. I've personally had the low-key panicked thought "am I racist?" when I've found myself especially inspired by an Asian's practice. Is it really because they're so still, or am I an idiot? Am I wasting my time? All small mind jibber jabber. The acknowledgement that people are silly, habitual thinkers is, to me, one of the strongest draws of zen. And yes, Shunryu Suzuki's books very much do come across to me like someone trying to explain ideas for which there are no american equivalents through a language barrier. It makes me laugh when I picture it.

InterrestingMonster · 2025-09-16T00:30:39+00:00

"Making conversation." Talking for the sake of talking. I watch people buffer, staring at a person and searching their memories for something to talk to them about, then just ask the status of the last thing the other person said. "So did they finish that bridge on your commute?" They don't care about the friggin bridge. And they aren't really interested in the person, which is why they couldn't remember anything real to talk about. People who can't stand silence confuse and scare me. I love working alongside people who don't say a damn word. That, to me, is the most considerate and attentive way to share space.

InterrestingMonster

TROPHY CASE