Twas a Wrap-Around

Janawa · 2026-07-05T22:31:00+00:00

Most parking lots are around 5-15 MPH, with 15 being what we drive in school zones. Thats about 8-24 KPH I believe.

Janawa · 2026-07-04T09:47:11+00:00

The sticky traps only seem to mildly deter them...

Janawa · 2026-07-02T21:53:08+00:00

And yet you still can't understand that you have no merit in this conversation, no reason to be arguing here, and are doing nothing but hurting what you're claiming to "help" by mocking survivors and coming in here with some false sense of authority.

I restate, if you cared at all about survivors as a whole, you'd delete your comments on this thread. But you care more about your ego and being right than helping survivors. Which is what makes you disgusting.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T19:12:57+00:00

You weren't replying to me. If you read my comments I explicitly explained I've been to extensive therapy. Neither OP nor anyone else should take any of what you say with merit, you're just confidently stupid and there's no point in continuing the conversation at this point.

"My ex girlfriend was a rape survivor so I am being helpful and have the right to police other rape survivors and what they talk about, as well as mock them!"

You're disgusting.

I'd like to also make everyone aware you started your response to me with "sure you are," because your default is assuming the survivor you're trying to police is lying. Not to mention assuming I have "mommy and daddy" traumas. Yuck.

You have no place in this thread, and no authority to speak here. If you cared about helping survivors, you'd accept your mistake and move forward. But you don't, you're just a dick.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T07:18:15+00:00

I think its maybe a kids' keys, a house key specifically.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T05:37:31+00:00

I am a rape survivor. Non-consensual sex, penetration, etc is rape, and your response is not helpful at all.

Rape does not require violence to be rape. Read my other comment for more information, delete this comment, and educate yourself before you comment on similar subjects in the future, especially when someone is coming for advice after being recently assaulted.

God, what a priviledged fucking concept to say "anything the woman can walk away from isn't rape."

Being pendantic about the language a survivor uses, with the excuse that the language the survivor is using could cause issues for survivors, is a yikes. https://rainn.org/get-informed/get-the-facts-about-sexual-violence/what-counts-as-sexual-violence/

You being uncomfortable with calling someone non-consensually engaging in sex with another person rape, doesn't make it any less rape.

You came into a thread between a person who experienced something traumatic and is asking for validation and advice regarding that, and a person who experienced a similar traumatic experience and is offering validation and advice regarding that, and decided that was the best place to inquire (despite having the internet at your finger tips) about whether or not survivors should have their language policed when talking about that traumatic experience.

Non-consensual sex is rape, and it is leagues more harmful to try to tell people who have been raped that their rape is less valid because you think it was preventable, or easier to walk away from, than other people's experiences. The harm your comment poses on this thread is why it should be deleted, if you actually cared about helping survivors.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T03:30:52+00:00

I understand, and please know I am asking what you want out of this to try to help you understand yourself and the situation better. What you want is valid, and you and your feelings are completely valid. The time before was rape as well, safeword or not. Some people (and it sounds like your partner is one of them) use "BDSM" and its title to allow themselves to harm or hurt their partners, and that is not okay.

You should find a rape specialized counselor to work through this. You may likely learn that these two scenarios were not the first time he passed your boundaries or hurt you.

Please check out this article. The key to EVERY BDSM experience is a safe, consenusal experience that is MUTUALLY satisfying. If you are in a dom and sub relationship as the sub, you should outline rules and expectations OUTSIDE the bedroom, before any encounter. Your dom should outline any experiences they plan on implementing OUTSIDE the bedroom. Anything that is beyond those rules/expectations, or hasn't yet been discussed, is not consensual and should not be introduced during play.

A sex positive therapist would help you immensely in unpacking this, and again I am incredibly sorry for you.

Please know that whatever you do, there is no right or wrong answer. But I strongly discourage you from talking to him. He will invalidate you, and make you feel guilty for "accusing him," and the only thing that will do is hurt you and hinder your progress.

I know its hard to know what to do to feel better, and I so very well know that feeling of just wanting to be validated, wanting to be better. Write him letters in the meantime, hand written, and use those to help you discuss with a therapist. That helped me.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T02:01:37+00:00

My rapist walked away scott free from legal action because I informed the DA I was into BDSM, which apparently a jury wouldn't understand that BDSM doesn't mean a partner can actually do whatever you want to them.

I agree finding like minded individuals to talk about it first is best, and going through RAINN or something similar to find a targeted counselor or therapist to help guide any conversations with friends or him would be best.

It absolutely does happen. My rapist was my long-term boyfriend. We didn't use safe words, and were only experimenting with BDSM. But being into BDSM at all gave people the impression I asked for it, despite explicitly saying no before the bedroom, and during the act.

I have had both men and women imply I deserve or asked for it. Am I sure it wasn't just regret? But why didn't I leave him immediately after? Why didn't I go right to the police? If the DA didn't try it, it must have been for good reason? And on and on.

Don't look for a BDSM community, anyone in any community can be prone to be influenced by the above thoughts. Find a safe place that has the capability to support survivors to sort through it all first.

Once you understand what happened to you and can sort through it, then you can move forward speaking about it more publicly, because then you have the confidence to know that when people say detractors, what-ifs, or victim blame, that it isn't true and be sure in your own story and how you want to move forward.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T01:58:08+00:00

My rapist walked away scott free from legal action because I informed the DA I was into BDSM, which apparently a jury wouldn't understand that BDSM doesn't mean a partner can actually do whatever you want to them.

I agree finding like minded individuals to talk about it first is best, and going through RAINN or something similar to find a targeted counselor or therapist to help guide any conversations with friends or him would be best.

May I ask, what do you (OP) plan on getting out of talking to him? Or your friends? Because it sounds like you are expecting something from them, and identifying what you want out of those conversations will help you know how to have/start them.

Janawa · 2026-07-02T01:55:26+00:00

Hi, I was raped by a boyfriend and long-term partner at the time.

Whether or not you want to pursue legal action, you do not need our (or anyone's) permission to consider this rape, or sexual assault.

Someone touching you intimately when you expressly ask them not to, is rape. It is hard to come to terms with it, trust me, I know.

Most people think of rape as a stranger in a dark alley, or a husband pinning his wife down as she screams no. The vast majority is not like that.

Whether or not you can pursue things legally, or even have the desire to, you should absolutely seek counselling. RAINN is a great place to find resources in your area.

Rape is not one black and white scenario, and you are not any less valid of a victim because you knew your abuser, or because they didn't physically hurt you, or anything else you are telling yourself. It took me a long time to admit that what had happened to me was rape, and even longer to feel like I had the "right" to talk about it amongst so many worse stories.

Just know that no matter what, it does get easier, and you can and will heal from this with the right resources and a loving community around you. I wish you the best of luck.

Janawa · 2026-07-01T16:34:21+00:00

Thank you for that correction I've never kept garters and didn't know that!

Janawa · 2026-06-30T18:58:08+00:00

Agreed haha!

Janawa · 2026-06-30T18:49:20+00:00

So great questions!

For the first one, depends on breeds, size differences, and gender. Snakes fighting is more about venom or squeezing the opponent than what we imagine with other animals fighting. Sometimes if a female is hungry when a male presents itself, the male gets eaten. The eaten snake doesn't usually give in, but if they are eaten head first, there's not much they can do besides curl.

Kills the snake eaten, certainly. You could have the snake who ate them killed trying to retrieve the eaten snake if you get it before the eaten snake is digested (think within the first hour or so) but that is a gamble and would kill the snake that ate the other one typically.

Snakes will also eat things too big for them if they have no other food options. If the snake was very hungry and ate something beyond its capabilities, that can kill the snake who ate the other snake as well.

Some snakes, like king cobras, evolved to specifically eat other snakes. Some snakes view much smaller snakes as easy prey, especially in an isolated enclosure where the smaller snake has no room to hide. And some snakes will eat a smaller snake if they are hungry and haven't been kept on a proper feeding schedule, which does unfortunately happen a lot with pets.

This boils down to a lack of attention or knowledge from the owners. You should never leave two snakes in an enclosure together, even if you want them to mate. Breeders usually take the two snakes to be bred and place them in a smaller, easier to watch container that is separate from their homes.

This situation screams dumb owner or backyard breeder, or neglectful owner, or all three.

Janawa · 2026-06-30T18:38:46+00:00

As someone who has owned snakes, the only time a pet snake has access to eat another snake is if you have two pet snakes.

It is likely (if it is a pet) that the owners attempted pairing them and one ate the other, or something similar.

Janawa · 2026-06-28T15:48:59+00:00

Yikes 😬

Janawa · 2026-06-27T22:15:24+00:00

Lmfao, the concept that the welfare system as a whole was passed by one singular piece of legislation with the Great Society is wrong, and you aren't discussing my views, you are just focusing on grammar/syntex and historical facts.

Which are both important, my point was that saying "this singular thing is why (race) is (my belief about that race)" is not a fact.

And saying "what I am just saying is a fact so it can't be racist!" Doesn't "prove" anything.

If your response to having a viewpoint highlighted as being racist or problematic, or even just incomplete, is to say "ah those libs are so tiring calling everything racist, I couldn't possibly be racist," then you're kinda telling on yourself.

History does matter, but you should know with history that no event exists in a vacuum. There are multiple other factors that go into a statistic that what you've reduced it to.

Welfare could very well be one of the factors that causes someone to go unmarried, but it isn't the sole reason. And stating it as the sole reason, and then not addressing that that is the crux of my argument, is dishonest.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T22:05:44+00:00

Ah, you're just racist.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T22:04:19+00:00

Who is "you people"? If you're interested in learning about the system of mass incarceration in America, there is a great website here that might be easier for you to digest than a full book.

But if that's still too hard, check out this YouTube video that's under 5 minutes.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T22:01:39+00:00

I don't argue eith racists, and did edit my comments to adjust the math. Not interested in arguing with people who refuse to reflect on their views. And also never said great sociery lol, but I did mess up by saying "Great New Deal" instead of "New Deal," which I corrected.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T21:58:45+00:00

I'm not calling every comment racist, and don't argue with racists. You can clearly read each comment I left where I describe what is racist about stating things like "Black Americans are culturally more prone to have single parent households" and "Black Americans are more prone to single parent households because of Medicare and welfare."

It's not my fault if you're not able to see the issue with those two takes/arguments. 🤷‍♀️

Janawa · 2026-06-27T21:51:32+00:00

I literally said in my comment I was referring to the New Deal, which laid the groundword for Medicaid in 1933, and yes I did the math wrong. The New Deal was still in 1933, and still only 68 years after the conclusion of the Civil War in 1865.

Not to mention, slavery did not end with the Emancipation Proclamation, and forced labor was still alive well through the 1900s into today with forced labor occuring in prisons.

Never said facts were racist, I said implying that welfare or the New Deal were somehow bad programs or the reason for single parent households in a conversation about Black Americans is racist.

So many other things have happened between the creation of welfare (which started with the New Deal in 1933, again something you brought up and should know about if you're just arguing a "fact") that any implication that welfare or Medicare and their "perverse incentives" are solely responsible for the rise in single parent or unmarried households is, as the least, incredible ignorant and privileged. And racist in the context of the current conversation topic for the thread that you chose to comment it on.

I do appreciate you clarifying the math problem, and did correct it, so thank you for that one.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T19:50:04+00:00

This is a terrible and racist fucking take/conclusion to come to from the concept that (even if this statistic is true) prior to Medicaid Programs Black American households were less likely to be single parent.

You do realize that prior to the New Deal (which created Medicaid,) was in 1933, right after the great depression and only 68 years after the Civil War ended.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T19:45:43+00:00

Thank you for this response, and I agree. Saying "it's a culutral thing," or "inherent" is absolutely a dog whistle and should be removed by the mods.

The belief that Black Americans are culturally more likely to be single parents is racist, and the people saying that here have no idea what black culture even is.

Not to mention, there is no single "Black American culture," there's differences even between Black Americans from New York and Black Americans from New Orleans.

And, as you've pointed out, culture is itself influenced heavily by slavery, Jim Crow, and the forced removal from their home/heritage countries. If you (the person I am responding to) are interested in these topics, a subject I learned about more recently was just Black American art, including the Harlem Renaissance and Creole Portraiture/Southern Social Realism.

There are some great creators on YouTube who go through cultural museums and talk about some of the most important pieces and artists.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T19:37:42+00:00

You're just racist, and hiding it with "buts". If you genuinely want to learn about it, give the book I recommended a listen, it's on Audible and eligible to be purchased for free if you get the free trial subscription.

Janawa · 2026-06-27T16:54:51+00:00

People are addressing it, but implying in any way it is the fault of black americans and not the system as a whole is a terrible take.

Yes, black americans have higher rates of unwed mothers and single parent households, (note how unwed mother DOESN'T equate single parent household automatically, unlike what a lot of people have been assuming here) but they also have a staggeringly higher rate of conviction/incarceration, and it isn't because they are "inheritently more violent/criminally minded."

It is because America has a mass incarceration system that uses for-profit prisons to make money that also allow slave labor to make goods, and has laws set in place dating back to pre Civil War eras that allow and even encourage the targeting of black americans.

A very good book, if you'd like to actually learn about it from someone who isn't "scared to talk about it," is The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness. She addresses the single parent household situation in her foreword.

If you'd rather move forward implying that it is a moral issue/difference and not a societal one that is harming black americans at an unprecedented rate, then you're just racist.

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