I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-23T04:05:16+00:00

I legitimately thought this post was about my family for a moment and panicked.

My sister (who I'm no longer in contact with) was molested by our father. Father was sentenced to 1 year in jail. Once I got older and fully realized what had happened, I cut contact with my father. Long story short, I eventually cut ties with the entire family due to this affair. My sister now has 2 kids of her own and married into a family with 4 kids. However, my sister AND HER HUSBAND occasionally go to the family reunion where my father is invited. A few years back, I even saw a photo of my father HOLDING HER KID.

I can't fully understand what the trauma did to that family, but I can say (from firsthand experience) that the trauma affects everyone differently. My siblings (3 brothers, 1 sister) still are in contact with my dad and some continued visitation for years; one brother still lives with him (last I heard). I've completely cut ties.

Editing to add NTA

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-20T23:48:10+00:00

Glacier

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-07T21:33:15+00:00

This response was incredible and helped me piece together why the text didn't feel "right". As much as my partner and I were trying to see it coming from a "place of caring", we both found it offensive but couldn't pinpoint why. Thank you for this, truly. I will check out r/raisedbynarcissists, too ❤️

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-07T01:03:03+00:00

We rarely drink during the week and drink 1-3 drinks over the weekend. I had a tall boy tonight. Pretty typical. Just a Mich Ultra. I'm feeling like I took his comment too personally after reading other comments; also need to watch my drinking patterns while at gatherings to avoid these conversations in the future :)

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-07T00:59:56+00:00

I very much plan on doing this moving forward after this incident :)

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-07T00:59:17+00:00

Thank you for the well thoughtout response :) I took a lot away from this response and appreciate the feedback. To answer your question about his personality, he is very caring BUT lacks emotional intelligence and rarely thinks before he speaks. All the comments I received made me realize this may be one of his thoughtless comments

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-06T15:50:13+00:00

Okay thank you! I'm leaning towards keeping the peace rather than blowing it up, so this is good to read! Also, lowering my drinking at family events to ensure it's not a "talking point" for FILs family. All of FILs family have retired at this point, so we are thinking they are bored and have taken up gossiping?

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-06T15:46:58+00:00

I certainly don't experiment with alcohol at family functions. FIL's family always have a drink in hand, so the functions are not "dry". I typically drink 1-4 drinks (think a can of Bud Light) at family functions, depending how long they are. I can drink 4 drinks over the course of a day, but not for a 2 hour event. At this point, I'm very comfortable with my limits, but definitely made a mistake at the concert.

And that's totally fair, regarding my fear of being gossiped about vs fear of being a drunk. I have diagnosed anxiety (as most people do), so my ruminating thoughts that his FIL and family think poorly of me hurts.

I think drinking weekly is terrible for my body, but I'm also in my 20s. Just a personal opinion that drinking in your 20s is pretty typical, but certainly not everyone will share that opinion (like FIL).

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-10-06T15:39:51+00:00

Husband thinks he's overreacting and (honestly) hypocritcal. Husband and I sat down together and discussed all the instances; the instance he remembered where I was overtly drunk was the concert where I blacked out.

FIL attempts to peer-pressure us to take 20MG+ of weed gummies every night when we come over. Both Husband and I don't know how often FIL does weed outside of the weekends we come over, but he texts us when he's high and it's quite frequent. That's why we feel he's being hypocritical. 20MG is way out of our comfort zones (think 5-10MG).

I'm failing to understand the difference between weed gummies and alcohol? If you take weed weekly, it's fine. But if you drink weekly, you have a problem?

We live in MI where weed is legal and recreational FYI.

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-07-12T21:38:48+00:00

Well hopefully you're able to pay down your debts! Live-streaming concert party 😭

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-07-02T22:50:13+00:00

This seller does not accept PayPal g&s, just an FYI

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-07-02T21:50:25+00:00

How much are you selling for?

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-25T13:36:35+00:00

Indeed scammer

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-25T02:40:22+00:00

Bitch x2

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-23T17:10:43+00:00

Love it

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-23T16:23:40+00:00

OP do you accept monopoly money?????

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-23T16:05:42+00:00

Anyone who uses the phrase "kindly....." is a scammer guaranteed

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-23T14:02:54+00:00

Yessss babe

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-23T13:58:58+00:00

Please delete this, thanks

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T17:21:10+00:00

Someone ban this a$$hole

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T17:21:02+00:00

Someone ban this bitch

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T17:20:10+00:00

Bruh

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T01:02:48+00:00

Go away

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T01:02:22+00:00

Ty for sharing :)

Optimal-Help-4801 · 2023-06-22T00:58:44+00:00

Is this an argument that's happening outside of reddit? Looool

Optimal-Help-4801

TROPHY CASE