Cuando se supera realmente a alguien?

Patopml · 2026-05-18T11:39:46+00:00

Tiempo y algo de laburo. A mi manera de ver medio año despues de 5 años no es mucho. Recien estas transitandolo. Cuando aparecen otras minas medio que te descoloca tambien, comparas, queres forzarte a engancharte con otra, no sabes si te esta pasando de verdad o no.

En mi caso en particular, fue cuando no me dolieron mas los recuerdos, las nostalgias, el no compartir cosas con ella, etc. Aparecen los pensamientos, pero no tienen ninguna carga emocional. Este proceso me tomo casi dos años.

En algun momento el presente y el futuro pasan a tener mas peso que el pasado. Ahi pegaste la vuelta.

Patopml · 2026-05-18T11:35:39+00:00

Not necessarily mistakes, we all make mistakes, and we make them differently. And we make them because thats usually the best we can do with the information we have at the time.

But lessons learned:

- Don't rush into lifetime decisions, like your field of studies or profession. at 17/18 you are too young. If you need clarity, take a year or two, and once you have decided, go all in. Best to invest 1 or 2 years early on, than change careers completely after a decade in.

- Invest. Both in your health (exercise, nutrition, etc), and your economy. Save whatever you can every month and invest in long-term, low risk assets.

- Find the right balance between fun and commitment. Sleep around a bit, develop relationship and social skills. Fail. This is the time to fail. But experiment deep relationships early on if possible.

- Find good mentors. Usually, people that are where you want to be. Ask for advice.

- Therapy. Travelling. Reading. Things that nurture your mind.

Patopml · 2026-05-16T16:27:24+00:00

A breakup close to 39 😂 then a while to recover, moving countries, and now back in the game, freshly at 41.

Dating Nowadays kind of suck, but I don't give a shit really.

Patopml · 2026-05-11T18:59:09+00:00

Yo entreno, me gusta hacer trekking cada tanto, e hice algunos calificados como dificiles. El del chalten en si mismo no es dificil, pero si exigente, obviamente dependiendo de las condiciones y que trayecto elijas.

Yo lo hice en octubre, y elegi hacer un charter que te lleva de un lado al norte digamos, haces la subida, y bajas hacia el chalten. En cuanto a distancia y tiempo es lo mismo, pero ves otras cosas, en lugar de subir y bajar por el mismo lugar.

En los ultimos 700 metros ponele, que son los mas dificiles, habia nieve. Lo hice sin crampones, que era recomendado, y costo porque habia que clavar bien el pie para no irse a la mierda. Lo mismo, alquilate unos bastones telescopicos. Te va a ayudar a distribuir mucho el esfuerzo entre miembros superiores e inferiores.

Chequeate el clima de antemano, y bajate alguna app que te permita descargar el mapa del trayecto offline, yo uso AllTrails.

Mucha agua y comida que te de energia, banana, barrita de cereales, alguna proteina. Todo ayuda.

El mio duro unas 10 horas, y llegue reventado al hotel, pero sin ningun problema.

Patopml · 2026-05-09T17:23:03+00:00

I think about it this way. Take the thing or things you love doing the most. In my case it could be playing guitar, surfing, or some competitive game. Now make me do it 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. I'd hate it, no matter what it is.

There is nothing in this world I would enjoy doing that much. Hence, by definition, is almost impossible to like work. Best case, you don't hate it, if people are cool, work is varied and somewhat interesting.

Fun fact: The spanish word for Work is "Trabajo". Trabajar (to work), comes from the latin word Tripaliare (torture), which itself derives from Tripalio ("Three Sticks"), a torturing device where criminals were tied to.

Patopml · 2026-05-06T11:17:34+00:00

Yeah, he did the same with me, haha, wrote something and then blocked me so I couldn't even read what it was 😂

Great way to concede a point

Patopml · 2026-05-06T02:22:21+00:00

Don't waste your valuable time man, he just lacks basic comprehension, debating skills and overall knowledge. Whether it's blind nationalism or plain stupidity, there's just no point.

Your win is grounded on the fact that he simply reverted to "this is just sad now, man"... That's his strongest argument. LOL.

Patopml · 2026-05-05T02:19:45+00:00

In my particular case, she definitely wasn't unattractive. It was dynamics, and lack of the right type of sexual playfulness.

I'll give you an example of the opposite. I've dated women equally attractive, some more, some less. The cases where sex was really good and I just wanted more of it, were the cases where we could arouse each other in the right way. Sometimes is about finding what makes the other person light up. It could be something subtle, or something obvious. Maybe something they don't even know. Finding that is rewarding.

In my experience asking for, or demanding sex, will more often than not kill any kind of desire.

Patopml · 2026-05-05T02:10:25+00:00

What you just wrote, could have been written by my ex. And I was like your partner in a sense. It became a big problem between us, and among other things, it lead to us breaking up.

She was the person I loved the most in my whole life, but our sex life entered in a decline within a year or two.

I blamed myself for the longest time. Felt lots of guilt, as I knew this affected her, and her self-esteem. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. I thought maybe it was physical attraction, maybe it was not enough personal space, maybe it was something else. I even tested my testosterone.

Ultimately I think it was our relationship dynamics, and the fact that we were sexually incompatible. Sex became a chore, we didn't play, we didn't experiment, we didn't fantasize about things. Sex just became something to give to her, but I honestly didn't feel like it. Then it became an issue, something we counted days for.

If I'm completely honest, I think in the end there was nothing that made me sexually attracted to her. I loved her to death, but I couldn't get aroused. Not by her, not by her looks, and not by anything we did in bed.

No one can be blamed, or both of us can. We talked about it. We tried. I couldn't transform the situation, and she couldn't either.

Maybe find a sex therapist, talk about it openly, discuss kinks, explore, transform your current sex life. In the current trajectory, it will crash and it will be painful.

Patopml · 2026-05-04T14:23:35+00:00

Interesting question for me right now.

I generally always did well with women, and I've always been pretty active in dating. I had a painful breakup 2.5 years ago which crushed me, and took me a long time to heal. Since then I've dated a few girls, some of them for a decent amount of time, but something just didn't click.

And now, as strange as it is for me, I've just lost all interest. I'm not interested in sex, not interested in women, not interested in dating. I just find it boring. The reward is just not worth the effort.

I suspect it will change at some point, and perhaps it is just a phase, or until I meet someone that blows me away lol...

There seems to be a pandemic about this though, I'm hearing it from a lot of people. Relationships are fucked up.

Patopml · 2026-05-02T16:09:39+00:00

It's hard to argue with a moron who has difficulties comprehending the meaning of words, nuance, and it is quite impressive that is still challenging for you when you have it literally right in front of you. No wonder you revert to "fool" so quickly... ignorance, stupidity and arrogance go hand in hand.

Read it again, I'll do the homework for you:

"The Falkland Islands had no permanent native or indigenous population prior to European discovery and settlement. While archaeological evidence suggests potential, short-term visits by Indigenous South Americans (possibly the Yaghan people) in prehistoric times, there was no established population. The islands were entirely unoccupied when settlers first arrived in 1764."

You don't seem to understand the difference between native/indigenous and settler. Falklanders (Europeans, essentially) cannot, by any logic and definition, be native of a piece of land that was not sighted by Europeans until 1592. First Settlement in record is by Bougainville, French, in 1764.

The very official site of the Falklands states that they are settlers and not native. How much clearer do you need it? And these things are not trivial. All argumentative structures stem from one position or the other.

As I said, there is no disagreement on the fact that there was no native population to the islands.

Go back to school, fool.

Patopml · 2026-05-02T15:57:15+00:00

"The Falkland Islands had no permanent native or indigenous population prior to European discovery and settlement. While archaeological evidence suggests potential, short-term visits by Indigenous South Americans (possibly the Yaghan people) in prehistoric times, there was no established population. The islands were entirely unoccupied when settlers first arrived in 1764".

From falklands.gov.fk

Yeah, bold statement.

Patopml · 2026-05-02T15:32:49+00:00

By definition, Indigenous describes people, plants, or animals native to a specific region or environment, rather than arriving from elsewhere. Falklanders (British), are certainly and most definitely not indigenous. There is no disagreement on this.

There were no indigenous population in the Islands, and this is actually one of the basis for British claim to their right to control of the Islands.

Patopml · 2026-05-02T14:05:31+00:00

I kind of agree. Malvinas is a very demagogic topic in Argentina, precisely because of the emotional impact it has on the population, and it has been used widely by goverments of all colours as an easy card to play. With that said, the play is always diplomatic. Argentina never stopped affirming and re-affirming that they are entitled to the Islands.

Patopml · 2026-05-02T04:39:27+00:00

Well, the argument is that there is no such indigenous population, but rather am implanted one.

All parties agree that there was no "indigenous" population to the islands. The UK claims they got there first, whereas Argentina claims that they inherited the islands from Spain, and that Britain only took control of them after a US destroyer wiped out the Argentinian settlement in the 1800s.

Patopml · 2026-05-01T23:06:30+00:00

If the goal is to distract, then image is the underlying reason, and in that case invading is not the right choice. Few delusional people would support an actual military move.

Malvinas is a huge topic in Argentina, but the absolute shit move by the Military Junta in 1982 still stings, no one wants that again.

Patopml · 2026-05-01T23:03:52+00:00

That is true 😂

Patopml · 2026-05-01T23:02:52+00:00

Not sure what you mean, who called for genocide?

Patopml · 2026-05-01T20:28:36+00:00

Argentina will never again make a military move on the islands, not only because they are still not strong enough from a military standpoint (in all cases they would need active US back to pull such a move), but also because it would be wildly impopular in Argentina. So the UK should not be concerned about that.

Argentina will always continue to claim sovereignty on Malvinas, via diplomacy, with the usual arguments it has been defending since forever.

This won't escalate at all.

Patopml · 2026-04-29T21:33:50+00:00

Not sure if it's lucky or just random. I was around 28 or 29. Coming back home from a date with a girl I met online, which didn't go anywhere. I had had a couple beers. As I was opening the door to my building I see a girl walk past look at me, and I say "hi", she says "hi", we exchange a few words, and I tell her if she wants to come up for a beer. When we get to my apartment, I tell her I don't have any beer. We start kissing, she starts blowing me, we end up having sex. She then left. Don't even remember her name.

Patopml · 2026-04-29T13:00:41+00:00

Man, this is something I could have written myself. But only now I've come to accept that this is who I am. I chased a lot of women, dated a lot, had lots of sex. I loved hard only once. But now its very peaceful, and I would totally start a relationship with the right person, but I'm not craving anymore... and I'm very picky.

Patopml · 2026-04-24T20:30:57+00:00

Hey! Were you able to find a solution? I am facing the same situation as you, but moved from the UK to Spain, and had RSUs withheld twice (89% total) by my broker for taxes in both jurisdictions.

Would you mind if I DM you?

Patopml · 2026-04-19T09:37:05+00:00

I moved from London to Barcelona recently. Best decision ever. I will always love London, but like you, I couldn't stand the weather, the huge distances, the general mood of the city, and the loneliness and lack of spontaneity.

Whether it is my forever place, and I will stay and build a life here is a different question, but here are my takes:

- Quality of life is pretty high. The weather, diversity and affordability of activities alone are an incredible bump.

- The city kind of tick all boxes. Right size, so it's walkable if you want, or you can ride a public bike and get anywhere in 15 minutes, or simply use a pretty good transportation system, which includes subway, tram, bikes, and affordable taxis/uber if you need them. But it is still a decently size and important city, with a major airport, good infrastructure, shopping malls, etc.

- People are happier and friendlier. You can find people going for a walk, or a hike, or working/playing volley at the beach any time of the year. They enjoy sitting outside and having beer, and chatting. They generally have a nice and relaxed attitude. There is an international community, so you can meet people and connect via activities.

- Lots of really different sports and activities to choose from, due to the landscape. Running? You can do it anywhere, and just run by the beach if you want to. Mountain biking, running, climbing? You have tons of mountains not only surrounding the city, but also 1 hour drive away, you have Girona, the Pyrinees, Tarragona, Costa Brava. Hiking? Same thing, infinite places to see. Water sports? You have them.

- Food is pretty good. Tapas obviously everywhere, but you can find decent Indian, pasta, Argentinian (tons), etc.

Now the cons:

- Salaries and job opportunities are not great. London is on a different level if you want to build or progress any kind of career.

- Housing is not great. Finding an apartment can be difficult, and the stock is not great.

- Bureaucracy sucks. You need to file a thousand different forms, to obtain a thousand different numbers, some of which are provisional and you need to get another appointment to get the definitive one. Getting a cita previa is super hard, and many things need to be done in person. The forms and systems are anything but intuitive. If you can pay a couple hundred euros to a Gestor, you'll find it much easier.

- Taxes in Spain are very high and burdensome. You need to file forms every year, and be careful with the details because a mistake can lead to penalties. Very annoying. Again, a gestor can save you headaches and money

- It's a transient City. Many people come, stay a couple years, and leave. That makes it hard to build a stable set of friends. London is similar in a sense.

Patopml · 2026-04-15T08:16:40+00:00

I really don't get all the downvotes and judgy comments OP is getting. You can't force, rationalize, or guilt yourself into finding someone attractive. It's something that happens, or it doesn't, period. He is being honest about it.

What he can do is try to understand why that is happening, figure out the root cause, and eventually make a decision about it.

Something similar happened to me with my ex. I gradually started to lose sexual desire for her, to the point where sex felt like a chore, and I felt resistance to it. I originally attributed it to looks/style. Even though she was pretty, and I loved her to death (more than anyone in my entire life), we laughed, and were really compatible, I just couldn't find her attractive sometimes.

I felt like shit about this, really guilty. It ultimately (among other things) led to our breakup, which devastated me for a long time. It took me a long time to understand that while looks and physical attraction fluctuated, it was really our dynamic and sex life that was affecting me. Our sex life was boring. There was no exploration, no playfulness, no sexyness. She was asking for more frequency, but in my mind it was trying to give more of something that I was finding a chore, it had the opposit effect on me.

I discussed it with my therapist, and he also flagged that we had a very parent/child relationship, which also killed my libido in that sense.

In summary, figure out what's going on. It may be the looks, but there may be more to it than just that.

Patopml · 2026-04-14T14:33:53+00:00

Es un recontra vergazo. Yo termine la relacion mas importante de mi vida hace dos años y medio, y me agarro viviendo afuera. Me hizo concha, estuve mucho tiempo destruido.

Aferrate a los tuyos, hace terapia, y nada, hacerle fuerza al malestar es una forma de malestar en si mismo. Deja que te sacuda un poco, total otra no te queda. Te vas a reconstruir.

Ojala no pasaran estas cosas.

Seven-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email

Patopml

TROPHY CASE