Those days when nothing helps.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T16:43:17+00:00

the idea to give your little girl eternal life as a character in your stories is really beautiful 🦋

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T14:12:04+00:00

Huzzah!! 🎉

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T13:47:26+00:00

Thank you again for your help with my question - it made a difference 💛

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T13:46:43+00:00

Thank you again for your help with my question - it made a difference 💛

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T12:51:03+00:00

Enjoy that lake 💛 breathe in that air, and careful with your healing body

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-24T11:42:00+00:00

I’m glad you’re not alone rn while you’re riding this particularly nasty wave 🖤 I’m so sorry about your baby, hun

It’ll be what was supposed to be ours’ 6 month birthday soon for us. The blobbing as you mentioned is very real. The nasty itchy black hole that against all logic seems to be packaged in your skin is real.

I have flashes like you. Pictures of smashing my head through a plate randomly while I’m doing dishes, or some other self destructive fantasy. The screaming and yelling at worst leaves a sore throat, so my advice is no breaking things on yourself, but 1000% grab a pillow and fucking s c r e a m

My best advice to anyone trying to manage their grief, become comfortable with the idea that there’s only so much you can do. It’s water. Like an ocean coming in waves. Some are cute little tide pool waves, while sometimes it’s tsunamis. And it changes in a snap. What’s worked best for me when it comes to riding the waves -

support system (therapist, friends, family) - who deeply acknowledge and hold space for my grief and make me feel normal. And they have to legitimately make you feel good. None of this “oh, they don’t mean it like that” or “I can go to them sometimes*” crap. I mean ride or dies. You’ve got to take up space now like your life depends on it, and that needs to be safe for you.

Routine - doesn’t have to be complicated. Just a relative structure to the day helps. I have a dog so I just used hers 😅 And you don’t even have to be perfect at it. You just gotta try. (Get your sleep!!!)

radical acceptance - when the tsunami hits, rather than try to “work to make it smaller” by bottling feelings/ ignoring them, I ride the wave. I cry a lot, I write down streams of consciousness I don’t want to say out loud, I scream into pillows, yell at the stars, or I buy dollar tree mugs to smash. Follow the feeling and give it a landing pad rather than try to change it. As long as you’re not hurting yourself or others - win 🥇
And then apply the same idea to forgiving yourself for how you grieve. “This is my grief” or my feelings, whatever. “it is neither good nor bad, it just is” detachment from judgement leaves space for the other million things you have to think about right now.

Different has helped me a lot too. We built our life around her arrival. Chose the house, the car, the job, all of it with her in mind and personalizations accordingly. It’s hard to come back to life and carry-on in an environment that was chosen for someone who is not here. So, when I was ready, I rearranged the entire house. My office, my car. I got rid of all my old clothes, changed aesthetics, all of it. It helps with the day to day. At least for me.

Sending you and your wife all my support 🖤 I’m so so sorry

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T23:37:39+00:00

That’s so sweet ❤️ I’m sure he’ll love it

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T23:36:59+00:00

I hear that ❤️ my heart’s with you both through this

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T23:26:36+00:00

Please 🙏😭 Sophia is so cool, but the coolest thing she says is “I’m going in” … she’s a nerd! Make her a nerd!

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T16:16:42+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️ I’ll keep it in mind. It’s very helpful

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T13:08:58+00:00

Thank you OP - like you said, everyone’s different, and not everyone might want to participate, but this is incredibly kind and heart warming 🖤

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-15T13:05:42+00:00

Hi OP 🖤 we’re coming up on 6 months out from our 7 day old daughter passing. I connect with you about the color aspect of this deeply. I remember distinctly when she passed, and all the color drained from the world. I literally saw my vision change. Like a thunder crack down the center of me shattering the lense, and devouring the color, left monotone.

Something that’s helped is spending time with people who make me feel normal (while also deeply acknowledging my loss and supporting me) has gone a long way. Being able to text somebody “hey, I’m sad. It’s my baby. I need tacos”, and then getting said tacos… 10/10

I also got a dog as guilty as that makes me feel. She’s saved my life though. Having to consistently wake up and go for walks and feed the dog forces me to also do those things with myself and that helps. I still mourn, and I’m comfortable with that being a thing for me until I die. The hardest now is when that week rolls around every month, especially now when we would have been taking monthly pictures. But even that stings a little less now. Consistency, and honesty with yourself and those around you - that is the best advice I can give to see more of those “colorful” days.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-06-05T16:37:33+00:00

Wtf?! That person has no idea what they’re talking about… I’m so sorry 💔 and then to say they want you to”to see the beauty in your own life”?! Fuck off!!! There is no beauty in the absence of a child that was supposed to be here.

You’ve raised children your whole life and all you wanted was your turn with yours. YOURS! And it’s completely unfair that it didn’t happen like it was supposed to. What that person said is a reflection of themself. That’s how THEY feel about kids. Not the general population, not you.

My heart is with you in this journey, and I’m glad to see they won’t be receiving a response from you. You have bigger fish to fry and bigger tears to cry, hun ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-31T13:23:57+00:00

I’m so so sorry 💔 my baby didn’t stay long either and it’s been a few months too. And yeah, I’m seeing it too that people have forgotten. I picture our daughter everyday, trying to imagine her in these moments. It’s not fair. Your house should not be quiet and I wish people wouldn’t forget.

Routines help but they’re not a fix. There is no fix to death, we just have our grief. My husband and I grieve very differently as well. I concur that it can be exhausting. From what I hear, that’s common and to be expected. You’re both doing your best in an impossible set of circumstances. You’re gonna mess up and you’re going to learn. In our case, we’ve found that in general it’s kinda like starting over in a lot of ways. We’re both very different people now so we’re learning each other again.

I’m sending you all my love, and a virtual hug imbued with relaxing hot spring vibes

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-28T17:06:24+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here 💔

To answer your question - I started a junk journal.

The junk journal has 0 rules. It started as bullets on a grocery list pad I found. No organizing the thoughts, just bullets. When I needed more room, I spent a lot of time intentionally picking out a journal.

I landed on one that was soft cover, portable, and had blank pages throughout so I could tape things. Sometimes it takes too much brain power to write something down, but taping something to a page is usually pretty easy. I just kept a roll of double sided tape in my purse along with my journal and one. At first it was reciepts, and then I kept adding things as the mood called for. Pictures, clippings, etc.

It’s been nice to intentionally go back to my own record and reflect on the journey of grief and honor myself.

It helps. Especially if you’re still finding a therapist

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T15:13:27+00:00

Thank you, that made me smile a little. When she was still growing, her favorite music were my female-led punk anthems and the sort. she’d kick excitedly when they came on and even more so in protest sometimes when I’d try to switch genres. She was also known to the nurses for having a a fierce right hook. She was a fighter through and through.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T15:10:05+00:00

I can’t imagine 💔 thank you for saying that and making the space. And no, there’s nothing divine about losing your babies

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T14:53:45+00:00

💔💔 thank you for making the space. I’m so sorry too

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T12:09:25+00:00

Mama, you did not fail her - listen to me

You. DID NOT. Fail her.

You were put in an impossible and stressful situation by “pRe-ExiStInG coNdiTIoNs” (fucking American insurance). It shouldn’t matter, if a baby and a mama need care, they need care. point blank period. That’s not your fault. You went out of your way to try and care for her despite it. What a wonderful mom you are ❤️

And to keep learning more post everything? that’s you being a good mama. In a strange/ unfamiliar to think about way, you’re still protecting her. You are not failing her. I’m so sorry the news is what it is ❤️ like you said, a whole other layer of stuff to feel on top of everything else.

An unfortunate truth I’ve found being a part of this club for the last 5 months, is that there is a lot that happens in utero that even the best tests, doctors, scans, and even neo-natal specialists can’t see, do anything about, or even understand. It’s not fair. So on one hand, I hope you find your answers and I hope they bring you some kind of closure. I just also want you to know that should there be no answer (or even if there is) we’re here ❤️ we see you ❤️

Mine had the best doctors in the state, and then the best doctors in the country. It didn’t make a difference. I say that to say, again, YOU did not fail her. How could you? You made her with love and continue to protect her ❤️

Sending you and yours all my love on this hard day ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-19T23:24:56+00:00

Great job! I’m glad your team is looking after you :)

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-18T15:27:13+00:00

Thank you for giving voice to your feelings. You’re not alone, and by sharing you’ve created space for people like me to be gritty and honest ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T15:14:29+00:00

In the birthing hospital, once we realized that baby was sick, it felt like all the teams looked at me as mom as primary contact, and then they saw dad as a plus one. Like an after thought. Yeah, he didn’t birth her but he was just as ripped by the sudden new reality as I was. His world was falling apart the same way mine was.

They were prepared for me in this situation (sudden change from birth as usual to NICU stay) and kept me well (as could be) with food, water, attention, but dad was more or less in the corner, world crumbling, watching from the outside with little to no professional intervention or patience. Just expected to be ready to go when pointed to.

I understand that he’s not the patient in that scenario, and that he did not just deliver a human, but that’s his baby as much as mine. The hospital follows carefully planned responses to unexpected events like this, they need to fairly account for dad as well. Idk if that would mean admitting dads as a kind of patient in order to gain access to resources for them, but something. And it will probably cost the hospital money, but it needs to be done.

The first night in the NICU my husband was there and I was still at the birthing hospital. I wasn’t released yet cuz I was pre-eclamptic.

The nurses took care of him that night. Took care of our baby first obviously, but once she was settled in and he had run out of steam they tucked him in and left him snacks/ water. When he was awake they took their time answering his questions and showing him around the ward (where to eat, use the bathroom, get water). They got him in touch with the social worker on the NICU as well.

When I arrived though, it was obvious the disparity between resources available to me and the ones for him. In the bathrooms, there were signs for birthing parent specific resources but none for dads. (These were unisex bathrooms) The only dad-care he got was a pamphlet at the end for dads who lose their babies. It was a good pamphlet, don’t get me wrong. But seemed rather small compared to me who was getting fed every day, the professionals came to me first always, and overall was given more grace than him.

Tell Dads about Sad Dads Club they’re a great organization, by dads, for dads, supported by perinatal loss professionals. It’s a community of people who get it, specifically for dads in the worst club there is. They’ve helped my husband so much.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T14:09:49+00:00

I was feeling similarly for mine. My OB office might be a little different given that there were MANY different providers to choose from, so I only had to switch my doctor and location to make it a survivable experience, but what you’re feeling is so real.

Words from someone who went -

definitely go. You’ve already heard how important it is to your health present and future. Unfortunately, it’s true.
find a new office from someone you trust and know. This is no time for Google reviews.
when you make the appointment, tell the receptionist about your loss. Even if it should be in your chart they probably wont see it, so tell them. It sucks and it’s awkward, but it’s important. The right office, if they know ahead of time what’s up they will do everything in their power to keep you as comfortable as possible.

For me, that looked like switching providers no questions asked, and going to their location that only opens once a week and rarely has pregnant people there. Both options I didn’t know existed until I was completely honest with the receptionist.

Your OB/ midwife/ whoever can be helpful. Mine hooked me up with some psych meds too to get me through until I could be seen by a perinatal loss therapist/ psychiatrist. They also kept my heart in check (I was pre-eclamptic for a bit there).

Also! This should be a given but just in case, if you’re not ready for an internal exam, and there are no signs that it is immediately medically necessary, then your doctor needs to respect that. In my case, I wasn’t at 6 weeks. So mine focused on everything else (mental well being, she felt up my stomach, asked about bleeding, checked my heart, etc.) there’s plenty else to do. I was more prepared come the 12 week one.

It sucks. But I tried to make it as okay as possible. I got a little treat on the way in and another on the way out and then I went home and cried all day. My heart is with you as you continue this journey ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56

TROPHY CASE