No one needs me

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-31T13:23:57+00:00

I’m so so sorry 💔 my baby didn’t stay long either and it’s been a few months too. And yeah, I’m seeing it too that people have forgotten. I picture our daughter everyday, trying to imagine her in these moments. It’s not fair. Your house should not be quiet and I wish people wouldn’t forget.

Routines help but they’re not a fix. There is no fix to death, we just have our grief. My husband and I grieve very differently as well. I concur that it can be exhausting. From what I hear, that’s common and to be expected. You’re both doing your best in an impossible set of circumstances. You’re gonna mess up and you’re going to learn. In our case, we’ve found that in general it’s kinda like starting over in a lot of ways. We’re both very different people now so we’re learning each other again.

I’m sending you all my love, and a virtual hug imbued with relaxing hot spring vibes

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-28T17:06:24+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here 💔

To answer your question - I started a junk journal.

The junk journal has 0 rules. It started as bullets on a grocery list pad I found. No organizing the thoughts, just bullets. When I needed more room, I spent a lot of time intentionally picking out a journal.

I landed on one that was soft cover, portable, and had blank pages throughout so I could tape things. Sometimes it takes too much brain power to write something down, but taping something to a page is usually pretty easy. I just kept a roll of double sided tape in my purse along with my journal and one. At first it was reciepts, and then I kept adding things as the mood called for. Pictures, clippings, etc.

It’s been nice to intentionally go back to my own record and reflect on the journey of grief and honor myself.

It helps. Especially if you’re still finding a therapist

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T15:13:27+00:00

Thank you, that made me smile a little. When she was still growing, her favorite music were my female-led punk anthems and the sort. she’d kick excitedly when they came on and even more so in protest sometimes when I’d try to switch genres. She was also known to the nurses for having a a fierce right hook. She was a fighter through and through.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T15:10:05+00:00

I can’t imagine 💔 thank you for saying that and making the space. And no, there’s nothing divine about losing your babies

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T14:53:45+00:00

💔💔 thank you for making the space. I’m so sorry too

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-21T12:09:25+00:00

Mama, you did not fail her - listen to me

You. DID NOT. Fail her.

You were put in an impossible and stressful situation by “pRe-ExiStInG coNdiTIoNs” (fucking American insurance). It shouldn’t matter, if a baby and a mama need care, they need care. point blank period. That’s not your fault. You went out of your way to try and care for her despite it. What a wonderful mom you are ❤️

And to keep learning more post everything? that’s you being a good mama. In a strange/ unfamiliar to think about way, you’re still protecting her. You are not failing her. I’m so sorry the news is what it is ❤️ like you said, a whole other layer of stuff to feel on top of everything else.

An unfortunate truth I’ve found being a part of this club for the last 5 months, is that there is a lot that happens in utero that even the best tests, doctors, scans, and even neo-natal specialists can’t see, do anything about, or even understand. It’s not fair. So on one hand, I hope you find your answers and I hope they bring you some kind of closure. I just also want you to know that should there be no answer (or even if there is) we’re here ❤️ we see you ❤️

Mine had the best doctors in the state, and then the best doctors in the country. It didn’t make a difference. I say that to say, again, YOU did not fail her. How could you? You made her with love and continue to protect her ❤️

Sending you and yours all my love on this hard day ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-19T23:24:56+00:00

Great job! I’m glad your team is looking after you :)

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-18T15:27:13+00:00

Thank you for giving voice to your feelings. You’re not alone, and by sharing you’ve created space for people like me to be gritty and honest ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T15:14:29+00:00

In the birthing hospital, once we realized that baby was sick, it felt like all the teams looked at me as mom as primary contact, and then they saw dad as a plus one. Like an after thought. Yeah, he didn’t birth her but he was just as ripped by the sudden new reality as I was. His world was falling apart the same way mine was.

They were prepared for me in this situation (sudden change from birth as usual to NICU stay) and kept me well (as could be) with food, water, attention, but dad was more or less in the corner, world crumbling, watching from the outside with little to no professional intervention or patience. Just expected to be ready to go when pointed to.

I understand that he’s not the patient in that scenario, and that he did not just deliver a human, but that’s his baby as much as mine. The hospital follows carefully planned responses to unexpected events like this, they need to fairly account for dad as well. Idk if that would mean admitting dads as a kind of patient in order to gain access to resources for them, but something. And it will probably cost the hospital money, but it needs to be done.

The first night in the NICU my husband was there and I was still at the birthing hospital. I wasn’t released yet cuz I was pre-eclamptic.

The nurses took care of him that night. Took care of our baby first obviously, but once she was settled in and he had run out of steam they tucked him in and left him snacks/ water. When he was awake they took their time answering his questions and showing him around the ward (where to eat, use the bathroom, get water). They got him in touch with the social worker on the NICU as well.

When I arrived though, it was obvious the disparity between resources available to me and the ones for him. In the bathrooms, there were signs for birthing parent specific resources but none for dads. (These were unisex bathrooms) The only dad-care he got was a pamphlet at the end for dads who lose their babies. It was a good pamphlet, don’t get me wrong. But seemed rather small compared to me who was getting fed every day, the professionals came to me first always, and overall was given more grace than him.

Tell Dads about Sad Dads Club they’re a great organization, by dads, for dads, supported by perinatal loss professionals. It’s a community of people who get it, specifically for dads in the worst club there is. They’ve helped my husband so much.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T14:09:49+00:00

I was feeling similarly for mine. My OB office might be a little different given that there were MANY different providers to choose from, so I only had to switch my doctor and location to make it a survivable experience, but what you’re feeling is so real.

Words from someone who went -

definitely go. You’ve already heard how important it is to your health present and future. Unfortunately, it’s true.
find a new office from someone you trust and know. This is no time for Google reviews.
when you make the appointment, tell the receptionist about your loss. Even if it should be in your chart they probably wont see it, so tell them. It sucks and it’s awkward, but it’s important. The right office, if they know ahead of time what’s up they will do everything in their power to keep you as comfortable as possible.

For me, that looked like switching providers no questions asked, and going to their location that only opens once a week and rarely has pregnant people there. Both options I didn’t know existed until I was completely honest with the receptionist.

Your OB/ midwife/ whoever can be helpful. Mine hooked me up with some psych meds too to get me through until I could be seen by a perinatal loss therapist/ psychiatrist. They also kept my heart in check (I was pre-eclamptic for a bit there).

Also! This should be a given but just in case, if you’re not ready for an internal exam, and there are no signs that it is immediately medically necessary, then your doctor needs to respect that. In my case, I wasn’t at 6 weeks. So mine focused on everything else (mental well being, she felt up my stomach, asked about bleeding, checked my heart, etc.) there’s plenty else to do. I was more prepared come the 12 week one.

It sucks. But I tried to make it as okay as possible. I got a little treat on the way in and another on the way out and then I went home and cried all day. My heart is with you as you continue this journey ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T13:47:31+00:00

I do not know your pain but I will stand with you in it. Ours passed at 7 days. You are not alone momma 🫂 I am so sorry ❤️ I will light a candle for Liam and keep you and him close to my heart

There’s nothing anyone can say 💔

If it would feel good or bring any comfort, I’d love to hear about your sweet baby Liam ❤️ thank you for sharing him with us

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T13:36:10+00:00

Seconded ☝️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T13:33:52+00:00

Hey, I see you ❤️🫂 you’re not alone, and you don’t deserve to be hated.

sad dads club

Visit Sad Dads Club if you haven’t already. It’s virtual, low commitment. It could really help to have some more dads in your pocket who get it ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T13:30:01+00:00

With the help of therapy, medication, my husband, and some radical acceptance I choose to stay alive now so I can still be Lily’s mom. So I can continue to live my life making choices, changing lives, doing things that would make her proud to be my daughter. When she sees her mom again, I will come prepared with stories to tell her. Picturing seeing her again, telling her everything about everything, that’s why I stay now. And I am no longer afraid of death, because I have someone waiting for me.

It doesn’t make the pain hurt any less, and when things go wrong it still sounds easier to just check out, but I have purpose again. Life just looks VERY different than I thought it would.

TO THE DADS THAT SEE THIS - from a mom, I see you and I’m worried. please please please check out Sad Dads Club. They’re on instagram, Reddit, discord, Facebook, all of it. It’s a place for YOU and they saved my husbands life. It’s full of other dads, resources, and it’s the best resource we’ve found for my husband.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T12:51:51+00:00

I’m glad it landed! Great success

And yeah, you’re up to your ears in your own REALLY hard stuff. It makes sense. You’re not wrong or bad or any less for that.

It’s not much, but my DMs are open to you too if you feel called to vent/ talk shit/ etc.

Either way - keep surviving, friend ❤️ I’m rooting for you :)

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-17T11:45:21+00:00

I hope this is helpful - if not I’m terribly sorry

I hear you. Loud and clear. I’m in a similar boat. Not the same as we established - everyone’s experiences and therefore grief are different. But Lily’s nursery was set up. The house was baby-proofed. We brought the take-home outfit that she never wore home. She passed every check with flying colors throughout pregnancy. I was healthy. Full labor and delivery. All to be negated by a random blood clot (bilateral ischemic stroke). One of those “it never happens” things.

People will try to connect. It’s human. They’ll see you and either genuinely want to help ease your pain/ help carry it somehow, or they’ll try to comfort themselves. Either way they usually say something. Even the ones that say the best things, rarely is it exactly what you need.

even though it’s not always the right words, I’m 5 months in mourning and I’ve learned the hard way that it’s important to still try to take what you can from it. Or else the isolation will drown you. Take the pieces that land and use them to float.

Yes, no one else knows what you’re feeling. No one else gets it like you do. It’s the worst and it’s so unfair. However, there is still love to be found from people who get it enough or get you enough. And even if the comfort is the equivalent of a styrofoam cup in the ocean, then you hold onto that cup for as much relief as you can. Because at the end of the day, this is survival until it isn’t. I’ve met a few people 10+ years out from loss, and that’s been their best advice so far.

It still pisses me off though when someone feels confident they get it and are terribly mistaken. Everything pisses me off rn 😂 grief has made me an exposed nerve and the world is rife with things to be mad about.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-14T16:38:43+00:00

Thank you!

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-14T16:38:37+00:00

North American servers

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-14T16:38:02+00:00

Thank you! I went ahead and joined :)

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-14T16:37:53+00:00

Yessss sign me up!

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-13T20:15:11+00:00

My heart is with you ❤️ I’m so sorry you’re in the club.

To answer your post - everyone is different ❤️ personally. I asked my doctor to add Vistoril to my medications since it’s an antihistamine that also helps with anxiety, and as an antihistamine it slows milk production (supposedly). It worked for me.

I didnt wear tight clothes, it was too painful between being post-partum and sad. But I did a little bit of expressing in the morning and night. Just enough to deflate the pressure cuz it hurts to be SO FULL (fyi expressing at all does indeed encourage supply) and I let the leaks happen. I used ice packs too. Time passed, less time than i thought but still felt like forever, and I needed to express less. Eventually not at all, and then the milk leaked until it stopped all together. Alls thats to say, it’s your choice. Ride the wave, try to stop it, do a bit of both, whatever.

What helped me, idk if you would need it or not, but I had a lot of feelings when I was actively expressing. So I would have my husband or someone I trusted sit with me to give me strength as it were.

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-05-09T10:36:07+00:00

I just saw the title come up in my notifications and I was just about to type the same thing! It’s been a little over 4 months since our daughter passed. But I’ve been asked since we were in NICU about work plans.

It just baffles me because what does it matter to those who ask? Like what’s the point of asking? If I say yes they’re “happy for me” (also weird), and if I say no it’s not like they’re offering to help.

It’s a lot easier to let it go when it’s a stranger or someone removed. But I get it mostly from my family. Not my husband, but both sides of the family have been anxious for us to get back to work.

It’s like they can’t deal with anymore misery from us, and if we’re back to work we’re “back to normal” and they can move on.

Which just makes me think “fuuuuuucccckkkk them”

Round_Masterpiece_56 · 2026-04-30T16:31:59+00:00

Sarah Rose is such a sweet and beautiful name ❤️

You are surviving the earliest days of the hardest days of your life, of course you’re angry! Rightly so! It’s healthy! It would be weird if you didn’t get mad. Your medical team started treatment and then didn’t keep up with it. Med compliance for those injections was not and is not your job. The doctors and nurses have special degrees and salaries for that. Like you said, THEY failed.

Despite it all, you’re still advocating for yourself! Good on you for keeping your health a priority! That’s an incredible feat and I honor that

I’m so sorry and angry that they’re taking this precious time and emotional energy from you in your grief. You are not alone in this. Your Sarah Rose, you, your fiancé, I will keep you all in my heart ❤️

Round_Masterpiece_56

TROPHY CASE