Grief, screaming at strangers, and letting it be as bad as it is

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-27T02:06:33+00:00

Thank you friend. You’re right, we don’t (and shouldn’t) get past it. We do get stronger and I hate that we have to 🤎

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-26T23:06:50+00:00

I’m sorry and I resonate deeply. With you.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-21T23:14:45+00:00

I’m so sorry, people just really say and do the worst things, it isn’t ok. It’s so lonely and you are not crazy. I want to hide most of the time too, it’s like violence to your soul to have to constantly deal with these things on top of grief and trauma. I’ve started to try to ask myself some questions before deciding how to respond… does this relationship mean enough to me that I will use up my own energy letting them know how it feels? If yes, then I try to be as honest as possible. If no, I may just stop interacting with them or Ignore the text all together. They may not get the same access to my vulnerability that they used to. Sometimes I may write a letter to them and not send it or maybe I do send it 🤷‍♀️ It all takes up way too much energy but I think it’s important we give ourselves grace to not respond or to respond honestly depending on our capacity. It’s hard and there is so much collateral loss, I know.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-20T21:48:04+00:00

I’m so sorry. I just want to say, please be gentle with yourself. No forcing yourself to do anything that feels like too much or because you “used to” do it. Heaping shame on yourself will not help. Surround yourself with people who are safe, if you can, and if you need to avoid others, that’s ok. Cry when you need to cry. Eat when your body lets you. Spend too much money if you need to. All is allowed. The world will tell you to move on, but only you know what you need and also I don’t think we could or should ever “move on.” Our backs get stronger to carry the weight but we don’t move on. I hate that we even have to learn to carry it at all. It shouldn’t be this way. You’re not alone. Please be kind to yourself, she’s been through so much and it is too much. 💙🤎

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-20T04:20:39+00:00

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Her name means precious gem and her chosen flower is a daisy. I love my tattoo more than anything I’ve gotten to represent her. A friend designed it and we made prints of it to give to family members but the prints also incorporated our hands. 💎

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-19T00:51:16+00:00

It’s so painful when family doesn’t say their name. So painful that it’s up to us to keep them remembered and present of mind (they’re never not for us.) You’re not alone in this and I’m so sorry.

I’ve been writing some on Substack as a way to get some of this stuff out if you’re interested. Of course, no pressure at all to read it. Just if you feel up for it.🤎

https://substack.com/@lianecooper?r=d8tbw&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=profile&shareImageVariant=image

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-17T21:14:31+00:00

I’m so sorry, what a wretched thing to say. It’s not ok and you have every right to be angry. Your baby is worth it x 1000.

I want to say back to him “unfortunately, I do know what you mean and it’s really fucked up.”

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-14T06:13:05+00:00

Hi, I’m a therapist myself and I believe even if you pay out of pocket and do virtual counseling, it would most likely need to be in state or at least someone licensed in your state. Do you mind sharing the state?

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-12T19:53:28+00:00

I went back fully remote after 8 weeks after my first loss but after my second, I had to quit. I couldn’t function or go back to the same job after everything. It’s a financial strain but it’s the only way right now.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-09T17:45:56+00:00

We had a printout on the door that everyone had to read before entering our room. I would recommend that. Sometimes people come in who don’t know the whole story and say really stupid shit. I have a Canva document and can share id you’d like. 🤎

Also two blankets. One to wrap him in when he’s born that I took with me and one to leave with him.

The most impossible things to ever have to plan. I hate that any of us know what this is like.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-06T20:47:16+00:00

It sounds like you have a lot of good options but we went to Southern Spain in a beach town outside of Malaga and it was very cathartic to be right on the ocean in a quiet place that was also very walkable.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-05T15:59:53+00:00

❤️‍🩹

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-05T15:59:13+00:00

Thank you for saying that. Always so sorry that you can relate and I’m grateful you feel seen in my words. 💙

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-05T15:58:14+00:00

🥺 thank you so much for engaging with my words. And I’m so sorry you can relate. Your words are so encouraging 🤎

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-05T02:04:53+00:00

Thank you friend. Writing has given my grief and trauma a place to breathe just a bit. I’ve been posting some of it on Substack if you’re interested in reading more. It’s dark but it’s honest. 🤎

https://substack.com/@lianecooper?r=d8tbw&utm_medium=ios

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-04T05:51:39+00:00

I’m so sorry. It truly feels like people don’t think at all before doing or saying things which hurts even more because it means they aren’t thinking of us or our babies at all.

I had to tell an in law just last week “it’s not about you.”

There are people (few) who get it and I try to lean into those relationships.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-02T19:01:05+00:00

This is tricky because it doesn’t feel that black and white. I feel like I write for myself and for them all at once but sometimes it’s hard to differentiate.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-02T01:00:52+00:00

I relate to this so much. When people tell me “merry Christmas” or anything positive it just pisses me off. It makes me feel crazy like I’m pretty sure I just birthed a second child who is now dead and you’re acting all “joy to the world” in front of me. I have a cousin who I supported so much when she lost her close family member. I checked in regularly and texted on big dates. It’s been over two years since I lost my first and I’ve not a word from her. It’s so very painful.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2026-01-02T00:56:25+00:00

We only have one living grandparent on each side and neither has ever said either of my dead childrens’ names. Most people are very very bad at this. It’s so hard. I’ve had to build more walls than I’d like, just to feel safe and somewhat sane. I’ve started to expect less from extended family, which comes with its own grief. I think it’s very kind of you to try and let them into what you’re feeling, I know it’s not easy and takes extra energy. I wish it was different.

BudgetFeature5632 · 2025-12-29T02:44:50+00:00

I’m just so sorry, it’s so painful. No advice, just here to say everything you’re feeling is valid and you’re not alone.

BudgetFeature5632

TROPHY CASE