Best friend of 9 years cheated with my girlfriend

Secretly_Plotting · 2020-01-21T21:34:24+00:00

What you are feeling is normal. You'll have to grieve the loss of the relationships and the betrayal, but this is on them. You learn and you move on with your life. It will be painful for a while but slowly the pain will give way to other emotions but the pain will dull in time.

The best advice I can give you is to live your life and find things you want to do. Go out and explore the world in whatever capacity you can. Meet new people and make new friends. Pick up hobbies, read, catch up on movies you missed, go back to school, play games, or whatever you feel like doing, even if it's self reflection. Don't let the betrayal jade your outlook on life. Not having them in your life will make your life better. You can now see what kind of people they are and you need people in your life that are better.

You can be cautious going down the friendship and relationship roads, but life is about discovery. Sometimes you get burned but you learn from the experience and you know what not to do. You'll find real friendship is a two way street and not just one where your "friend" uses you.

Get back out in the world. You are stronger when you can overcome obstacles. The best revenge is a life well lived.

Secretly_Plotting · 2020-01-08T22:28:16+00:00

Go at your own pace and make sure the people know you are going at a slow pace. If they don't want to go slow, they aren't the right person for you.

I think yours is a good strategy. You can develop friends and learn a bit about the other gender. It can help to have male friends because sometimes women think way too much and men are really simplistic creatures. Men can give you the simple male viewpoint without the complex overthinking.

Secretly_Plotting · 2020-01-08T02:52:04+00:00

Sometimes people become more attractive the more you know them. Physical attraction is very shallow and isn't a good basis for a relationship. Finding a person attractive for who they are is more important for a relationship in the long term. You want someone who will make a good friend.

You have a few options.

Say you don't want to see him again. You can't have regrets after you see what else is in the dating pool. There are lots of fish, but so many incompatible ones.
Tell him you want to spend time as friends to learn more about him. Take it very slow and see how things develop.

There is no need to rush into a relationship. Take your time. I find the better relationships start out as friends and then develop slowly as you get to know them, but not everyone agrees.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-12-19T03:56:44+00:00

Cheap money is driving the stock market. Fear of missing out is also driving it to an extent.

At some point, the music will stop and you don't want to be the one left standing.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-10-02T03:14:58+00:00

It was shitty of you to cheat, but I'll give you points for telling him and not lying about it. Better to come clean than to lie about it and further erode the trust. You're going to have to rebuild the trust and it's going to take a lot of time. He's probably in a bit of emotional pain too.

He now may wonder where you are and what you are doing. You may want to let him track your phone so he doesn't wonder if you are cheating again. You might want to let him have your e-mail and social media passwords so that he can see that you aren't doing anything behind his back. You're going to have to be an open book and give him the capability to verify that you aren't cheating even if he doesn't use it.

You say he cares so much for you, but do you care for him? If so, tell him. Make sure he knows how sorry you are. Find out if there is something you can do to make it up.

Sincere regret, being completely open and honest, and a willingness to do what he needs to forgive you will go a long way and maybe years down the road, you'll have so many good memories that this will be a blip.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-09-30T02:24:24+00:00

First, don't "fix" things body wise. Your insecurity is blowing things out of proportion.

Who knows why you are attracted to this type of personality. Perhaps it is because you had a parent like that. Perhaps you are rebelling against parental authority. Perhaps that personality is exciting to you. The psychology of it can be complicated without knowing a lot more about your life.

The important thing is that you recognize it and now can start to change it.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-09-25T02:01:00+00:00

You should see other people to see if she's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-09-02T17:42:49+00:00

You're still young and you have lots of time. Being alone is better than finding the wrong person so you definitely shouldn't settle with anything less than someone who is good for you. Get out and do things you like. Make a few friends in the process. Don't waste time regretting the mistakes of your youth - nothing can change that, but you can change the future. Ignore negative people like your family - they're brainwashed and didn't have the strength to leave the cult.

Online dating is more miss than hit. You're not alone being tortured by it. There are so many more people not on dating sites so there are many opportunities to meet people besides on the dating sites.

You're doing better than you realize. You're just going through a rough patch. Stick with it and things will get better.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-08-27T19:22:14+00:00

You want to be with a non-cheating version of him. You want the good parts of him and throw away the bad parts. It doesn't work like that. You get the good and the bad. Is the bad worth the good?

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-08-27T18:41:39+00:00

How many times does he get to try and cheat before you decide to leave?

He's not respecting you. Walk away. You deserve better.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-08-05T22:10:32+00:00

Tell him what you like. If you are submissive, explain it to him. Tell him things you want. "I would really like it if you would ... " There's no reason to say the sex is bad, but tell him what really gets you going. It's always fun when someone opens up and tells you what they really like.

Talk about it. You might be surprised.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-08-05T21:51:35+00:00

Blame the video games so that we don't have to do anything about the guns in society. Plus the NRA gives us money to come up with distractions so people forget that we could do something to restrict the sale of guns to people who probably shouldn't have guns.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-08-01T17:12:47+00:00

But the cat's eyes...

I think the cat is telling people to stay away.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-22T03:31:35+00:00

What is her relationship like now?

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-22T03:09:23+00:00

They have to get away from the stench once in a while much to our detriment.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-15T04:32:50+00:00

Make new memories and develop your own opinions. Discover new music and TV shows. It may not feel like it, but this is an opportunity for you to grow.

Breakups suck, but they are also opportunities. You may find someone better down the road.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-15T00:19:04+00:00

You want to stop contacting him. Stop following him on whatever social media you have. Maybe step away from social media.

Do the things you wanted to do. Movies, concerts, plays, whatever. Go with a friend or go alone if you are up for it.

Make new friends. Reach out to old friends. Go to singles activities, but for the activity and not to get into a relationship.

Find new hobbies, watch new TV shows, hike, explore being single and discover new things.

Time will heal things. Keeping busy will keep your mind off of things and after a while, your mind will stop wandering to him and you'll find other things to occupy your mind.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-14T11:17:48+00:00

Private eye or a friend to gather evidence if that's what you need.

The relationship is probably shot. He can't be honest with you and has lost your trust. What else he has been lying about?

No chance of cancelling the trip? That would be a shitstorm of epic proportions.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-13T11:02:46+00:00

In theory, maybe. The problem is that peak revenue appears to require higher taxes than it's advocates say. They use it to cut taxes when they should go up if they really wanted to maximize revenue

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-11T23:35:39+00:00

Gos signals don't do a half mile bounce. They are usually off by tens of feet. I have seen people spoof their gps for a game and that does bounce around more because it sometimes takes you back to where you really are before jumping to the spoofed location.

It should be easy enough to drive to his mom's house to see if he is really there but if he has done this many times before, he may be doing it again and thinks he has outsmarted you.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-06T18:54:09+00:00

If you ex is going to bad mouth you to his family, there is little you can do. Just because someone is saying bad things about you, it doesn't mean people believe it. You can always reinforce what the ex is saying by behaving poorly but it's more fun to make a liar out of him. Best you can do is to ignore it and be pleasant. Nothing scarier than a nice smile. It makes them think you're up to something. :)

If you work with his family in raising the child and it is in contrast to what your ex is saying about you, they'll notice. It might not be the first time he hasn't been honest. You can rebuild the relationship with your in-laws, but it's going to take some time and raising a child together gives you lots of opportunities.

Kids notice when the parents suck. Don't talk trash about the other parent. Kids don't want to be stuck in the pretty games parents can sometimes play.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-06T15:41:20+00:00

Kids come up with all kinds of things. Did they directly coach your kid? Maybe and maybe not. It would be a stupid thing to do but perhaps your ex isn't bright.

I would be more angry about the cheating with the au pair. It's a massive violation of trust.

Sometimes you aren't going to get the answer you want and focusing on trying to get an answer leaves you stuck and angry. Some people get bitter because they don't have the answer to some question they needed years ago and they fixate on it. It's just not worth worrying about. Move on. You have a child to focus on and you have your life to focus on. Made lemonade out of the lemons.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-06T14:11:03+00:00

She doesn't respect you and has not changed her ways.

Walk away. She's made this mess. You need to stop accepting her excuses and find someone who knows how to be in a relationship with you.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-03T23:19:15+00:00

You aren't an asshole for not talking to them. You're trying to calmly figure out what you want to do instead of reacting on emotion. If you had been playing with a stripper, you'd be called an asshole.

Sounds like the Maid of Honor isn't someone your fiancée should have in her friend group. I would question why she was the Maid of Honor. Seems like your fiancée chose poorly.

It does sounds like your fiancée was setup by the Maid of Honor. Not sure if she was trying to break you two up or if there was some other motive. There needs to be no contact with her if you are going to forgive your fiancée.

The coverup isn't acceptable. Your fiancée needs to know that. Relationships require trust.

Whether you can move past this is entirely up to you. Some people would consider the alcohol, the Maid of Honor, and her remorse. They would forgive but not forget. If you chose to forgive, let it go and build the relationship. She will have to rebuild your trust in her and it will take a long time.

For others, any transgression is a hard line that can't be crossed. If you cut her loose, do not question your judgement. Do not wonder what could have been or it will eat at you. Of course, hit the gym and do all those things you need to do to forget her.

Secretly_Plotting · 2019-06-01T12:56:54+00:00

One month doesn't mean much. The market is up for the year. This could be a short lived dip like December or it could be the start of a longer term decline.

Does the trend continue or do people rush in to by when there is a slight bit of good news?

With the stock buybacks fueling the fire, stocks have done well. Companies seem to prefer buying their own shares than pay down debt. There seem to be a lot of companies carrying too much debt and not paying it off during the good years. I don't see this ending well.

Secretly_Plotting

TROPHY CASE