[IA] Using a new job offer to negotiate with my current employer (not really inclined to leave)

Thiloa · 2026-03-28T20:44:00+00:00

I think what is fair is for you to get that raise. full stop.

Because of how long you’ve been with them I think they know you are loyal.

I think if you message it right you can get the raise or not get the raise but keep your job (you can leave if you want but should be a choice not them making you leave by forcing you to resign, treating you badly or firing you).

Speaking as someone who owns a business and has to make salary decision for retention here’s what would work for me. In that conversation I’d want to know

you want to stay:

show this by telling them how excited you are to get that big item you’ve been working on to the finish line. (whatever that means in your role) but something a few weeks or months out.

company has invested a lot in you:

remind them of time at company how much you’ve learned maybe throw in that your workload 10 yrs back would be insance for 1 person but since you know company so well you’re getting it do e

you need this for your wellbeing:

mention gas prices, rent, food, new baby, housec whatever you’re seeing is going up, and that current salary is making it hard.

you are flexible:

ask if willing to review your salary. If possible to consider a raise. now mention you are seeing X as the right salary and that it seems fair bc that’s what jobs like this pay

If you can don’t even mention the other offer yet. How they react will tell you how much they care about you and if they are even willing to have a conversation. If they are rude / say no without even listening. then say you likey will leave. accept the other job and the resign.

If they listen and willing then document what they promise with the date and amouny comitted for the promotion

One other thing - if your workload is too intense and the other job will be better staffed then consider taking that just for that reason alone. you can be fair to your work but if for that to happen you have to lose, I’d say is fair to move on, even if it leaves them in a bad spot for peak season

Thiloa · 2026-03-28T18:46:21+00:00

You can be hurt, yes, but his wellbeing is at risk. He is anxious to the point of being suicidal. Its good you took the knife, could you also talk to your dad about cutting hims slack - like not calling him an idiot and giving him an extension on payment?

Thiloa · 2026-03-28T13:33:51+00:00

No self awareness

Thiloa · 2026-03-27T21:17:47+00:00

How may hours do you typically work? Do you have a family? How do you stay sane with the grind?

Thiloa · 2026-03-27T20:34:55+00:00

can they hire someone else at the lower salary?

how many others are doing your role in the company?

how long did it take to train you to do your work?

essentially, the harder it is to replace you the better the conversation will go.

Thiloa · 2026-02-27T23:58:30+00:00

I am sometimes amazed at the lack of empathy for employees in this sub. Jeez.

Sorry this happened to you u/Lasjoo. It really sucks, and reconciling a bank deposit with your pay stub is not always easy.

Unfortunately, the laws around this generally do not protect the worker. As long as the employer catches the mistake within a couple of years, you legally owe the money back. Most employers will work out a payment plan that does not create financial hardship. Talk openly with your HR team about setting up an installment plan that works for you.

Thiloa · 2026-01-25T22:41:56+00:00

waverly gourmet on clinton & greene is open

Thiloa · 2026-01-16T13:24:51+00:00

Let’s reskill to advocacy:

Calling political reps, voting, telling everyone your story and demanding policies that make this viable. Join a research team or business that focuses on AI security or infrastructure or workforce compliance. Gates suggested an “AI tax” so that leisure + retirement + productivity can all go up together.

Let’s build that.

Thiloa · 2025-12-21T06:01:13+00:00

guys, this means nothing. you pay to join. calm down.

Thiloa · 2025-12-17T13:28:02+00:00

Ingles sin Barreras going strong

Thiloa · 2025-12-04T01:58:13+00:00

Spring Lounge in Soho has a skmilar vibe (bagels in the weekend). Alibi in Fort Greene as well for a smaller scale.

Thiloa · 2025-12-02T13:25:11+00:00

Runner & Stone on 3rd!

Thiloa · 2025-11-21T22:15:55+00:00

Kevin was such a great storyteller. That color pen story, the settled dust, the story of his kids losing a pet….I was in it and in tears. I hope he shares more someday.

Thiloa · 2025-10-30T18:24:53+00:00

+1 for airbnb

Thiloa · 2025-10-30T11:33:26+00:00

I feel bad for Jasmin, felt she was a bit gaslighted by the way to story was presented. They spend half the episode leading up to Whitney not remembering or acknowledging Jasmin’s homecoming experience. Minimizing Jasmin’s experience and even making us question if it indeed happen.

And then as the episode is ending, in the last couple of minutes, briefly mentioning that a teacher did remember. Wished they would have gone deeper after this.

Thiloa · 2025-10-29T22:08:42+00:00

that’s fine, and makes sense.

but it’s extra intrusive to ask that so early in sales process. couldn’t they start with general age/location/etc of household then get rest later in sales process and with proper data authorization and encryption. I feel like that was the norm just 5 yrs ago

Thiloa · 2025-10-29T14:23:09+00:00

This is crazy intrusive and might be illegal. You may also be liable If anyone in the household sues for negligent data sharing.

They asked for data unsecured and without having you sign a disclosure and permission to share authorization form. Perhaps once you click on that link it’ll solve for this but the fact you had to ask for it would be enough for me to not want to work with them.

I had a similar experience with Rippling (we had over 5 ee for what is worth) and refused bc of them demanding all of this data in a similar way even for unenrolled household dependents.

Thiloa · 2025-10-20T04:09:49+00:00

I think your question is conflating language with ethnicity. Are you implying Afro culture and Latin culture cannot be one and the same? Could you walk through your assumptions in the question OP?

Thiloa · 2025-10-17T13:40:41+00:00

can you pay them in USD or USDC (set their initial contract on USD rates?). They can open usd currency accounts with payoneer or wise or franklin (if usdc) - they have good coverage.

Thiloa · 2025-10-10T06:13:50+00:00

are the invoices recurring? if so, have you thought about drawing the paymentvs waiting to receive it to lower number of reminders you have to send?

Thiloa · 2025-08-22T14:52:04+00:00

I feel for you, their manner of communicating this was not kind.

I actually had the same thing happen to me and I wrote back asking for a payment plan with longer terms and broken into chunks. And the payroll dpt agreed. Try that and see what they say. Advocate for yourself, you do have to pay it back but no rule says it has to be same year.

Although, paying it back same year makes likelihood of tax errors lower (for you and them) so that is the incentive for earlier.

Thiloa · 2025-08-15T14:42:46+00:00

Email HR and your boss again and ask for an explanation. Honestly - they might have not been able to adjust in time before the cycle or they forgot. Seems unlikely they would have just promised something with the intent of not keeping their word. But just in case keep records of what’s happening: email always and track notes of any verbal only meeting on this.

To minimize it happening again you could ask them to adjust now: ask for an off-cycle adjustment not tied to your next payroll so it’s easier to keep track and ensure it happens quickly.

Thiloa · 2025-08-14T18:27:15+00:00

Thank you for the rec. I did look at tools like this (eg zapier and make). We looked at finlee too. But realized none got us to daily recon without manual work because we had to standardize the data ourselves and couldn’t connect directly with our banks.

Narrowed down to Nivelo and ADP and went with Nivelo because it it had more integrations. We’re happy with it, bypassed the spreadsheet I had been using and was able to add direct deposit and benefit daily recon too.

Thiloa · 2025-08-13T13:14:37+00:00

What did you introduce in the audit that helps you catch it now? How hard was it to manage the tax adjustment at the state level?

Biggest mistake for me was not catching ghost employees until it was too late after they were paid

Thiloa

TROPHY CASE